The Bachelor Party
by SkyStrider
Summary: Tofu's friends are going to throw him one hell of a Bachelor Party, whether he likes it or not. So, Tofu asks Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse, to come along and help keep things under control (?). Along the way, the Trio will deal with Hostesses, their first beer, hot peppers, a strip club, and some very insistent Kunoichi. Meanwhile, Akane has a tale of her own from the bridal party.
1. The Invitees

The usual disclaimer: Ranma ½ is a trademark of Rumiko Takahashi and VIZ Communications, and its characters have been borrowed without permission. This story was written for non-commercial purposes only.

Note: Unlike my other stories, this story is rated a solid "M". Don't look for any graphic descriptions (your imaginations are probably better than mine in that regard), but there will be lots of innuendo, misdirection, adult jokes, and unusual things done with fruit. Personally, I think I could probably get away with "T" (judging from some of the "M" stories I have read), but we are going with "M" for safety's sake.

While this story follows the "Kasumi's Fate" ("Bindings") Chronicles, it's not necessary to have read any of the previous stories. You do need to know a few things though:

1) Ranma and Akane are happily engaged now (although they are still waiting on the ring). Not only that, they have united their souls, healing both of them of their past emotional injuries and leading to some very interesting implications. The Cat Fist is still part of Ranma, but he would no longer say he "suffers" from it.

2) Kasumi and Tofu are engaged and due to be married within the month.

3) Tofu is a very powerful mage. He's also part Kitsune through his mother, Kin Ono. Kin is half-Kitsune. Tofu also works for a mysterious group called "The Council" and leads a team of spies/mercenaries on an unmentioned mission in Nerima. The Council (and their enemy, Henna) are not featured in this story though.

4) The Fiancée Brigade has been disbanded. Ukyo now supports Ranma and Akane, Kodachi has moved on (and is slightly saner), and Shampoo is on the run from the Amazons. Also, Tatewaki Kuno is imprisoned by his Uncle far away from Nerima.

5) Mousse has been broken of his love for Shampoo (in a very vicious manner). He has also learned that the Amazons do not want him to return to China. However, the Nerima crowd has immediately laid claim to him. Cologne is still one of the Amazons, but has lost interest in returning to her village, at least for now.

6) The government of Japan believes (falsely) that Ranma's sire is Tofu's deceased brother (a very long story). Ranma has been formally adopted by Mrs. Ono and is now legally Tofu's brother. She also recently adopted Mousse as well. Tofu is effectively Ranma's and Mousse's guardian now. Both live with Tofu at the Clinic, but the three spend most of their free time at the Tendo Dojo.

7) Nodoka is (and still considered to be) Ranma's mother and her marriage to Genma has been annulled. Genma permanently resides in the Nerima zoo and is out-of-the-picture. Officially, Nodoka is recovering from an extended mental illness and the Tendos are her guardians. Again, this is what the Judicial System believes – the truth of the matter is she just likes staying with the Tendos and they like having her there. She and Soun treat each other as brother and sister and the Tendo daughters still treat her as their aunt.

8) Ryoga is happily engaged to Akari and there are fourteen months to go until their wedding. Both of them are students of the Tendo dojo and are there every weekend. Ryoga and Ranma have long since buried the hatchet (although they still beat on each other enthusiastically) and treat each other as siblings (there are reasons, but you have to go read the other stories). Akane has settled up with "P-Chan" – she's even forgiven him, but there were a lot of beatings between discovery and forgiveness though. Ryoga can still get disoriented, but not in such a grand manner anymore (no more switching continents – again, go read the other stories if you want to find out why). He has developed strategies to deal with many situations (like sticking with a companion whenever possible).

9) Ranma, Akane, and Ryoga are mages in-training (as well as Martial Artists). Ranma is a Wind Mage, Ryoga is an Earth Mage, and Akane is a Fire Mage (same as Tofu). They are also the Guardians of three World Elemental spirits who share "spiritual space" with them (and the three humans are also spiritually linked), but that doesn't enter into this story.

Other characters in the story (besides the Ranma ½ cast):

1) Mrs. Chie Shimizu is Dr. Tofu's office manager. This middle-age woman is a good friend of Kasumi (as well as the rest of the extended family) and is one of the biggest gossips in Nerima.

2) Shizuka Jouda is Kasumi's Tai Chi instructor. She's a tough and implacable warrior who loves children, especially the children of her deceased rival and best friend, Kimiko Tendo (even if the "children" are getting up there in years). She's been involved in Kasumi's life off-stage for nearly a decade now.

3) Hideo Jouda is Shizuka's husband. He runs a florist shop in the same building as her dojo. He's a tall, good natured man, with endless patience – especially for his stubborn wife. He's also a very talented Earth mage as well (he's Ryoga's Arcane teacher).

4) Daran Hawk is an old friend of Tofu who possesses no supernatural abilities, but does possess a number of interesting magical and technical artifacts. While he looks (and dresses) like Indiana Jones with dark skin, he is a spy/researcher whose expertise is dealing with the supernatural. He currently serves the mysterious Council and Dr. Tofu is his Team Leader. He also does a good James Bond imitation.

5) Ciren Blake is a tall blond athletic woman who is a master archer (her preferred weapon) as well as a marksman (the rifle is her second favorite weapon). She is also a talented Martial Artist (even by Nerima standards) and trained in swordsmanship. She doesn't have much of a sense of humor (due to a bitter childhood) although she has learned to return the give-and-take of her teammates and is patient with the young and inexperienced, despite her hot temper. She is a mechanic, a pilot, a race car driver, and has taken Mousse as her apprentice in advance weaponry. She currently serves the mysterious Council and Dr. Tofu is her Team Leader. She is half-human (you have to figure out the other half).

6) Olaf Thorsen is a modern day seven-foot Viking Berserker and a very intimidating bodyguard. He has recently started to wear a short beard and doesn't braid his hair (which is not quite to his shoulders), but his favorite weapon is a war hammer. When not wielding a war hammer, he can be found using a rocket launcher or a custom-fitted auto-cannon. He is ridiculously strong - much stronger than Taro's bull form. He is not a fan of unarmed combat (despite Ciren pestering him to train), but his fist is to be feared and he can take a lot of damage. This good-natured giant is a quiet man outside of battle, and a very sharp dresser (not off-the-rack) when not wearing armor (either medieval or modern depending on the battle). Like Ciren, he is also a half-human and works for the Council under Tofu (also one of his best friends).

7) Paolo (The Mouse/Mausu) Glavan: Thief and spy extraordinaire. He is called "The Mouse" or "Mausu" due to his small size (about 130 cm) and his ability to get into impossible places. He is fully human and of Mediterranean descent. While he is not an assassin, he is a great person to have on your side in a fight due to his skill and speed. He is also extremely intelligent and likable despite his penchant for practical jokes. While currently contracted by the Council and working for Tofu (who is a good friend), he has been hired in the past by Daran for intelligence gathering. Indeed, when the two men have joined forces, they are the despair of counter-intelligence agencies around the world.

8) Police Inspector Shoichi Ojima is head of the Nerima precincts. He possesses the Sight which allows to him See true guilt or innocence (he loathed Genma after one glance). For the longest time, he couldn't turn the Sight off, which forced him to be a very driven man in the pursuit of Justice. Doctor Tofu helped him control his "gift" after the events in "The Destruction of Ranma Saotome." Now he's still a very driven man, but he can also get a good night's sleep. He's a very lean man of average height with a no nonsense attitude. While he believes in Justice, he's not above bending the rules.

9) Tomo is a young, full-blooded Kitsune. The Kitsune Elders have assigned him to help Dr. Tofu who is his cousin (although one of many, so that is not so remarkable). Tomo appears to be the equivalent to a 12-year old human with the exception of the fox tail, ears, and fur. He is very much the typical Kitsune prankster, but has a fondness for the Tendos and the Onos (whether he'll admit it or not). His magic ability is above average for his age, which is why the Elders put him to work.

One last note: Kabukicho is a world famous adult entertainment center in Shinjuku, Tokyo. There are literally thousands of bars, nightclubs, restaurants, love hotels, massage parlours, hostess clubs, adult shops, etc. there.

* * *

Chapter 1: The Invitees

"Rise and shine!" Tofu's voice rang out cheerily.

"DROP DEAD!" two voices growled back from the Clinic residence's second bedroom. It was 5AM on Saturday. Breakfast was not until 7AM. Mousse wasn't opening the restaurant until 8AM and Ranma did not have school this morning. Akane would not be by until 6:15AM for her morning run with Ranma. The two young men reasoned that they should be allowed to sleep for at least another hour before being subjected to their lunatic brother.

They heard Tofu clap his hands twice. Immediately, Ranma, who had the top bunk, spread his feet and hands to brace on the side rails of the bunk bed as the mattress dissolved under him. Mousse was not quite as fast, but the Chinese teenager only fell a few decimeters. He was also relieved not to have his adopted brother crash down on top of him.

"I say we spike his tea this time," Ranma said from where he hung in the air.

"The time to spike it was last night," Mousse answered. "But Kasumi probably wouldn't approve."

"I thought she was staying the night?" Ranma said. "Shouldn't he be busy right about now?"

"Ranma! Mousse! I made some breakfast rolls!" Kasumi called out.

"Right, but she's an earlier riser than he is," Mousse answered. "They probably were busy – about an hour ago."

"Crap," Ranma muttered. "I suppose we need to get up, but why the hell so early on a Saturday?"

"Guys? Please?" Tofu called out.

"Please?" Ranma echoed in surprise. "Ah hell, he really means it – something's up." Ranma relationship with Tofu was complex, but, when it came right down to it, the shape-changer was respectful and grateful to his adopted older brother.

"Yep, that's that," Mousse agreed.

Both of them immediately yelled out: "Give us two minutes!" They both leaped away from the bunk beds and their mattresses reappeared.

* * *

Tofu heard their reply and retreated downstairs with satisfaction. Part of him was pleased that they knew when to take him seriously. The rest of him was reviewing the plan in his head. He had to do this carefully. Kasumi had already dragged Akane down from the dojo and spoken to Nabiki last light. The middle Tendo daughter had dodged any promises about meddling, but she was committed to go with Kasumi tonight, so that would have to do.

He walked into the kitchen and saw that Akane had her head nestled in her arms on the table. The 18-year old (nearly 19) was dozing lightly while dressed in her running clothes. "She's more of a morning person than Ranma," Kasumi commented. "But there are limits." Kasumi was dressed for the day already. She would have to change for this evening, but that was a ways away.

"They can all crash a little later," Tofu said. We need to do this now while the opposition is sleeping off last night." Kasumi just nodded her head.

Ranma and Mousse came into the kitchen dressed in their robes. "What's up?" Ranma asked. "I assume this isn't a training drill, Doc?" Mousse didn't say a word. He just looked at Tofu quizzically.

Akane seemed to wake up. "This better be good…" she mumbled. Ranma smiled and sat down besides her.

"I need to ask a favor – a big favor, but I needed to ask it when they are no possible eavesdroppers," the Doc answered. All three teenagers perked up and straightened up to look at Tofu seriously. "You know I'm suppose to have a Bachelor Party tonight, right?" the doctor asked.

"Yeah," Ranma answered. "A bunch of your buddies are in town for it. They are staying with Olaf, Ciren, Daran, and Mausu."

"To put it bluntly, I need backup. Otherwise, things are likely to get out of control. I'm getting married in two weeks – I would actually like to show up for the ceremony. I would like you two, Ryoga, Hideo and Inspector Ojima to go along with me and be my reserve team. I trust you five to bail me out if things get out of hand."

"And we are suppose to do what against a bunch of experienced Kitsunes and mercenaries?" Mousse asked.

"All five of you are formidable. Believe it or not, I think you can hold your own. If nothing else, your presence will keep the party in this world and mostly sane. At least then I won't have to try and figure my way back to this world," Tofu answered.

"O.K., but three of us are underage," Ranma noted.

"Not an issue. No one is going to check ID's," Tofu replied.

"So why am I here?" Akane asked sleepily as she laid her head on the table again.

"Because I'm going to have the party at Kabukicho, and you need to know," Tofu said.

Automatically, without even raising her head, Akane's hand shot out and grabbed Ranma's pigtail. Then she pulled down.

"Akane!" Ranma protested as his head was tilted back.

"You touch, you die," Akane mumbled sleepily.

"Well, that went way better than I thought," Kasumi said brightly.

"I'm just setting ground rules," Akane replied. "He's had half-naked women throwing themselves at him for a while, and he's never betrayed me – even if I couldn't see it at the time. I've never seen him gawk at any woman. I trust the dummy. Besides, he has his own beautiful female form," Akane said as she let go.

"Whoa… a lot has changed," Mousse smirked.

"Ow…" Ranma mumbled as he rubbed his head. Still, he couldn't quite hide his fond smile. Tofu stood behind Akane and seemed to be making a gesture at Ranma to continue, so Ranma quickly added: "Actually, I have two beautiful female forms…"

Akane turned her head to look at Ranma and then straightened up and kissed him. While in the kiss, she launched a side-kick at Tofu (who nimbly dodged). "Stop prompting him or he'll never learn," she said as she broke the kiss. "Still, it was a good effort," she mumbled as her head sank down again.

Tofu gave Ranma a wink. Then he said, "All right. That's what I wanted to ask. Are you two in?"

"So long as I get to go back to sleep for an hour," Mousse replied.

"Yeah, maybe there will be some fighting," Ranma said. Mousse rolled his eyes.

"Thank you," Tofu responded sincerely. He looked at the clock. "I guess you can have the hour now."

"Done. I'll take the couch in the living room," Mousse called with a slight smile as he got up. Ranma looked confused for a second. Then his expression cleared, and he stood up and picked up Akane.

Akane put a finger to his lips. "Just sleep, dummy. I'm too tired for anything else."

"Hey, I'm still wiped too," Ranma protested. Akane just snuggled closer in his arms. All three teenagers left the kitchen and went back to bed.

After they left, Tofu asked: "Have those two…?" He left the question hanging.

Kasumi shook her head. "I don't think so, but she is on the pill if they have. They are setting their own pace and seem very happy with it. Personally, I think they are waiting until after the engagement ring is a done deal."

Tofu shrugged. "Actually, after the last Binding they wove between themselves, I think the wedding is a done deal, never mind the engagement. I think they are just letting themselves grow into the Binding a little more."

Kasumi just said: "Either way, it's really none of our business. Again, they are very happy with each other and they finally trust each other completely – as Akane just showed."

* * *

Up in his bedroom, Ranma placed Akane in his top bunk, dropped his robe (revealing a T-shirt and sweat pants), and hopped up on his bed. Akane stopped him from settling and took off his T-shirt. Then she pulled off her own sweat shirt and T-shirt. She was now clad in her sweat pants and sports bra. The young woman pushed him down to the bed and settled into his arms again, snuggling in once more. Ranma pulled a blanket about them and relaxed. He couldn't (or rather wouldn't) stop his hand from rubbing Akane's back every now and then though. Occasionally, his hand would slide under the bra strap.

"Stop that," Akane half-giggled at him sleepily. "Just rest for now."

"I'm sort of awake right now," Ranma commented.

"Well I'm still tired. If you behave yourself now and tonight though, we can have a discussion about new territory tomorrow," she promised. "For both of us," she added.

Ranma eyes widened. "And she expects me to go to sleep after that comment?" he thought.

* * *

Police Inspector Shoichi Ojima looked at the paper at his usual morning café. "Why did I agree to do this?" he thought. True, he owed Doctor Tofu a major favor. The doctor had helped him get his Sight under control so he now could get a good night sleep. Being able to turn off the ability was a god-send. "Still, I've signed up to go out for an evening with a combination of over-the-top martial artists, mercenaries, and Kitsunes. What possessed me to do that?" he wondered.

But, deep down, he knew why. The Inspector looked at his breakfast – the same one he had every morning. He looked at his newspaper – the same one he bought every morning. He wore the same clothes (or at least very similar) day in and day out. In the last ten years, nothing had changed for him. Even his vacations blurred in his mind as being same repetition of events. "I'm in a rut and I want out," he thought with a sigh. "The most interesting things began happening to me when I started getting involved with Ranma and Tofu. Tofu and his company have become the closest I've ever had to real friends, and now the Doc has asked me for a favor. Even if I wasn't in debt to him, I would have signed up."

Someone hit him over the head with a rolled up newspaper and then plopped down into a seat next to him. "How did you live so long?" a tall blond woman asked him. "You have absolutely no defensive warning system and you follow a very predictable schedule. I wouldn't have made it out of my teenage years."

"Good morning, Miss Blake," he answered sourly. "Nice to see you too." He glanced at his tormentor. Well, all right – she wasn't really a tormentor. She busted his chops one-on-one whenever she could, but in any sort of public situation, she (and the rest of her cohorts) where very respectful to him. He looked at her outfit; she was dressed in her racing suit. "Out terrorizing the roads again?" he asked.

Ciren Blake put on an expression of wounded innocence. "You know, even in Japan it's illegal to falsely accuse someone."

Ojima raised an eyebrow. "There were reports of a Ferrari 550 Maranello participating in a drag race in the Yamaguchi Prefecture a couple of hours ago."

"No one was hurt I hope – including the car," she said. "But Yamaguchi is over 800 km away as the crow flies. The Maranello only has a top speed of 320 km/hr and the roads between here and there are not what you'd call conducive to top speed. Anyone driving a Maranello at 400 km/hr along those roads would end up in a hospital – or the grave. Never mind that the car would be absolutely destroyed."

"Provided the car was actually a Maranello," the Inspector shot back as he reached for his coffee. "The Maranello is a two seater."

Ciren smirked. "I'd hardly call that bench a seat – it's literally a padded bench top with no foot space. Good for carrying tools or parts."

"Or a body," Ojima said off-handed.

"So maybe it's been used as an ambulance here or there," she bantered.

Ojima snorted and took a sip. "And what other little modifications does it have?"

"All legal – or at least it passed the National Inspection," she answered while looking at her nails with that smirk. She was obviously enjoying their game. In some ways, she reminded the Inspector of Nabiki Tendo.

"You're lucky I have my hands full already or I'd follow up on that," he grumbled at her.

"Ah, the upcoming nuptials have you busy, do they?" she asked with mocked sympathy.

"I have report of someone building a tunnel between a bar and a convenience store last night. The individuals worked fast, much to the astonishment of the bar owner and the store owner. The tunnel was reinforced enough that it actually passed building codes," he answered with annoyance.

"Not a break-in then," she guessed.

"No, both owners were present and everything was paid for," he replied. "When asked why they did it, the men answered that they wanted a path between the two establishments that they could use without notice. The men then handed the new keys to the owners and left."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Makes sense to me."

"It would," he said with some sarcasm. "I also have reports of outrageous practical jokes all over the city – never mind the Ward. The trouble is: no one can figure out how they were done. The news media is jokingly blaming Kitsunes."

"Must be a slow news day," Blake commented.

"Then there is the report of a purported kidnapping," the Inspected added before taking a sip again. He was pleased that Ciren's smirk faltered a little with concern. "Seems some men dragged a local sculptor out of bed in the middle of the night. The artist was found this morning stuffed in a closet in City Hall. His captors had forced him to repair one of his own art pieces outside City Hall, shoved his pockets full of money and then pushed him in the closet. He recanted his story when he found out that the money would be kept as evidence. Now he claims is was just an over-enthusiastic fan."

The concern left her face, but not fully as she faked the smirk again. The Inspector hid his smile. He had a feeling justice was about to happen to the kidnappers – that would do nicely. Ciren raised her hands: "Sounds like a perfectly innocent misunderstanding." The Inspector settled for raising both eyebrows and giving her a very direct look. She continued on: "Now I suppose I should leave you to your breakfast. I have a few errands to run." As she got up, the smirk returned in full and she taunted his steady look: "Oh come on! You'll miss us when we leave." With that she turned and left him in peace.

As he watched her go, his earlier thoughts returned. "All right," he admitted grudgingly to himself. "I will."

* * *

Shizuka grabbed Hideo's head from behind gently but firmly, and tilted it up and back to look at her. The sitting man's face was a picture of innocence. She repeated Akane's warning: "You touch, you die." Then she added: "I don't share."

"Be realistic, dear. Who would want to have sex with an old man?" he protested.

"I do, and you're not that old. You won't hit fifty for another year," she stated.

"So, when I'm fifty, you're done with me?" he teased.

"You're not that lucky." She kissed him and let go of his head. "How does Tofu think you'll have time to watch out for him? You're going to have your hands full keeping the three boys out of trouble."

"Not really," Hideo disagreed. "First off, they are not boys. All three are truly young men. Two of them are completely devoted to their fiancées. Ranma and Akane are Bound together with a tie stronger than most marriages and Akari has Ryoga wound around her little finger. Never mind the fact that Ranma is part female, so the female body holds no secrets for him. A lot of that knowledge has leaked over to Ryoga, who is also quite – *ahem* – familiar with Akari's body judging from the embarrassed stories of people accidently walking in on them – or sensing them from afar. As for Mousse, he grew up around Amazon warriors and their dress – or lack thereof – varies according to the seasons. And while he is attracted to women, he's also use to thinking of women as his social superiors. He's not going to think about jumping up on stage with any of the performers."

"Ranma still blushes when the topic of sex comes up," Shizuka pointed out.

"Only in relationship to Akane. If any other girl makes a move, you can almost see Ranko take over. If someone really pressures him, he finds water," Hideo said. "But he no longer bolts blindly."

"I suppose," she agreed reluctantly. Then she made a face. "I think you'll have a more interesting time than I will."

"It doesn't sound that bad," Hideo teased her. "You'll have a nice formal tea ceremony followed by an equally formal dinner. Nodoka will be in her element and Kasumi will be rather pleased with the neatness and formality in the presentation. You'll have plenty to do; you'll have to nudge Akane every five minutes to keep her awake."

"Please let Nabiki have hired a stripper," Shizuka prayed.

"Ah, ah, ah. Remember: you touch, you die," Hideo laughed. "Maybe Mrs. Ono will have a few tricks up her sleeve."

* * *

Ranma, Akane, Nabiki, and Mousse walked toward Nerima center, well wrapped against the cold. It was after breakfast and Mousse needed to join Cologne at the restaurant. Ranma and Akane had a shopping list from Kasumi. Nabiki was helping Mousse interview staff and reviewing the Cat Café's books as a class project.

"Do you think there will be trouble at Tofu's party?" Akane asked.

"It's practically guaranteed," Mousse said. "We are dealing with mercenaries that fight hard and play hard."

"Genma talked about Kabukicho," Ranma added. "Happosai caused a lot of trouble there. There are two sides to it. One is a very public surface: lots of neon, adult stores, bars, arcades, restaurants, onsens, love hotels, host and hostess clubs. The other side is more hidden. You find it by knowing the right – or the wrong – people. That's the strip joints, the live sex shows, the sex clubs, and the bordellos."

"Bordellos?" Akane asked.

"Whore houses," Nabiki clarified.

"Oh."

"Maybe we should ask Konatsu if there are any Kunoichi houses there?" Mousse said. "Ditching the mercenaries in one could be entertaining."

"It's a thought," Ranma admitted.

"I don't believe this," Nabiki laughed.

"What?" Ranma quizzed.

"Ranma Ono, one of the biggest prudes on the planet is plotting how to outwit a bunch of mercenaries in a red-light district," Nabiki clarified.

"It's just another battle, Nabiki," Ranma explained. Then he cast a sly glance at Akane. "Besides, I have enough trouble with one woman – why on earth would I want more?"

Akane made a face and elbowed him in the ribs – not that she applied much force or that it did much damage with the coats in the way. Ranma grinned and put an arm around her, which seemed to mollify her.

Nabiki smirked at the gestures. "To top it off," she added. "The man-hater, Akane Tendo, trusts her fiancé enough to let him do it."

Akane gave her sister a one finger salute. "Get over it. He's mine and I'm his. That's that."

"And I have no complaints," Ranma added.

Mousse pretended to gag for a few moments. Then he dropped the gesture and moved on by asking: "What do we do about the Kitsunes?"

"Oh, I know, I know! Pick me!" a voice chimed out. There was a popping sound and Tomo appeared, floating just in front of the group as they walked. The young Kitsune looked like a red-headed 12 year-old child except for the red fox tail on his backside and his red cheek tufts. His paws and the rest of his fur were not visible due to his winter clothes.

"I know I'm going to regret this," Ranma started. "But pick you for what?"

"Let me take care of the Kitsunes!" Tomo crowed.

"Tomo," Akane explained patiently. "These guys are many years your senior. They've probably mastered magic that you've only dabbled in."

"Yeah, but if I prank them, I can move up the ranks faster," Tomo said.

"Let me think about it," Ranma replied. Everyone was surprised when he didn't immediately say 'no', including Tomo.

"Are you serious?" Tomo asked.

"Yeah," Ranma answered. "Check back with me a little later."

"All right!" Tomo exclaimed and then vanished with a pop.

"Please tell me you're not serious," Mousse begged.

"Think about it, Mousse," Ranma said. "Kitsunes feed on havoc, but there's only so much they can take before overloading. If we play it cool and force them to go all out, then throw Tomo's little bit of magic in the mix…"

"Tomo is not a 'little bit' of anything; he's a major pain in the butt," Mousse cut in. "But I see your point." The part-time duck raised an eyebrow. "You realize that any plan you put together will not last five minutes once we engage the enemy?"

"Yep," Ranma acknowledged. "But that's why I practice 'Anything Goes'…"

* * *

Later that day, Nabiki knocked on Ciren's door. A rough looking man dressed only in jeans opened the door and leered: "Well, aren't you a sweet-looking thing?"

Nabiki immediately tasered him, dropping him where he stood. She walked over his fallen body into the apartment. "Any reasonable human beings here? Or do I keep this thing out?" Nabiki called into the room.

Ciren came out of the bathroom. "I see you met Agor," she noted.

"Yes, we had the loveliest conversation. He didn't make it past the first volley," Nabiki said. "Tofu needs to be choosier in his friends."

"Actually, he's a friend of a friend. I'm not sure if he's even going tonight," Ciren explained. She one-handedly dragged the body out of the doorway and set it in the corner propped up. "How did you know that would work on him?"

"I didn't," Nabiki admitted. "I only thought it would get his attention. I had the taser set on non-Nerima strength just in case.

"Good thinking," Ciren approved. "What's up?"

"I booked you at a club like you requested. It's called the "Bluefin" and it's near Shinjuku Station," Nabiki told her.

"Thanks. Unfortunately, I need to Hunt. Tofu and company won't be there tonight will they?" Ciren asked. "I rather they not get caught in the Hunt."

"Nope, they are going to a club called 'Masa's'. I'm not sure what will happen after they get there though," Nabiki said. "It might be safer to postpone the Hunt."

"I can't, Nabiki. It's tied to my body rhythms. If I don't Hunt, things will get out of control rather quickly. The Hunt guarantees no one gets hurt," Ciren explained. "Embarrassed maybe, but not hurt.

"And that will do just fine," Nabiki thought.

* * *

Akio looked at his brother. "Are we all set?" he asked.

Ayumu answered. "Yes. We should be able to ditch the children at the Arcade next to Masa's. Masa's will be so boring that they will beg to go. As soon as they leave, our promise to the Elders is no longer in effect. We kidnap Tofu then and get him trashed. It will embarrass the hell out of him that the Elders had to pay ransom just to get him to the church on time – even if the ransom is a load of nonsense."

"Good!" Akio laughed. "It's time dear Tofu learned a bit of humility when dealing with the pure Kitsunes."

* * *

Olaf sat on the terrace of his apartment looking at the setting sun while waiting for the bus he hired. The Winter Sun always reminded him of his father's people. He smiled to himself as he thought about tonight. This was perfect. There were so many fingers in the pie that a mess was guaranteed, but that was alright. His friend would have a Bachelor Party he'd never forget – something that would keep him and his bride warm with laughter on many a cold night.

* * *

A/N: Next up: The Hostess Club


	2. The Hostess Club

Chapter 2: The Hostess Club

The bus pulled up to the clinic at 5:30PM. Tofu was there to greet it as soon as it rolled to a stop. Inside a harried looking driver peered out at him and asked: "Are you Doctor Ono?"

Before Tofu could answer, someone bellowed out: "Of course he is! Everyone out! Let's see what the Fox's den looks like!"

About twenty men strode off the bus roaring and clamoring. One by one, they shook Ono's hand and many of them gave him a hearty backslap. Ono didn't flinch or budge no matter how hard they struck him – he just greeted them all with a smile.

Inside the clinic, on the upper floor, Akane looked out unimpressed. Nabiki was besides her looking contemptuous. "Big, burly, and stupid describes half of them," the middle sister said. "Cannon fodder."

"There's a few that stand out," Akane noted. "Olaf is obviously a cut above them, and there's a handful that greeted Tofu without trying to prove anything. Then there are the prissy looking ones – I bet they are the Kitsunes."

"I see the five you're talking about," Nabiki said. "They're sort of looking down their noses at the others, but they greeted Tofu honestly."

"I think the Kitsunes will be asking for trouble before the night is over," Akane said. "The mercenaries will be looking for any reason to fight. Where are Daran and Mausu?"

"They and the inspector are meeting the bus at the first club," Nabiki answered. "I think Tofu wants to spring Ojima on them and keep them off balance."

Down below, one of the men yelled: "So where are the boys you're bringing along?"

"Them's fighting words," Nabiki grinned.

"Round one has started," Akane agreed.

"They're not boys," Tofu said in passing. Then he yelled: "Brothers!"

Mousse, Ranma, and Ryoga appeared in front of the men as if from thin air, causing many to utter oaths. Even the Kitsunes were taken aback. All three were dressed sharply causing Nabiki to whistle softly. Mousse was in his white Chinese robes pressed to within an inch of their life. Ranma was in a deep dark blue shirt with matching pants. Ryoga was dressed similarly to Ranma, but his clothes were deep green instead of blue. Both Ranma and Ryoga wore black belts that somehow conveyed they were not ornamental (Mousse's belt was not visible). All three sets of clothes were adorned with a red dragon flowing from one shoulder and across the chest – the same red dragon that was on Tofu's shirt. All three young men wore identical sharp black shoes and each carried a black leather jacket or coat in one hand as appropriate. Each also emitted a battle aura that even Nabiki could feel. Akane was struck by how much each of the young men had grown and filled out over the last two years – she wouldn't have bet the armies of the world against the trio right now.

The three young men bowed politely to the crowd as one. There was nothing challenging in the gesture, but nothing submissive either. The other men nodded back without even thinking about it. "These are my brothers," Tofu introduced. "This is Mousse, Ranma, and Ryoga," he added, indicating each in turn.

Olaf led the way. "It's good to see you three again," he said firmly as he went forward to shake their hands. The rest of the crowd followed his example. As Akane watched, she could tell some of the mercenaries tried to test the trio by crushing their hands, but the three just returned as good as they got (with a little interest) without flinching.

A few men were discretely shaking their red hands as they left Ryoga. "Ryoga has trouble controlling his strength as is," Nabiki noted. "And these bozos are trying to outdo him?"

"They know nothing of Ranma and company," Akane answered. Her eyes were locked on Ranma, drinking in his form. "Mousse is the so-called weakest of the three and he can bend steel and shatter stone. The Kitsunes look worried. I'd say battle plans are changing sharply right now. This round goes to our team." Nabiki just smirked.

As the two women watched, Shizuka dropped Hideo off and then she left to go to the dojo. Hideo was dressed in a good business suit. Tofu introduced him as "a very good friend." Once the introductions were done, Tofu waved at the bus and all the men boarded.

"I'd love to be a fly on the wall this evening," Nabiki commented.

"Me too," Akane admitted. "But Kasumi would be disappointed. I'll have to settle for getting the story out of Ranma later."

"He'll embellish it…" Nabiki warned laughing.

Akane turned and walked away from the window. "Yes, but I can tell when he's lying. I'll get the truth out of him with a little persuasion."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow and smirked. "I thought you stopped beating him up?" she teased.

Akane let her hips swing a little as she walked out the door. "I have other ways of getting the truth out of him these days…" she said as she left the room with a small smile.

"You're a liar yourself, little sister," Nabiki chuckled silently. "You don't seduce him – I'm not sure you know how, faker. You just have to give him that little smile and he caves…"

* * *

On the bus, it was pretty much one set of seats to a man. Olaf watched from the back of the bus as the four brothers took seats near one another and listened as the others tried to extract information from the lads as the bus traveled. The giant was delighted to see the Kitsunes confused as they tried to make heads or tails of the young men. Obviously, the Kitsune Elders had kept Ranma's and Mousse's adoptions secret.

About five minutes away from their destination, Wales, one of Tofu's Ryugenzawa crew came back and sat next to Olaf. "That's the biggest bunch of crap I've ever heard," Wales quietly said without preamble. Wales was shorter than Olaf, but most people were – Wales was still considered a big man. He was also fairly bright.

"What is?" Olaf prompted just as quietly.

"A high school senior, a restaurant waiter, and a farmer? I'd have to be head-blind not to feel the power in those three," Wales scoffed.

"Actually, that's all true. Ranma's due to graduate in April, Ryoga's engaged to a lovely young farm mistress that he works for right now, and Mousse works at a restaurant called the Cat Café," Olaf grinned.

"And…" Wales prodded.

"And Ranma and Mousse were adopted by Ono's mother, so they really are his brothers. Ryoga is a foster brother to Ranma. All four simplify things by saying they are brothers, although Tofu is more of an uncle to the three," Olaf admitted.

"Which means they are really his apprentices," Wales finished.

"Among other things…I don't recommend challenging any of them," Olaf agreed. "And for god's sake, don't challenge all three at once."

"Hey, you know me, man. I'm the most peaceable fellow there is," Wales protested. Actually, Olaf had to agree silently that Wales was not a troublemaker. The mercenary was known for outwardly minding his own business; but he was a very inquisitive fellow.

"Should be fun to watch though," Wales commented settling back in his seat. Olaf just kept smiling.

* * *

Olaf went to the front of the bus and gave the driver the last of the directions to Maya's. He watched as the club came into view and saw Ojima, Daran, and Mausu were waiting outside. "Stay put for a minute," he bellowed at the crowd in the bus.

Daran turned to nod a greeting to Olaf as the giant got off. Then Daran said: "Maybe we should move on to a new place. This place lost our reservation."

"Odd," Olaf said. "I made the reservation with the club owner."

"Well they said they would seat us," Mausu answered. "It might be a good idea to get everyone inside and catch our breath anyways. Then we can take a vote on our next destination."

"Maybe," Olaf agreed. "But something's not right," he grumbled.

"Admittedly, I smell a trap," Mausu said. "But I think we should trip it. It could be amusing."

Daran just shook his head. "See what I'm dealing with, Inspector? My teammates will walk into a known ambush because they are bored."

"Just use 'Ojima' or 'Shoichi', please. Or I'll call you Mr. Hawk the entire evening," Ojima told him. "And don't look to me for sympathy – I rule over an insane asylum full of cops."

"You're the Best Man, Olaf," Daran said to the giant. "What do you think?"

Olaf thought for a moment and said: "We go in. The food is better here than in most places on the strip. Let's grab something and work this out."

Olaf ordered everyone off the bus and then he introduced the inspector to the group. Some of the men look resigned as they sized up the police officer, others just looked determined. "That's about right," Olaf thought. "Some of the more outlandish plans just got cancelled, but only some. Don't worry lads – I guarantee we will still have some fun."

Olaf then introduced the KItsunes (all very much in mortal form) to Daran, Mausa, and Ojima. "Lads," he started as he pointed at the Kitsune leader. "This is Shiran, who is a good friend of Ono's mother." The Kitsune nodded at the newcomers as he sized them up. He looked longest at Ojima, who returned his gaze steadily, and a knowing smile crossed the Kitsune's lips as he noted that the inspector obviously saw though Shiran's illusion.

Olaf continued: "This is Yul, he and Tofu grew up together." Yul was a little less stoic than Shiran and offered to shake hands with the men. All three accepted.

"Tofu and I also went through college together," Yul supplied. One of the other Kitsunes snorted at that.

Olaf indicated the third Kitsune. While all the Kitsunes were dressed in proper business suits, the cut of the suit on the third Kitsune was much sharper. "This is Jak, one of Tofu's teachers." Jak also shook hands with the men. Shiran and Yul each raised an eyebrow, but Olaf couldn't tell if it was due to the introduction or Jak's offered hand. The last two Kitsunes looked very confused though.

Olaf gestured at the last two. "Akio and Ayumu are brothers. Akio is also one of Tofu's teachers," Olaf said while indicating the Kitsune who had snorted a few moments ago. Akio just nodded with a somewhat disdainful look on his face. "Ayumu was also a classmate of Tofu's in college," Olaf finished. Ayuma still looked confused as he nodded at the three men.

Now that introductions were out of the way, Olaf led the way into the club. The most immediate problem was the maitre d' refused to sit them together. "I'm afraid that there are simply no tables together," the fussy man said.

"May I speak to the owner, please?" Olaf asked. "This is unacceptable," the giant rumbled.

"I'm sorry, sir, but he is indisposed. Things are the way they are," the man said in a high tone.

Olaf turned and grinned at Tofu, "One second, Boss." Olaf then drew himself up to his full height, causing the maitre d' to step back worriedly. "Plan 87!" Olaf bellowed to the assembled warriors.

"Victory or Death," the mercenaries (Daran and Mausu among them) yelled out. The men then streamed to the four corners of the restaurant and checked all the rooms, causing a quite a stir.

"Now see here…" the maitre d' started angrily.

Olaf casually picked up the man with one hand and said: "There's two ways this can play out…one way involves a club full of happy patrons. The other involves the police who will be more than happy to snoop around here and several ambulances. Your call." The hanging man swallowed hard. Olaf noted that he seemed to be looking at someone just behind him, but the giant's sixth sense wasn't tingling.

Finally, the man said shakily: "But we have no room…"

The maitre d' was cut off by a mercenary bellowing: "Commander! There's a big room with only a handful of tables full."

"Move them carefully!" Olaf ordered.

With another battle cry, the mercenaries gathered into the room indicated and carried out ten gentlemen still sitting in their chairs and the three tables the patrons had been sitting in. With a flourish, the warriors promptly made room in the main dining area by destroying three empty tables, kicking the wreckage out of the way, and placing the three tables neatly in the vacated space. Nothing on the carried tables had been disturbed. The ten surprised gentleman were then placed carefully about their perspective tables.

Olaf strode over to the three re-located tables and addressed the ten men. "My good sirs," the giant began while still holding the maitre d' in one hand. "I must apologize for disturbing your dinner." The rest of the dining area seemed to be doing their best to ignore the situation. "Please allow us to cover the cost of your meals."

One of the middle-age men, a little braver (or more foolhardy) than his fellows, said: "But you haven't really done any damage to us. It's not necessary."

Olaf looked at the man sternly. "Then you must at least allow us to buy you a round of drinks. I insist!"

The brave man was about to refuse again when one of his fellows covered his mouth and said: "Of course, we accept!"

"Thank you, good sir," Olaf told the man in gentler tones. He then looked at the maitre d' held in his grip. "You will see to it, won't you?" Olaf asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course, sir!" the hapless man answered. His snooty tone had vanished.

"Very good!" Olaf cried in mock-joyous tones. "Let us see to this empty room."

"Yea!" the mercenaries called boisterously. Tofu just looked amused while his brothers smirked.

When they entered the room, judging by the decorations, it had obviously been setup for a Bachelor Party. Olaf growled at the man held up by his fist: "What the hell is going on?"

The maitre d' glanced at the assembled men and paled. "I do not know!" the man pleaded. "There must have been some mistake."

"I'm sure there will be no others?" Olaf prompted.

"Oh, absolutely sir!" the shaking man promised.

"Very good," Olaf said as he set the man down. "Please see to it. I want to see wait staff in here immediately."

"Yes, sir!" the man replied. "Please be seated!"

"Push the tables together," Olaf ordered. "I want a head table with two flanks!" His men proceeded to do just that.

Just as the maitre d' turned to leave, Akio stopped him. "Could you please show me where the restrooms are?" the disguised Kitsune asked.

"Ah," the man hesitated. "Why yes, sir. This way please." He then led Akio out of the room.

Olaf scanned the room until he found Mausu. When the little man looked at him, Olaf just held Mausu's gaze until the spy nodded ever so slightly. Olaf also noted Mousse and Ranma exchanging looks. Then the blond man turned to Tofu. "Come along, Boss! You're the Guest of Honor! It's the head table for you and the lads!" he said boisterously.

Waiters soon attended to the men and took their drink and appetizer orders. Dinner soon followed after that in an orderly fashion. Olaf watched the proceedings unroll smoothly – too smoothly. It was Ranma who first commented on what the real problem was. "Olaf?" the young man questioned. "Isn't this a Hostess club?"

"Yes, lad it is," Olaf answered. Ranma was sitting on one side of the giant; Tofu was on the other. The doctor looked at Ranma with amusement.

"So where are the women?" the martial artist asked.

Olaf paused for a second and said under his breath: "So, that's it. We're going to have bored mercenaries picking fights very soon."

Mousse sat on the other side of Ranma. The Chinese man looked thoughtful for a minute and said: "You know, Ranma. I think we need more drinks."

Ranma looked at Mousse and then said: "No bloody…"

Mousse cut him off. "You're missing the point. Haven't you ever heard of the Pied Piper? Just move fast." Mousse pulled a package out of thin air and handed it to Ranma. The square package was about 30 cm on a side and about 8 cm deep. It was marked "Plan E."

The pig-tailed martial artist looked at Mousse confusedly. Suddenly, his eyes cleared. He turned to Olaf and said: "I need some money." Olaf grinned and handed him 40000 yen. "Back soon!" he said standing up and walking out of the room.

About five minutes later, the doors of the room were thrown open and a red-headed girl burst in yelling "Hiya! I heard they were ignoring you boys, so I came to see if you need refills on your drinks!"

Ryoga turned quickly to Mousse and pleaded: "Please tell me you brought a camera!"

Ranko was dressed (if that was the word), in a mostly backless (and side-less) dress. The garment consisted of a skirt widely slit on both sides and a top that was two wide ribbons of fabric that passed over the breasts and fastened behind the neck like a halter top. She wore a high-set pony-tail instead of her usual pig-tail.

"NO," scolded Olaf. "The number one rule of a good Bachelor Party is 'no cameras'."

"Besides," Tofu added. "Let's not give Nabiki any ammo."

"But that is Nabiki's dress! That's the one she wore at Prince Toma's island!" Ryoga said in a hushed voice.

"We had to modify it for Ranko," Mousse commented quietly. "Nabiki's taller, but Ranko's a little fuller in the chest. It's important a dress like that fit properly."

"I can see that…" Ryoga said shaking his head.

Ranko's effect on the assembled men was obvious from their stunned looks. Even the Kitsunes were caught off-guard by her looks and movements – all except Akio who looked like he was going to explode in anger. Akio stood up, but Ranko immediately appeared by his side. "Naughty boy! You can look, but don't touch!" the red-head scolded. She promptly elbowed the Kitsune in the stomach and he dropped into his seat like a sack of potatoes. "I see your drinking scotch," Ranko noted. "I'll assume the same unless you'd like something different?" Akio was still trying to catch his breath, so Ranko moved on to Wales, "And what would you like, handsome?"

"Your phone number?" the mercenary pleaded.

Ranko batted her eyes at him. "My dance card is awful full, but maybe we can talk later. Business before pleasure, though." Wales requested a Japanese beer and Ranko moved on to the next man if 'moved' was the right word – more like 'teleported'.

Ranko complimented and flirted with the men outrageously while taking orders from the flank table:

"Well hello there gorgeous!..."

"Oooo…I like that look - muscles on top of muscles works for you!..."

"Wow…I've never seen someone with three legs before – How do you walk?..."

"You look like you know how to handle your weapon…"

"Ah, ah, ah… I'm much faster than that, but it some areas a girl likes to take it slow…"

"Now, you look like you have stamina…that's even more impressive than size…"

If a man tried to touch her, Ranko quickly hit a pressure point, painlessly numbing the offending limb for a minute or so. Between that and the fact that Akio was still trying to catch his breath, the mercenaries quickly learned respect for their hostess – but that only intrigued them more.

Ranko moved onto the head table, and every eye followed her. "You're married I bet," she told Hideo. He held up his wedding ring in answer. "Too bad," Ranko said with an artfully sad face. "Another vodka and mineral?" At his nod, she moved on. "I know what you want, sugar! But you'll have to settle for a drink!" she said to Ryoga while ruffling his hair. He was the first man she made physical contact with. (1)

Once upon a time, Ryoga would have exploded in anger – now he just tried not to explode in laughter. He did make use of the link between himself and Ranma to mind-send: **I'd stop doing that unless you have a hand to spare, Red-head!** There was a growl accompanying the thought, but it wasn't serious.

The red-head's eyes flashed mischievously as Ranma's thoughts sounded in Ryoga's mind: **Yeah, yeah, yeah… promises, promises, Pig-brain!** Ranko gave his hair a final tussle and wrote the word "cola" on Ryoga's order. "You're cute!" she told Mousse as she squeezed his shoulder. "You'll have the same as well?"

"And so will my friend," Mousse added indicating Ranma's empty chair.

"No problem," Ranko gushed. Then she teleported to Olaf's other side. "My! You're a big one, aren't you?" she said as she reached out to pinch Olaf's biceps.

Olaf stopped her from doing that by placing his hand firmly over hers. "Just a glass of wine again," Olaf cut her off. He was honored that she trusted him enough to tease him like that, but he wasn't sure he could keep a straight face and he really needed to keep this short.

Ranko turned to Tofu. "And you must be the Guest-of-Honor," she coo'ed at the Doctor while stroking his cheek. "What will you have, gorgeous?"

"I think it's definitely time for Bourbon," Ono answered with a long suffering face.

"Not too much now!" Ranko admonished with a wave of her finger; then she teleported between Daran and Mausu. She continued to take the head table's order with more hair tussling and shoulder squeezing, although she took it lighter on the inspector – Ranko was not as close to the inspector as the others. The mocking glint in her eyes amused the inspector, though.

She proceeded to work her way down the second flank table, but no longer touched the patrons. One of the men half-way down the table took exception to that and reached out to grab her buttocks. This attempt was ruder than the previous attempts by other men (who had been aiming at her waist or shoulders) and Ranko took stronger action. She intercepted the hand and then twisted the arm up and behind the mercenary. Then she launched him out of his chair and pinned him across the remains of his dinner. She coo'ed at the man: "You're new to Japan obviously. Let me give you a word of advice: The Hostess calls the shots. You have to get on her good side. If you don't, she can call twenty bouncers in here and they don't care how tough you are. It's the same deal in any Hostess Club. As for me – I don't need the bouncers." She dropped her voice to whisper in his ear: "The bouncers are here just to bury the bodies." The pressure on the man's popping joints and the crushing grip on his hand convinced her she was deadly serious despite the playful tone. "My Game, my Rules," she told him a little louder so the whole room heard her. Ranko could tell from the small smiles here and there that she had managed to make an impression. Her captive began nodding his head in response to the increased pressure on his hand. When she finally let him go (after hitting a couple of pressure points), he sat there chastised and didn't protest when she skipped his drink order.

Without missing a beat, she began flirting with the next man who was trying not to laugh at seeing his compatriot slammed back into place (the chair had cracked, not quite giving way). Once all the orders were taken, she turned with a flourish and said loudly, "Back soon!" as she closed the doors again.

"Gods!" One of the men burst out. "She's a little young, but I swear she could make me re-think my views on marriage!" Many of the men agreed.

"Well, it certainly wouldn't be boring!" another called out causing a round of laughter.

"Truly a force of nature," the Kitsune Jak murmured with amusement and even a slight bit of wonder.

"Think of the children she could bear," someone else said.

"Screw that!" someone next to the chastised man said. "You didn't see her in action up close – she missed her calling. I'd rather have her in my platoon!"

"No way!" another man answered. "The soldiers would be too busy fighting for her attention to fight anyone else!"

There was even more laughter at that comment, but most of the head table was quiet. They were afraid that if they started laughing, they'd never stop – especially at the reaction of the other two tables. "I've never seen her like that. Is she often that over-the-top?" Mausu whispered to Daran and the inspector with a little bit of awe in his voice.

"Oh yeah," the inspector answered under his breath. "Let's just say she always likes to be noticed in any form, no matter how much damage it causes."

Shortly thereafter, Olaf heard some outraged female voices coming from the main room. He couldn't quite make out the words through the closed door, but he did recognize one particularly smug voice. Five minutes after that, the doors burst open again and five steely eye women came into the room bearing the drinks. All five wore dresses that had been obviously altered quickly to be more revealing. They served the drinks and began to flatter the men almost as outrageously as Ranko had.

"Excuse me," one of the men asked. "But what happened to the red-head?"

"Oh, she had to leave due to a sudden illness in the family," one of the women answered. "But don't worry, honey. We will take good care of you."

* * *

Tomo was outside in the back of the club. He had Ranko's head resting on his lap. "Ranma! Speak to me!" he pleaded. The little Kitsune remembered something and conjured a bucket of hot water, splashing the red-head. Ranma's male form started to moan, so Tomo poured cold water on him next.

Ranko's moan was stronger this time: "Owww…O.K. you can stop that – there's only so much the shape-change will heal."

"Can you heal the rest?" Tomo asked.

"Yeah…give me a few moments to pull myself together," Ranko said. After a second, she added: "You know, Tomo. There are people in Nerima who say I enjoy being abused by women." Tomo nodded his head. "They lie big time," Ranko finished.

"What happened?" Tomo asked.

"Let just say I learned a very valuable lesson…" Ranko started.

* * *

A little later, Ranma walked back into the room. "What took so long?" Ryoga asked.

Tofu looked at his brother's face. "Ranma? What the hell happened?" One of Ranma's eyes was bruised and there were lots of faint scratches on his face.

"Damn," the shape-shifter said. "I should have waited a little longer. Let's just say I learned that hostesses are very possessive about their territory – and their money. I'd rather fight the Orochi again as a woman covered in steak sauce than take business away from a hostess. The manager is hiding in his office right now. There are steak knives stuck in his door." He handed the money back to Olaf. "I did manage to hold onto this though."

"Next time, let them have it," the giant advised.

"Next time?" Ranma replied in a strained voice which climbed an octave or two. Ranma pulled his voice down with obvious effort. "Next time, *you* can wear the dress," the shape-shifter said firmly. "That was a once in a lifetime experience and I will never cross a hostess again." The bruises and scratches continued to fade as he talked. "It's a good thing Tomo is about – I had to have him retrieve my gi for Ranko while I hid outside healing. You owe Nabiki a new dress, Best Man."

"It's not like Nabiki could wear that dress in Nerima anyway," Mousse chuckled.

"Our sister-in-law-to-be is a mercenary herself," Ranma stated sardonically. "Someone has to cough up the price of that dress."

"I got it covered," Olaf reassured him.

One of the ladies passed out another round of drinks to the head table, evaluating the men as she went. She obviously noted that Ryoga, Mousse, and Ranma were underage – or at least too young to have much money. Her smiles to them were a bit motherly. She flattered Olaf outrageously, but went lighter on Tofu noting that he was the Guest-of-Honor and likely to be too attached to his wife-to-be to respond much to her. She also flirted with Mausu and Daran. However, when she reached Ojima, he whispered something to her that stopped her cold. The hostess looked at him with what could only be called sympathy, and then kissed the surprised Inspector thoroughly. "Even you get to relax here," she said while giving him his drink and moving on with a twinkle in her eyes.

"What did you say to her?" Mausu asked the surprised man.

"I just told her who I was and said not to bother, but not to worry about it either," Ojima answered slightly stunned. "I didn't expect that response."

"I guess she has a soft spot for cops," Daran hazarded. "Especially since you told her you were not here to cause problems."

The inspector just shrugged. "Actually, there are not a lot of problems I could cause. There's nothing illegal here. Everything is on the up-and-up from what I saw."

Mousse looked confused. "I thought prostitution was illegal in Japan. Isn't that true?" the Chinese man asked quietly, not wanting to offend the ladies.

"These are hostesses, not prostitutes," Ranma said. "Big difference."

"Strictly speaking, there's no sex for money here," the inspector explained. "These women are paid to flirt with the customers – that's it. They try and get the customer to spend money, and the more money the customer spends – either on alcohol or gifts – the more the flirting a customer gets. Salary men will come to one of these places to relax and see if they can attract the attention of a lady. A hostess will usually have many admirers and she will try to get them all to spend money – again the more money they spend, the more she pays attention to them. The more amorous of her fans will buy her gifts which she may return for cash – especially if she has a duplicate that she can trick the customer into believing is his gift. The smarter suitors will buy her flowers, but that may not get them the attention they desire."

"Are they really suitors – or marks?" Mousse prodded.

"It's not that unusual for a hostess to marry a customer," Tofu said. "Some are in it just for that – looking for a wealthy enough husband. But some are looking to be mistresses, some are in to string as many 'clients' along as possible, and some just do a job. It depends on the hostess. To be fair, some men just like the hunt too."

"So there's no sex here, just the potential for sex," Mousse concluded.

Suddenly, two soft hands appear on the sides of Mousse's neck and sensuously stroke his face. The hands slowly tilted his head back until he was staring up into the inverted face of one of the hostesses. This woman had incredibly soft green eyes, and her make-up was applied to emphasize those eyes. In a soft voice, she purred: "Don't knock it until you try it, young man." With that, she kissed Mousse softly on the lips. Despite himself, Mousse responded to the kiss. As the kiss went on, Mousse gave himself more and more to the kiss. What he didn't realize was that she was also tipping his chair back further and further. When she finally stopped the kiss, she looked into Mousse's eyes and let go of the chair, causing him to crash backwards to the ground. Everyone howled with laughter.

"Owww…" Mousse groaned from the floor. The hostess winked at him and blew him a kiss, then grabbed his glass to re-fill it. She walked away from him with a smile and a sway to her hips that challenged every man in the room. The mercenaries and Kitsunes loved it and pounded the floor with their feet while laughing and whooping.

"And that's not illegal either," Ojima grinned.

"All right," Mousse conceded from where he lay. "I can see how this might appeal to some men – minus being dropped on the floor."

"As I said before," Ranma added. "Don't cross a hostess."

* * *

Olaf watched the room until it became obvious it was time to move on – most of the men had either struck out or convinced the hostess to give the man either her phone number (as was the case with one of the Kitsunes, Jak – the quietest of the five) or at least her work schedule for the coming week. "All right then, men! It's time to decide – Fight Club or Drinking?"

"DRINKING!" was the resounding yell.

* * *

A/N: Footnotes:

(1) We learned in the "Destruction of Ranma Saotome: Ignition" that Ranma and Ryoga can mind-speak when they are standing next to each other. You'd have to read "Brothers" to find out why though.

* * *

A/N: Next up - The Bar


	3. The Bar

Chapter 3: The Bar

The men marched merrily down a street in Kabukicho, ostensibly looking for a bar large enough to hold all of them comfortable. In the midst of the assorted warriors and mages (and one police officer) were the five Kitsunes – three of which had decided that the evening might well be enjoyable after all – the first part had certainly been amusing. Those three were chatting with the men amiably. However, the Kitsune Akio was silently fuming. _"That was a major fail,"_ he thought to his brother, Ayumu.

" _We couldn't anticipate that the red-headed girl was going to disobey her manager,"_ Ayumu replied, trying to calm his brother down. _We can still ditch the boys at the next stop."_

 _"They are not boys!"_ Akio mind-spoke. _"The Elders have pulled a fast one on us!"_

 _"Why would they do that?"_ Ayumu challenged. _"They don't know what we are up to. We just have to be patient. Sooner or later we'll get Ono alone and kidnap him."_

 _"How? The Elders forbid any real magic in the boys' presence!"_ Akio replied. _"And if one of them ends up sick or in the hospital, Ono will call the night off – we need to make them go home somehow on their own."_

Ayumu was silent for a few minutes. Then he said: _"Let's stick with the idea of boring the hell out of them first. Maybe if they see us as a bunch of old maids, they'll take off. If that doesn't work, we can see how strong their tolerance is to alcohol; young men are very susceptible to peer pressure. Maybe we can stick them in one of the hotels to sleep it off and keep the party going.."_

 _"We'll see…"_ Akio grumbled.

* * *

Finally, Olaf called a halt and pointed at one particular bar named "The Black Swan". He yelled out: "All right, lads! That's our place. Let's go!"

"Huzzah!" was the common cry, even from the non-mercenaries.

Olaf led them in and the bartender immediately called out to him: "About time, Giant! I thought you'd forgotten about me."

"Not a chance!" Olaf answered back. "I bought three kegs ahead of time so you'd hold part of the bar for us."

The bartender grinned. "Lead them towards the back – it's all yours."

The men streamed around the tables deliberately changing who sat with who. Ranma was with two Kistunes, Mausu, and two mercenaries he just met. Mousse was with Akio, Ayumu, Daran, Wales, and two other mercenaries. Ryoga and Ojima were surrounded by mercenaries who were curious about the two men and the remaining Kitsune, Jak. Olaf kept close to Tofu who was holding court in a corner of the bar room – it also allowed Olaf to track everyone.

Akio looked to be in a sour mood, but that didn't stop Ayumu, Daran, and Wales from discussing what could only be described as obscure philosophy. One of the two other warriors, an obviously bored American dressed in a denim jacket named Othan, looked across a Mousse and asked: "Have you ever played darts, lad?"

Mousse shook his head and said: "I've thrown lots of darts, but never as a game." Then he asked: "How do you play?"

The American motioned Mousse up and led him to a dart board cabinet. The other mercenary, a Spanish man named Artel, followed them. Othan opened the dart board cabinet and took out two sets of three darts. "We throw these at the target. Some of the scoring can get complicated – and ridiculous – so let's keep it simple. Each wedge is worth the points shown. This area doubles points; this area triples. The near center is 50 points, and the bulls-eye is 100 points. We do ten sets of three, alternating each set."

"Let me see the target," Mousse requested. Othan stepped out of the way. Mousse touched the target and seemed to map it out with his hands. Then he mapped out the cabinet and touched the wall. "All right," Mousse agreed. "But I warn you: I'm very good at throwing things."

Othan smiled and said a little condescending: "All right, I've been warned. I'll take my chances." Mousse nodded at him. "Loser has to pay for the bar to repair any nicks in the wall," Othan added.

"That's all right," Mousse agreed. "There won't be any."

With a raised eyebrow and a smirk, Othan led Mousse over to the foul line and said: "We have to stay behind this line. I'll go first." Mousse just nodded, so Othan threw three darts: 50, 100, 100.

Artel pulled them out and motioned for Mousse to throw: 100, 100, 100.

Two sets of eyebrows rose as Artel pulled out Mousse's darts and walked both sets over. "Interesting," was Artel's only comment.

Othan threw again: 100, 100, 50. Then Mousse threw: 100, 100, 100. Othan: 100, 100, 100. Mousse: 100, 100, 100. Othan: 100, 50, 100. Mousse: 100, 100, 100.

And so it went with Othan throwing perfect or near perfect rounds and Mousse throwing perfect rounds. After each round, Artel returned the darts without a word until after the eighth round. "You two jackasses know there's more to the board than just the center, right?" he taunted.

"Shut up," Othan told him. "I've heard about this, but I've never seen it before." He turned to Mousse and said: "Let's finish this first." Mousse just shrugged his shoulders and the two finished the game.

"I've never seen a perfect game," Artel remarked.

"I have," Othan said. "I've even thrown a few. I'd normally say that the lad has game skills, which he does, but there's something else here too. Watch this…" He went over to the bartender and called: "I need a blindfold!" The barkeep tossed a clean rag at him.

"You could just take off my glasses – I'm blind as a bat," Mousse said.

"I don't doubt it, kid. It's part of the condition," Othan told him. "But let's do it my way. He had Mousse take off his glasses and blindfolded Mousse. Then he held out the darts to Mousse, who took them with a small amount of hesitation. "Throw them!" Othan ordered. Mousse threw the darts: 100, 100, 100.

"Holy crap," Artel muttered.

Othan motioned Artel to retrieve the darts. Other members of the party began to notice what was going on and drifted over, including the Kitsune, Jak. Silently, Othan then motioned for Artel to pull the board off-center. "Throw again!" Othan ordered Mousse. Mousse nailed the center three times anyway.

"Are you going to do the last test?" Mousse asked.

"You bet your ass, kid," Othan said. "I've always thought your kind were legends." He pulled Mousse away from the line and spun him, shoving him even further back. Then he shoved the darts at Mousse. "Throw them!" he ordered

100, 100, 100.

Someone let out a whistle. Artel pulled out the darts and silently handed them to Othan who stood looking at Mousse. "Who's your Master?" Othan demanded as he took off the blindfold and handed the glasses back to Mousse.

"Ciren Blake," Mousse answered.

"That bitch…" he muttered. Then he spun away from Mousse and threw three darts in quick succession across the room at Tofu's shoulder. "YOU BASTARD!" he roared as Tofu snatched all three darts out of the air. "You actually found a Blind Fighter and gave him to Blake?"

Tofu grinned viciously. "You weren't available, Othan. She was."

Othan snorted and turned back to Mousse placing a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon kid," Othan said. "She may be teaching you weapons, but I'm going to teach you how to drink and keep your wits about you…"

"Not alone, you're not," Artel laughed. A few of the other mercenaries also echoed the sentiment laughing.

* * *

Ranma listened with amusement as Mausu recounted a tale of European intrigue and spying. There were two Kitsunes, Yul and Shiran, with him and two oversized mercenaries, Pauls and Jacobs. Mausu was pushing the boundaries of the believable (even allowing for the fact that two of his audience were mythological), but he still told a very good story. After the story ended and the table laughed, Pauls yelled: "Hey, barkeep! Could we get a couple of orders of nachos here?"

"You're lucky I know what they are!" the bartender yelled back.

"All right, but do you have them?" Pauls yelled again.

"Yes, I do. Hold on and I'll order them from the kitchen!"

Several others repeated the call, causing Ranma to ask: "What are nachos?"

"Mexican chips and dip," Shiran laughed. The Kitsune yelled out: "Two more orders over here!" Then he turned back to Ranma. "Corn chips with lots of cheese, spicy beef, tomatoes, and if we are lucky, very hot peppers," he added.

Ranma shrugged. "Sounds good, I like hot food."

"By hot, we mean extremely spicy," Yul clarified.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Ranma said as he shrugged again. Shiran raised an eyebrow and smirked at Yul.

When the food arrived, Pauls said: "Like this." He picked up a chip and pushed it through some of the cheese and vegetables.

Ranma did the same and popped it into his mouth. "Not bad," he said. "It's only a little spicy, though."

"Well," Shiran smiled. "You need to add some of those peppers on it."

Ranma did so, and bit down on the pepper and the chip. He chewed it carefully, but only noticed a little bit of heat. "It's nice enough," he said. "But it's nothing like Akane's volcano curry.

Mausu hid his smirk and said nothing – he had once eaten Akane's volcano curry and still had nightmares about it. The thief was sure being a Fire Mage had distorted the girl's sense of taste. She had learned to tone it down for mere mortals, and was now a decent cook, but every now and then, she cooked for herself only (the leftovers were kept in containers marked with hazmat symbols). Surprisingly enough, Ranma could also eat the volcano curry. He just said that she had cooked it perfectly. The young man also confided to Mausu that Akane's cooking had come a long way from the disasters she used to make. Mausu figured the earlier disasters must have destroyed Ranma's sense of taste too.

"Really," Shiran said with the same smile. "We must add a little more spice to it than just the jalapenos then. Hold on a minute." He snatched a menu from its holder on the table and looked down the list. Then he got up and went to the bar. Mausu pushed a button on the remote in his pocket and listened on his hidden earpiece to the Kitsune's conversation:

 _"What's up?" the bartender asked._

 _"I've looked at your menu and I want to make a special request – it's worth an extra 20000 yen if you're interested," Shiran said._

 _"I'm listening," the man said._

 _"My young friend thinks your nachos are a little plain. Think you can get us an assortment of peppers to spice it up?" the Kitsune asked._

 _The bartender grinned evilly. "How long do you want him in the hospital?" he asked._

 _"I don't, but I want him to grab his glass and beg for refills for the next hour. Give me an assortment that walks the scale," Shiran said. "I'll walk him up until he cries 'Uncle'. It might take a bit though – He's young and stubborn."_

 _"I don't have any scorpions, but I do have habaneros and ghosts."_

 _"Perfect," Shiran smirked._

"Oh, there's no way I'm interrupting this little contest," Mausu thought to himself with a laugh.

* * *

Sometime later, Mausu watched as a server brought the tray of peppers over, two more orders of nachos, and two glasses of beer. Oddly enough, it was the beer that first caught Ranma's attention. "I don't drink," the lad said.

"Then I'll tell you a secret about social drinking," Pauls said. "It's something that will serve you well in business. A mug of beer, a glass of wine, or a shot of liquor is all the same amount as far as getting drunk goes. If you're healthy, your body can get rid of one 'drink' in an hour. If you don't want to get drunk, stick with beer and sip it slowly. Take your time and stay away from wine, liquor, or mixed drinks."

Ranma glanced at Mausu who only nodded and added: "Also, guard your glass so no one dumps anything into it – either a refill before you're ready or something funny. If the hour passes and you haven't finished the beer, discretely dump the remainder on the nearest plant and order a fresh one. I've often used that trick to make it look like I was drunk when I was stone-cold sober."

"When you are on a job," Jacobs chimed in. "You never want to have a complete drink in you, so you time the beer to the clock – no more than half a mug in half an hour and space whatever you do drink over the entire time. You can hold the glass to your lips and look like your taking a long swallow, but always take the sip you're comfortable with."

"*Never* take a swallow if you don't want it," Mausu agreed. He was a little surprised to see the Kitsunes nodding discretely in agreement, but he went on anyway: "Learn to get use to the taste, though. You don't want to be wincing when you're out with the boss or a client. Food slows down the absorption if you can't spread out the drink, but there are limits to that," Mausu added again.

"I thought mercenaries were hard drinkers," Ranma said with a raised eyebrow.

Pauls laughed. "We are, lad! But you said you didn't want the drink, yet sometimes you need to look like you do, especially in a business situation. So practice with that one. We won't care either way – that's your beer. You're free to drink it or toss it."

"But if you decide you like it, you won't get another for an hour or so," Shiran teased grinning. "I'm not returning you back to your brother smashed. He'd have my hide stretched out in front of a fireplace."

The others at the tabled agreed with Shiran and laughed. Mausu noticed that one of the other Kitsunes at Mousse's table seemed to have a seizure with Shiran's words. "Oh, dear," he thought maliciously. "Another plan up in smoke?"

The spy then watched as the young man picked up the beer carefully and took a taste. Ranma immediately made the expected sour face and the men around him laughed. "Augh, it tastes like spoiled bread!" the pig-tailed young man burst out.

"That's about right!" Yul laughed. "And you do need to practice not wincing."

"To spoiled bread!" Pauls called out. The other men and the Kitsunes raised their glasses and took a drink. To their delight, Ranma appeared to do the same, but obviously took only a small sip (if any at all).

"Here," Shiran said pushing the nachos and peppers toward him. "This will get the taste out of your mouth." Shiran picked up one of the fish peppers with a nacho and ate it.

Ranma did the same and commented: "That's a little stronger than the other ones."

"The platter goes up in strength clockwise," Shiran told him. "Let's see who can get further around the platter without finishing their drink. Bragging rights to the winner," Shiran finished.

"You're on!" Ranma grinned.

"One second," Mausu said. He took Ranma's cola glass and refilled it. He placed it next to Ranma's beer when he came back and gave Shiran one as well. Then he placed a basket of bread in front of each man. "You start off even now."

Both men shifted until they were opposite each other with the platter between them. They both grabbed two fish peppers this time with the chips and ate them, watching each other's reaction. Jacobs leaned over to Mausu and whispered: "You're a bastard, thief. You know soda and beer are near useless for an overdose."

Mausu looked innocently at Jacobs and said: "And what would have happened to me if I went to the bar and asked for milk?"

* * *

Mausu watched the two men work their way around the platter. Neither of them batted an eye at Cheyennes, Tabascos, Piquins, or the Tien Tsins. The Jamaican Hots were the first sign of anything – Ranma took a sip of cola and Shiran had a sip of beer. The Hots were followed by three different Habaneros – White, Orange, and Chocolate – which marked the end of the crazy zone as far as Mausu was concerned. From here on in, everything was officially strait-jacket insane. Both men were starting to consistently take small sips of their drinks (both the cola and the beer) and little pieces of their bread.

Shiran tried to speak and had to take a sip. Then he said in a hoarse voice while pointing at each group: "Red Habenero, Habanaga, Infinities, Ghost." Ranma just nodded, but his eyes were starting to tear ever so slightly. Mausu figured they had surpassed Akane's volcano curry with the Chocolate Habaneros (and everything else in Ranma's stomach).

Slowly, the two started the death match again. They held it together through the last of the Habeneros, but Shiran broke out in a sweat midway through the Habanaga. Ranma couldn't gloat though – he couldn't stop the tears leaking from his eyes. Both men had shaking hands once the Infinities were gone. They both looked at the six Ghost peppers. Shiran drew in a deep shuddering breath and made a couple of hand gestures:

 _One, then two._

Ranma just nodded as his hand began to crush the edge of the table. They each reach for one, put it in their mouths and bit down. Ranma's resting hand snapped off a piece of the table. Shiran wasn't strong enough to duplicate the feat, but it wasn't for lack of trying. Ranma's free hand dove for his last two peppers, determined to finish the challenge even though he was in agony. Shiran was no less stubborn. Both threw two peppers into their mouths and both bit down at the same time. No one saw the two leave the table, but they did see that the back door was suddenly open and the door alarm was going off.

* * *

Ojima watched as Tofu poured more doped milk down Shiran's and Ranma's throats. Then he and ten other men witnessed as Shiran and Ranma threw the milk back up a third time. Through some magic (probably more literally than figuratively), neither threw up on themselves or each other.

Tofu looked at the results and nodded: "All right. I think that's the worst of it." He handed a cup to each of the sick men and said: "Drink this slowly now. It's straight milk and should stay down." They both sat back and did as they were told. "You know," Tofu started conversationally. "When I imagined people throwing up tonight, this wasn't quite the situation I thought would be going down."

Shiran seemed to shake himself and then reached over and squeezed Ranma's shoulder. "It's all his fault for being so stubborn," the Kitsune joked weakly.

"I had plenty of help," Ranma returned in about the same condition. There were chuckles from the crowd at that.

"Damn, I never had a ghost pepper get away from me like that," Shiran commented.

"You usually don't march through a course of Habeneros first," Tofu drawled.

"Bull. A lot you know," Shiran answered.

"You do this regularly?" Ranma said with a shudder.

"I love spicy food," Shiran said. "I thought I had you from the get-go."

"That's because you haven't met Ranma's fiancée, Akane," Mausu said. "Ranma wasn't kidding about her volcano curry."

"Meal of a thousand nightmares," Tofu agreed.

"The community doesn't let her eat it outside of the house," Ojima added. "Hazmat lives in fear of that stuff and if her lunch box ever fell in one of the canals, we'd have a drought on our hands."

"Hey, it's nothing like she used to cook – even she couldn't eat that stuff," Ranma protested.

"True – when she makes volcano curry, she means to make it that hot," Tofu admitted.

"I have *got* to come over for dinner sometime," Shiran said. There was more chuckling at that comment.

The color came back to Ranma's face first and he stood up by pushing back against the wall. Then he helped Shiran stand up. "Damn, you heal fast, lad," the Kitsune said.

"Come back inside, both of you," Tofu said. "Have some bread and stick to lighter fare for the rest of the evening," he added firmly. "And hide your tail, Shiran – it's showing."

Shiran concentrated to do just that, and then he and Ranma leaned on each other to walk inside. "Still," the Kitsune commented. "It felt like all those later peppers hit harder than they should, and I would swear my mouth tastes a bit like Scorpion pepper too."

* * *

Up on a roof several blocks over, Tomo appeared in human form and danced gleefully. He had done it! He had managed to prank his teacher, Shiran! Too bad that Ranma got caught too, but he would shake it off quickly. Tomo took out the bottle of Scorpion Sauce and looked at it. "I even managed to do it while Yul was watching!" he thought. "I can claim victory over him as well!"

Tomo continued to dance about, not noticing that the cap was not on as tight as it should have been. Nor did he notice that his hands were starting to tingle from the drops leaking out. Had he noticed this, his brain probably would have stopped him from kissing the top of the bottle in celebration, which is what he actually did do next.

It was fortunate that he was in human form. Otherwise, his fellow Kitsunes would have recognized his yells. As it was, the police spent several hours looking for the human child who had been screaming in pain for 30 minutes straight….

* * *

A/N: Next up - The Strip Club (and maybe some answers to why the mercenaries gave Ranma - and Ryoga and Mousse - the drinking lesson instead of letting them fall on their faces...)


	4. The Strip Club

Chapter 4: The Strip Club

Ojima walked back into the bar following Shiran and Ranma. He immediately noticed that everyone not outside with the pepper victims was gathered around one table. He couldn't see one of the occupants, but even though the other was sitting down, he could tell the man was Olaf. The big man seemed to be concentrating on something. The group coming in the door managed to merge in with the standing group, allowing Ojima to see what was going on: Ryoga Hibiki was engaged in an arm wrestling competition against the giant. Immediately, the inspector could see Ryoga was at a terrible disadvantage. Olaf's larger size gave him much more leverage over the smaller man.

Ojima knew Ryoga was the strongest of the Tendo dojo crew, even if Ranma was the better fighter. He also knew the Ryoga surpassed most of Nerima in raw strength (and constitution) including even the Dojo Destroyer. Still there was something about Olaf that always gave the inspector pause. Ojima knew he wasn't human – at least not fully human. The inspector didn't consider this a bad thing; Tofu wasn't fully human either after all. But Ojima couldn't place what Olaf's other half was. Ogre was the best guess Ojima could hazard, but it didn't seem quite right.

"How'd this happen?" Tofu asked Wales.

"The usual," Wales replied. "We were showing off and someone talked Hibiki into a match. The lad won easily, so others tried. Hibiki kept winning though. Finally, Olaf sat down opposite the boy. There was no challenge or anything; no boasting or blustering. They just nodded at each other, joined hands, and haven't moved since."

Ojima looked at the two men. Both of them were etched in stone. "Are they all right?" he asked.

"We're fine, Ojima," Olaf called out. "Hold down the noise, we are trying to concentrate here."

Everyone watched for about five minutes without saying anything. Ojima didn't see anything change. Finally, sweat broke out on Ryoga's brow, and the joined hands moved ever so slightly in Olaf's favor. Ryoga fought back to even, but it was obvious Olaf was outlasting him. After another five minutes, Olaf slammed Ryoga hand down as the lad muttered loudly: "Ah, damn!"

Ryoga laid his head on the defeated arm in exhaustion. Olaf reached across and patted the lad's shoulder. "'Damn' is not a word you should be using. You fought a good fight. No man has lasted that long against me – ever."

"Maybe," Ryoga replied. "But that took a lot out of me. It'll be a week before I can try you again."

"Don't bother," the giant said gently. "You need to master your power first. Do that and we'll give it a try again. Still, you did really well and you deserve a small reward." Olaf reached out and tapped Ryoga's head.

Ryoga's eyes widened a little and he lifted his head. Straightening up, he flexed his hand and looked at it. "That feels much better," the young man said.

"Good. You'll be back to yourself in a few minutes," Olaf rumbled. He then stood up and addressed the room. "I think it's time to move on. There's been enough contests tonight, so we'll skip the Fight Club. Besides, I think most of you would rather drink anyway." There was some laughter at that comment. Olaf turned to Tofu. "What do you say, Boss?" the blond man asked. "Should we find a show and get some wine there?"

"No! More beer!" a few men yelled out.

"You heard them, Commander," Tofu laughed. "We need to find a show with beer, not sake."

Olaf turned to the bartender. "Do you know of a good place?" Olaf asked.

"There's a new place further up the block," the barkeep responded. "I've had a few patrons come in from the show and remark that it was all right. They do have some beer – Japanese and Canadian I've been told." Two of Olaf's men let off loud "whoop" cheers at that.

"Sounds like a place to try," Olaf agreed. "What's it called?"

"The Bluefin."

* * *

Once again, the troop marched through Kabukicho. Many were well along in their drinking, but all were surprisingly mobile. They were all chatting animatedly except for two of the disguised Kitsunes. _"Maybe we should give this up?"_ Ayumu thought to his older brother.

Akio looked angrily at his younger brother. _"Have you forgotten what Tofu did to us at the Test?"_ he asked.

 _"We lost, the others won,"_ Ayumu thought. _"Tofu was not the final judge anyway – and he is our friend when it comes right down to it."_

Akio looked stumped for a moment, and then let out a sigh. _"O.K., you're right - I'm a bit overly wound. I'm not used to working around humans, and it's getting to me."_

 _"Besides, the boy, Ranma, gave Shiran a run for his money and I'd pay to see that again,"_ Ayumu smirked.

Akio mentally chuckled. _"O.K., I'll give you everything but the 'boy' part, but I'm not going to give up just yet. Still, stop me if I go overboard – no permanent damage to anyone, especially Tofu – or the 'boys'. And it's not like the rest of these idiots don't have a few redeeming qualities with the way they watch out for each other."_

 _"Within limits,"_ Ayumu laughed back. _"They've also set each other up too – nothing serious, but they aren't beyond pulling pranks on each other either."_

 _"Limits…"_ Akio pondered. " _I wonder what the limits of the young men are? We are heading to a place where humans stress out their hormones, aren't we?"_ he asked Ayuma.

 _"So I believe,"_ Ayuma answered.

" _Maybe we can convince the lads they need a little less stress,"_ Akio replied. Ayuma grinned a little at the thought in response. Then Akio asked his younger brother _: "Ayumu? Have you found out anything about Yul's and Shiran's companion? I've never seen Jak before."_

 _"Not yet,"_ Ayumu answered. _"My familiars haven't located his family yet. Judging from how Shiran and Yul treat him, he's at least their rank or higher."_

 _"Well if he's higher, he isn't making them address him as 'Lord',"_ Akio noted.

 _"Yes, well Tofu, Shiran, and Yul don't make us address them as 'Lord' either,"_ Ayumu replied.

Something in Ayumu's tone made Akio wonder if Ayumu was trying to rebuke his older brother…

* * *

Hideo walked a short distance behind the two Kitsune brothers, ostensibly looking at a small black notebook. Daran walked next to him and looked at the text that appeared. "That's a very interesting book," Daran noted in a quiet voice. "I don't suppose you'd consider selling it?"

"Sorry, not for sale. And it only picks up projected thoughts over very short distances," Hideo answered softly. "I've used it to foil some schemes Ranma and Ryoga cooked up to dodge class on occasion."

"Those two?" Daran seemed surprised. "They strike me as very conscientious students."

Hideo burst out laughing. "Man, have they got you fooled! They're teenagers! Don't get me wrong, they're good lads, but give them a choice between reciting arcane lessons or sneaking out to the latest action movie and what do you think they will choose?"

Daran grinned. "The same choice I would have made at their age. All right, I'm an idiot."

Hideo returned the grin. "Nah, you just forgot what it was like. Speaking of which…" he tapped a line in the little book.

"I'm on it," Daran answered.

Daran fell back to talk to Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse. "Did anyone give you the lecture about drinking?" he asked.

"Is it a rite of passage in this group?" Ranma asked.

"Actually, yes," Daran answered. "All these mercenaries belong to Guilds – that includes the non-fighters like Mausu, Tofu, and me. You three are basically Guild apprentices as far as everyone is concerned. Mercs may have to face each other across the battlefield sometimes, but we tend to watch out for each other's apprentices. Rival Guilds have been known to join forces for all sorts of training, especially dealing with different circumstances – including how to conduct business when there's alcohol or other drugs on the table. In our line of work, it's important to keep your wits about you. Mercenaries like to bill themselves as heavy drinkers, but we are very careful to build up our tolerances and stay in control - always. And I'm sure this group will want to continue the tradition with you three…"

"Jacobs and a few others gave me the talk," Ranma answered.

"Othan talked to me," Mousse admitted.

"Banner went over everything with me," Ryoga said.

"Good, just checking," Daran replied. "You know we are heading for a rough burlesque show with strippers, right?"

"Yeah, we sort of figured – what other type of show starts this late?" Ranma tossed back.

"I'd sit towards the back of the group if I was you," Daran suggested. "It will keep you out of the limelight and allow you the freedom to ignore what you want. It would also be a good vantage to watch over Tofu."

Ryoga blushed a little, but answered with some bluster: "We've all seen naked ladies." Ranma settled for raising an eyebrow.

"Trust me on this one," Daran replied. "It's not just naked women. Some of the acts will simulate sex and the proximity to the audience might be a little close."

Both boys' eyebrows shot up and both their faces turned beet red. "O.K.!" the two said as one. "In the back!"

"I so want to see the sun set tomorrow," Ranma added.

"You and me both," Ryoga said.

Mousse watched their reactions with amusement and then busted their chops by saying: "Ah, to living the simple life."

"And what's stopping you from going up front?" Ranma threw back.

"Which part of the 'simple life' is confusing you?" Mousse said smartly. "One of these days, I might have a girlfriend. Nabiki's not above blackmailing a brother-in-law. I don't have to deny something that didn't happen."

"You three did watch the alcohol consumption in the bar, didn't you?" Daran laughed. Then he dropped his voice. "By the way, did you three have any luck this afternoon?" he asked.

Ranma smirked and handed him a sealed envelope. "Ask, and you shall receive," the shape-shifter quoted.

* * *

The Bluefin Club had a large main room with half-circle tables, all facing a curtained stage. The club had very low light emitted from a handful of neon bar lights, just enough to allow the waitresses (who were dressed decently enough) to move about the tables. There was a single candle on each table to help with the lighting. Menus were not provided, nor were they needed – there was no food and the waitress had the drink list memorized.

The Bachelor Party participants grabbed some tables along one side of the room – near an emergency door. Each table held five people. The more rambunctious of the men sat at the forward-most tables. Ranma and company sat in the back of the group as they had told Daran. Tofu was seated at a table close to the teenagers since he was of a more conservative bent than most of his fellows. Ojima, Hideo, and Mausu were with him. Daran was sitting with Akio, Ayumu, and two other mercenaries closer to the stage. Wales and Olaf were in the center of the pack.

"Is it my imagination, or has Akio cooled his jets?" Mousse said to his brothers. "He looks a little resigned.

"I don't think he's given up, but he has settled down. He may still pull something later," Ranma said.

"I see Olaf is expecting trouble though. He's put himself within reach of everyone," Ryoga noted.

"Speaking of which, what did he do to you?" Ranma asked. "You perked up pretty fast back at the bar."

"He pushed my own power back into me," Ryoga answered. "It's almost like he is an Earth Power."

"He's got a proper aura though," Mousse noted.

"Yeah, I never noticed anything before today either," Ryoga said. "But part of him is supernatural. Arm-wrestling with him was like moving a mountain."

"Hmm…" was all Ranma said.

A waitress came by and did a double-take at the trio. Then she chuckled at them and wagged her finger. "I don't know whether you three are very wise or very foolish, but what do you want to drink?"

"Just three beers," Ryoga requested.

"Three Canadian Bradors please," Ranma qualified.

"See?" she scolded Ryoga. "He was faster on the uptake than you were. Better catch up." She walked away after shaking her backside at them.

"I think she figured out we are underage," Mousse noted understatedly.

"What did you ask for?" Ryoga asked Ranma

"I don't know," Ranma admitted. "It was whatever the Doc just asked for."

Mousse shrugged. "We should be all right then," he said. "He's done all the hard drinking he's going to do."

The waitress returned with their bottled beers, but teased them a little more before she left. She tugged on Ranma's pigtail and then proceeded to fondle Mousse's long hair. "See, pig-tail?" she called to Ranma. "A girl likes to play with long hair, not have it all knotted up." Then she tapped Ryoga on the head and said: "You should let yours grow." With another shake of her rear she was gone again.

"Definite trouble," Mousse commented.

"I think she likes you, duck-boy," Ranma told his brother. "There you go. She's about Kasumi's age – nice and legal." Mousse let the comment go.

Soon after the lights dimmed. A live band played off the side of the stage and the Emcee came out from behind the curtains. He was dressed in a decent suit causing Tofu to comment: "Not a leisure suit? Maybe this will be all right after all."

The Emcee announced the first act, which turned out to be about fifteen women performing a floor show using gauzy almost see-through costumes and large fans. The fan dance routine was very Hollywood like, right until the end where the performers all held up their fans and it became apparent that the women were missing any sort of undergarments. The costumes were transparent enough that it was also apparent that all of them shaved – everywhere but the tops of their heads. There was a loud cheering from the audience. Ranma sank a little into his chair. Ryoga sank a lot into his chair. Mousse settled for holding his forehead in one hand. "We are such posers," Ranma mumbled.

"It gets worse," their waitress said brightly as she produced three water glasses and filled them. She had obviously decided that the three young men were her entertainment for the night. She had also undone a few buttons on her shirt to show a little more cleavage and got close enough to watch the trio's reactions. Ranma and Mousse were largely unaffected, but Ryoga did notice a little more. With a giggle, she left again to tend to her other customers.

"Speaking of posers," Mousse commented as she left them. Ranma just nodded his head. Ryoga was too busy blushing.

The next few acts were strip-tease dances followed by routines that amounted to dancing with wet T-shirts (and nothing else). Ranma found he could deal with each act easily enough if he meditated a little. Ryoga kept mumbling Akari's name over and over again. After having been caught off-guard by the first act, Mousse was better at acting unfazed for the most part, even commented that the wet T-shirts reminded him of how the women in the Amazon village would look during harvest time in the fall when everyone was working hard and sweating. "I'm guessing your birthday is in the summer along with most of the tribe," Ranma told Mousse.

"How did you know that?" Mousse asked.

"Never mind," Ranma replied.

Ryoga was counting something on nine fingers for a few moments. "Oh," he said quietly.

In between acts, their waitress would stop by to tease them, asking them if they needed their blood pressure checked, or maybe a little of the harder stuff (hopefully she was talking about the booze). In a weird way, her flirting helped. They actually looked forward to her return. It made things seem more like a battle of wills to the young men rather than just having their hormone levels overloaded constantly. "And she is pretty," Mousse added. Ranma let that one go, but Ryoga did a double-take at Mousse and then smiled slightly.

The act of two women pantomiming sex with each other got under Ranma's skin for some reason though. His face turned cherry red. "And I wonder what hides in your subconscious," Ryoga said, delighted that he could finally return a few volleys here. Actually, Ryoga knew quite well what lurked in Ranma's dreams – they had been linked for some time now. Unfortunately, Ranma also knew what lurked in Ryoga's mind. Sometimes mutually assured destruction worked quite well.

Shortly after a loud disco act where the two women kept losing pieces of their outfits, the Emcee called for a ten minute break and advised people to stock up on their drinks. He brought the house lights up too. The three young men each asked for another beer – not that that they were really consuming much. Hideo came over and sat down with them once the waitress walked away. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Stressed," Ranma replied in a short tone.

"In over my head," Ryoga answered.

"Admittedly, this was a bit more than I expected," Mousse said calmly.

Their teacher just nodded sympathetically. "Our bodies are very physical entities with animalistic qualities. They don't always want to follow our souls – we have to be the Masters and make them. But you three are doing well. For what it's worth, I spent a little time meditating during the last couple acts. I plan to spend a lot of time meditating during the next set."

"Oh god," Ranma moaned. "What's happening next?"

"If things follow as they usually do, the lap dances will start next," Hideo said.

"Is that what it sounds like?" Ryoga asked, his voice rising a bit.

"A little worse in this club," Hideo admitted. "I chatted with the bouncers to find out what the limits were. I've already passed the word to the group." His voice turned serious: "Listen to me. There's always some amount of buying lap dances for others and I'm afraid you'll be targets – the mercenaries will be curious to see how you handle yourselves. Just keep in mind, the women are people who will listen – they want happy customers. If you tell them 'Back off', they will - I'll be pointing at my wedding ring a lot. But don't be rude to them – keep in mind this is just a job they are paid to do. They are not trying to make you miserable; they actually want the opposite." All three teenagers nodded their heads, but looked worried and maybe a little scared. Even Mousse façade was starting to break. Hideo looked thoughtful for a second. "Actually, I think I know a way to keep these jokers off your backs," he said with a side nod at the rest of the group. "I'll be back." With that, he left them.

While they waited, Tofu was approached by a man in a stylish three-piece suit flanked by two large men, obviously bodyguards. "I want the table – Move!" he ordered the doctor.

Tofu looked up calmly at the three men. "My friends are in the restroom. We are using the table right now. I'm afraid you'll have to find another," he said in firm tones.

The other man leaned down and grab Tofu's shirt. "I said…" he started, which is as far as he got.

Tofu immediately gave a short jab punch which dropped the other man immediately. The doctor then spun out of his chair and slammed the heads of the two bodyguards together, dropping them as well.

"Why are we here?" Ryoga asked his table with a grumble.

Tofu grabbed all three men roughly and dragged them to the side door. One of the bouncers opened the door for him and he deposited the three unconscious men outside. Ono then gave the bouncer a 10000 yen note and returned to his table. Mousse got up and whispered something to Tofu, who then whispered something back.

When Mousse returned, Ranma asked him: "What did you tell him?"

"I told him that the lead man had been wearing a Triad ring. He said that he knew," Mousse answered.

"Oh. That's why we are here," Ryoga added.

"Yeah, well I don't think those men will wake up until long after we are gone anyway – Tofu hit a few pressure points before he dragged them away," Ranma commented.

As the Emcee gave a two minute warning, Hideo re-appeared. The mage handed each young man 7500 yen. "Here," he said. "This will cover the cost of the girl's time."

Ranma grabbed his arm. "What the hell are you talking about?" the shape-changer hissed. "My fiancée can literally spit fire! I'm too young to die!"

"Relax," Hideo smirked. "It will be fine. It's only one girl and she'll behave – you'll see. The last person she is with should give her the money though when she's done. Do it discretely. The other two owe the 7500 yen back to Tofu – he's paying for this." With that, he got up and went back to his table.

A minute or so later, the lights went down. "I'm going to die," Ryoga muttered in a low voice as twenty women strutted onto the stage wearing high and tight bikini bottoms and tank-tops that started low on their chests and barely covered to the bottom of their breasts.

"Not today, Sugar!" their waitress's voice sounded behind him. All three turned to see the young woman who has been serving them dressed similarly to the dancers on stage with two key differences: she was obviously wearing a bikini top under the short tank top and a set of shorts over the bikini bottoms (the bottoms were visible peeking out of the shorts' waistline). "Which one of you doesn't have a fiancée?" Ranma and Ryoga wordlessly pointed at Mousse before he could react. "Cool," she said. "I'm Takara." She shifted the table away from Mousse and hopped into his lap, taking him totally by surprise.

"Let's be clear, boys," she started brightly as she looped her arms casually about Mousse's neck. "I'm not an exotic dancer. I don't have the patience. I'm just earning a little extra cash as a decoy now that my shift is done." She batted her eyes at them. "Your hands don't go down my shorts or up my shirt, and my hands won't reach down your throat for your spleen. You can hold me about the waist, the shoulders, or even the stomach. Anywhere else and I'll be holding your gonads unattached to your body. Think you can handle those rules?" she finished in a perky voice.

The three young men looked dazedly at each other and then mentally shook themselves. Ranma leaned forward, picked up a full bottle of beer, and offered it to Takara, who accepted. Then Ranma raised his bottle to the young woman and said: "Takara, I'm Ranma; this is Ryoga; and this is Mousse. Let me just say that you are our kind of lady." The other two young men also raised their bottles to Takara and all four clinked the bottles together.

* * *

A/N: Next up - The Last Act


	5. The Last Act

Chapter 5: The Last Act

Tomo sat on the floor of the bathroom breathing hard. Above him was a sink full of extremely cold water that he had nearly drowned himself it. He was young, but not that young - he knew where kits came from. He had seen many different species coupling (including his own), and he knew how the mechanics worked. He even understood the emotions (and hormones) that fed into it. There were young vixens that he was attracted to and even some young humans (he happened to think Ranma was a lucky man). However, what was happening with the "lap dances" occurring in the club room was causing his brain to short out.

"Cripes! Only humans could take something as simple and natural as sex and crank it up!" the little Kitsune thought with exasperation.

* * *

Takara stayed with the trio through the lap dances, sitting sedately on Mousse's lap. Every now and then, one of the Bachelor Party members would glance at the brothers and decide that there was enough "action" at the table (the attention spans of the troublemakers were short for obvious reasons). Because the sound system speakers were a little distance away, the four were able to talk with only a small amount of shouting. Takara was amused to see that she had correctly guessed their ages and admitted to only being three years older. She was also amused by their edited stories of the Bachelor Party so far (the young men left out some of the more mystical references).

"Do you know what will happen after here?" she asked curiously.

"Yes," answered Ranma, "And we plan to stay in the lobby with the more sane people, drink cola and eat bar food."

"It will have a lobby?" she asked again. "And colas?"

"This one will," Mousse said confidently. "It will also have sake for those that want it."

"Interesting…" she said speculatively. "You're not school kids then …" she added prompting them.

"I am," Ranma admitted. "But I'm also trying to start a dojo with my partners and I work a few hours a week at a medical clinic with my brother. Ryoga works on a farm raising livestock and crops with his partner…"

"Soon-to-be partner," Ryoga cut in. "I should have the money together to buy my share before Akari and I get married."

"And Mousse is a waiter and an apprentice chef," Ranma finished

The other two nodded their heads in agreement, but Ryoga also added: "Apprentice chef and soon to be full- time chef." Ranma nodded his head at the qualification.

"We've all done an unhealthy amount of traveling too," Mousse supplied. "Those two more than me."

Ryoga gave a little snort. "Says the man who spent time with a traveling circus as the magician," he drawled.

"Carnival, not circus," Mousse corrected firmly.

Takara's eyes became very wide. "Really?" she asked while looking at Mousse and sounding much younger.

Ryoga smirked as Ranma leaned forwarded and tapped the table. "C'mon, do some tricks for the nice lady. She's bailing us out of a bad situation," Ranma urged.

Mousse threw a dark look at Ranma and Ryoga, but smiled for Takara and put on his 'carnie' persona. He then proceeded to produce a deck of cards and ran through some standard tricks. He also made a small ball with some jacks appear/disappear and drew lines on the table cloth (which was actually paper) without a pen or pencil. He was forced to do all the tricks one-handed as his other arm was about Takara's waist and she wouldn't let him have it back.

Finally, a bouncer came over to the table and said firmly: "Sorry gang, but you have to wrap things up. This is the last song. Give the little lady her money and let her go." There was no warning in his voice; the man was just stating a fact as he had decided that the young men were not a problem.

Takara threw a pout at the bouncer, but the trio just nodded their heads. Takara then resumed her flirty personality and forced Mousse to give her the 7500 yen by having him roll it up and insert it between her breasts (she had placed her hands about his back neck again). The Chinese gentleman's face became extremely red (much to Ranma's and Ryoga's enjoyment) as he accomplished the task without actually touching Takara's chest. Takara then cooed at Mousse until he wrote his phone number on her upper arm – she teased him about his choice of location when other attributes were readily available. Ranma made sure the number was correct (it was). Finally, she gave Mousse her number on a card the bouncer supplied.

Takara looked at the bouncer and gestured for the man to turn around. The bouncer smirked and did so. Takara tightened her grip and gave Mousse an extremely solid kiss. Then she got up, kissed Ranma and Ryoga on their foreheads and tapped the bouncer on the shoulder to tell the man she was done. The bouncer nodded to her as she left down a side hallway, nodded to the trio, and went back to his station.

Ranma turned to Mousse and said: "If you used disappearing ink on her arm, I will kill you." Mousse just shook his head.

"If you don't call her, you're already dead and there's no hope for you," Ryoga added.

"No fear," was all Mousse said as he put her number away carefully.

True to the bouncer's word, the lap dancers strolled back on the stage to a departing song, stripped out of their tops and bottoms without turning around, threw the items into the crowd, and strutted off the stage. All three lads let out a breath as the house lights came on and the Emcee announced last call for drinks. Hideo and Tofu both got up from their table and looked over at the trio who returned 'thumbs up' signs.

After a restroom break, the three young men sat down again and the bouncer came back to ask if they wanted any last beer or sodas. "One the lap dancers start, the waitresses are done – they don't get hazard pay," he explained. The young men saw that all the bouncers were taking last orders.

"You have sodas?" Ryoga asked.

"No, but the employee lounge does, and people who behave themselves get perks – this applies anywhere you go. If you have 100 yen on you, I'll get you a soda." Mousse quickly found three 100 yen coins. "Back in a second," the bouncer told them.

* * *

Ojima sat down again and surveyed the room. He was the last one back to the table. The three boys were at their table sipping bottles of cola. "Now, where did they get those from?" he wondered. He was also surprised that they seemed so at ease; he would have bet any amount of money that they would have to be carried out of here in shock. Any time he glanced their way, there had been a woman at their table. He knew the mercenaries would have sent dancers their way to see how the lads handled the situation – alcohol was one thing, women were another.

"They did better than I did," he thought ruefully. As a policeman, he had seen the worst humanity did to each other, but this hadn't been the horror show he had been expecting (or had seen in the past). He had half-expected that he'd need to call a raid in, but the bouncers kept everything in line – you paid them a fixed amount for a lap dance and they stayed with you as a young woman came over. You were told upfront what the boundaries were. You crossed them and the bouncers ended the dance then and there and chucked you out. Several people were missing from the room – but none from the Bachelor party.

"I'm actually disappointed I didn't see anything illegal," he finally decided. "I saw a whole bunch of men having a rowdy and immoral time – just not illegal. And I'm disappointed that I could not join them either." A couple of the men had bought lap dances for him (he'd have to get even with Mausu), but he could not relax. The women had done everything they could, but they eventually gave up. One woman went so far as to tell the bouncer to return the money – that had been the last attempt; the bouncers refused to place him in the queue after that.

"I've spent too long outside the crowd," he thought. "I don't fit in, even with the Sight shut down."

"Are you all right?" Tofu asked.

The Inspector straightened up immediately – last thing he was going to do was bring the guest-of-honor down. "I'm just tired, Doc," he lied. "Maybe I should call it a night."

Tofu looked at him for a moment and said: "Not yet. We are almost done here. The last act will be short. Our bus will be waiting for us at the last stop, and not everyone will want to go inside the Tea Room. You can just get on-board, recline the seat and get some rest – you won't be the only one. Hold on a little longer." Ojima just shrugged and then nodded his head.

Tofu looked like we was about to say something more when the Emcee came back on stage and announced the next act. Two women acrobats came on stage wearing flesh-toned leotards and proceeded to run through a set of yoga-like positions. The contortions cause both arousal and out-and-out shock that the women's backbones did not explode and their hips collapse. Eventually, the shock beat arousal. "The perfect cool down act," Ojima thought.

When the acrobats finished, the Emcee came out and announced the final act of the night: "Gentlemen! It gives me great pleasure to welcome a true legend to our humble stage!" He made a show of placing ear-muffs on his head, much to the confusion of the audience. All the bouncers did the same. Ojima saw that Tofu sat up like a shot with a concerned look on his face. The announcer finished: "I give you, THE SIREN!"

Several things happened at once. First, Tofu grabbed a glass of water from the table, spun around, and threw the contents at Ryoga. Instantly, the young man was replaced by a small pig. Tofu's shape also changed; he grew fox ears on top of his head and a fox tail appeared on his backside. Three of the other Kistunes also changed shape. Fully half the mercenaries turned pale and slammed their hands to their ears while humming loudly; Daran and Mausu were among them. Hideo began to chant loudly. Olaf stood up in surprise. A second after that action, a beautiful clear voice sang out, completely overwhelming the room without a need for a microphone or an amplifier, submerging out even Hideo's chanting, despite the fact Hideo was sitting next to Ojima.

The voice was familiar, but also like none Ojima had ever heard. To call it beautiful would have been an insult - it was so far beyond that. The voice contained every longing a man ever had. Ojima felt it wrap around his soul, echoing his own buried needs. The note the voice sang changed half an octave, and then broke into the words of a song. As the song started properly, a blond woman stepped out onto the stage wearing a diaphanous silver gown that did nothing to hide her beautiful figure. She was an athletic woman. Her breasts were modest, but stood proud and firm, every nuance showing through the dress. Her backside and hips were full and perfectly proportioned, marking her as one who could easily bear children - the dress clung perfectly there as well. Her legs were long and fit. The blond hair flowed down her back all the way to the start of her legs. The inspector felt his body stiffen in response to the goddess.

But it was her face that shocked and surprised Ojima the most. He knew that face, although it never struck him until now how beautiful it truly was. That's because the face had always been angry, sad or worried. In fact, he had seen every emotion on it but happiness or contentment. The closest the man had ever seen to a smile on that face was a smirk or nasty grin, usually after the owner's sharp tongue had teased or taunted him – something it had done at least twice a week since its owner arrived in Nerima seven months ago.

At last he had an answer to one of the questions that had perplexed him though. Like Olaf and Tofu, Ciren Blake was not fully human. Half her spirit was another species and he could never figure out what it was – only that it was perpetually hungry and sad, almost like a gaki. "She took the English pronunciation and changed the first letter," he thought. "Or her parents did that. I wonder why?"

"The Sirens," his thoughts continued. "The Greek singers of doom whose voice caused men to shipwreck themselves against a rocky island." Ojima remembered from one literature course he had ages ago that there were many conflicting stories about them. Some stories likened them to birds, others to bird-headed women, and still others to normal women. "Shape-shifters I wonder," he thought again. Other stories said that they may have eaten the men they trapped, but others just insisted that the men had wasted away listening to the wondrous voices. "Or they fed on something else other than the bodies," Ojima thought.

Ciren continued to sing her song on the stage. It moved from subject to subject, promising the listener the secrets of the universe if he continued to listen. Indeed, there were many interesting stories and subjects woven in the song – secrets of the Air and Sea, wonders of Physics, things women wanted from men and men wanted from women, descriptions of the different races of men – and elves, on and on. "A lifetime of knowledge that can never be completed over several lifetimes," thought Ojima. "The song never has a proper ending and the listener can never escape once he's caught."

After five minutes of this, Ciren stepped off the stage and approached the closest table while still singing. She bent down and lifted her hand to the nearest man and cupped his right cheek. The man seemed to shudder and collapse, but she caught his head and guided it to the table. She repeated the action with the next man who also collapsed. The third man didn't collapse though; he just blushed. Ciren smiled gently at him and let him go. The fourth man collapsed like the first two. The fifth man fled the room; Ciren didn't stop him and moved to the next table.

Ojima heard Tofu sigh next to him and move away from the table. Ojima watched him approach Akio who was caught in the song. "Wake up, Akio," Tofu told him tapping him on the shoulder. "The song is not for us. You'll only get hurt."

Akio shifted to his Kitsune form and snapped out of it. "Gods!" the liberated Kitsune exclaimed. "I almost rather stayed!"

"It's a song for humans," Tofu said firmly. "They will be fine. Kitsunes get hurt badly at her touch, and Ciren doesn't really want to hurt anyone. All of her bargainers will recover within the hour – some within minutes. She has to do this though, or someone will really get hurt – she can't stop being a Siren. If she doesn't feed, she becomes like a gaki."

"Have you ever…?" Akio asked.

Tofu nodded. "A long time ago. I'm human enough that it is an interesting experience. If I didn't love Kasumi, I might volunteer, especially after having watched this show. Olaf has several times, but he's a special case. Hold on a second." Tofu leaned over and tapped Ayumu on the shoulder. Ayumu's form shifted to his Kitsune state and he sat back in his chair trying to clear his head. Tofu addressed the two: "Stay put. I need to go help anyone still fighting the song."

Akio stopped him. "What do I have to do?"

Tofu looked surprised and then grinned: "Am I forgiven then, old friend?"

Akio snorted: "Yes, jackass. You just evened the score. What do I have to do?"

"Muffle the hearing of anyone still covering their ears," Tofu instructed. "Don't try to wake up the ones who are caught – the results may be violent. If someone turns and looks at you, offer to block their ears – some may say yes. If they flee, stay out of the way and let them."

One of the Kitsunes, Jak, who had shape-changed and not been caught, called out to Tofu: "So this is Ciren. Very lovely, very lovely indeed."

"And lots and lots of trouble," Tofu called back as he returned to the table where Ojima sat. To the inspector, Tofu said: "Are you all right? Do you want me to block your ears?"

"No, don't block them," Ojima said. "I want to hear." Tofu just nodded and tapped Hideo on the shoulder. The tall man stopped chanting with relief. The doctor then tapped Mausu who dropped his hands and Tofu went to check on Ranma and the others.

Meanwhile, Ojima watched as Ciren worked her way from table to table repeating the process she had started at the first table. It became obvious that many of the men were hopelessly caught in her song. Most of these men shuddered when she touched their cheeks, and she guided each head gently to the table, but there were a few that just blushed. Ciren just caressed the cheeks of the men that were aware of the room (and who didn't run), but those men all just blushed.

"What's happening?" Ojima demanded of Hideo who watched as well. But, Hideo just tapped his ears to indicate that he couldn't hear.

Mausu tapped Ojima shoulder. "I can read your lips," the spy said. "You can talk to me."

"What's happening?" Ojima repeated. "Why are some men lost and others aware?"

Mausu shrugged and said: "The ones enraptured by Ciren's song are non-virgins. She cannot bargain with virgins. The men who blushed when she touches them are either virgins or those who passed on Ciren's offer. The sleeping, or rather exhausted, are ones who accepted Ciren's bargain. Ciren's touch can make you re-live your most passionate sexual encounter, from beginning to end - if you get my drift - in exchange for the energy she pulls from you."

"Oh damn," the Inspector muttered as the little thief's meaning became clear. "She's stealing their life-force."

Mausu's eyes hardened. "If she was, I'd love to see you prove it," Mausu challenged. "None of the exhausted men would ever press charges against her – they will recover fully. Many will line up again to bargain with her – after they take certain pre-cautions. She's not forcing the men to re-live events against their will. There's no real crime here. You can't get her on a prostitution charge – she's not selling herself. You might get her on unlawful imprisonment for holding the men using her mother's song long enough to propose the bargain except these men all paid to hear her sing in the first place. She can argue she's just carrying through on the agreement. Of course, that's provided you could convince the judge that she was actually imprisoning the men with a song – this is not Judge Sanu's territory." (1)

Mausu continued: "And if you do charge her, will you lock her up for it? If she doesn't "Hunt" as she calls it, her hunger will begin to strike 'will she, nil she'. She was once captured for 60 days and held against her will. When she was finally liberated, her deaf captors were on the point of death themselves. She cried for ten days straight at the damage her hunger had done."

Ojima looked a little stricken, but recovered to challenge back: "If it's all so benign, why did you cover your ears and why did Tofu force Ryoga to change?"

Mausu shrugged. "Ryoga's underage despite his extracurricular activities and Ciren didn't know he was here. For that matter, I don't think she knew we were here until after she stepped on stage. Otherwise, she wouldn't have sang, because it would have become tantamount to a mercenary's challenge – us against her. Which is exactly what did happen – several of us won, and several lost."

Mausu stopped to watch Ciren for a minute and then finished by saying: "Now that the battle is over, watch the men when she approaches. Some who fought the hardest will willingly accept her trade; others who fell to her song will just say 'No' so they can save themselves for something later tonight."

Ojima didn't know what to make of all of this. So he just watched with the rest of the group as Ciren finished with all the other tables and stopped in front of the Bachelor party. She continued to sing as she looked challengingly at the men. The mercenaries that could stand, did stand. Ciren nodded her head to them and then she motioned them to step aside. They did so and she went to each of the enraptured man and cupped their cheeks. Most of the men blushed and stood up swearing. Some sank down exhausted.

Ciren opened her hands wide to the rest of the group and some of them sat down again. She went to each of those men and cupped their cheek, immediately exhausting them – all except one that is. She went to Olaf last and he kissed her hand as she tried to cup his large cheek, then he let her touch him. He closed his eyes for a moment, but gave no other sign. She shook her head as if amused. Ciren then dropped her hand and turned to wink at the three brothers in the back, all staring in fascination at her (Ryoga was human again and deaf). She turned once more and left the group to stand up on the stage again. She continued the song for ten more minutes and ended her song with a promise to sing again. Then she fell silent.

Every man who had their head on the table seemed to wake up. Slowly, they stood up and began to applaud. Tofu and his group stayed standing and saluted quietly. Ciren curtseyed to them all and then left to go backstage. Once more, Ojima did not know what to do. Finally, he ran forward only to have Olaf stop him by stepping in the way. "There's no law broken, Inspector," the giant told him. "They paid to hear her sing, and she sang. Besides, you are out of your jurisdiction, something she counted on."

Ojima looked at Olaf and said the first thing that came to mind: "I have to talk to her – this is the first time I ever saw her genuinely smile." Olaf seemed taken aback by the statement so the inspector tried to dodge around the big man. Unfortunately, Olaf was fast and grabbed Ojima's shoulder.

"Olaf! Let him go!" Tofu called out. "This is between the two of them!" Olaf looked at Tofu for a minute and then released Ojima. The inspector tore off after Ciren. One of the bouncers tried to get in his way and Ojima held up his badge causing the man to back up quickly. Ojima jumped up on the stage and ran backstage, flashing his badge to make people get out of his way.

One man refused to move, but Ojima shouted: "Unless you want a raid, I want to see the Siren right now!"

"There's nothing illegal here!" the man protested. "I run a clean club!"

"Doesn't matter!" You'll still be shut down for days! Where is Ciren Blake?" Ojima yelled.

"She's done nothing wrong!" the man protested again.

"Last chance!" roared Ojima.

"It's all right, Mattan," Ciren said from behind the club owner. "I'll talk to him." Ciren had thrown a cloak over her dress. "Stop threatening him, Ojima. He treats his employees well."

"You're sure, Ms. Blake?" Mattan asked.

"Yes. Believe it or not, he's a friend. Despite his lack of social graces, he'll behave himself," Ciren answered. "I'll grab my things and he and I can leave, so you can close up on time."

"If you're sure…" Mattan said, obviously not sure himself. At her nod, he continued: "Will you come back for Friday?" There was a slightly pleading note in his voice.

"Yes – I'll work one night a week. We can discuss the schedule later, but Friday is fine for now," she replied. Mattan nodded his acceptance and left to supervise the clean up. Ciren addressed Ojima: "All right, let me get my bag. We can talk on way to wherever."

* * *

A/N – Footnotes:

(1) Judge Sanu is the lead judge of Nerima and was introduced during "The Destruction of Ranma Saotome." He is well acquainted with the unusual people and circumstances of Nerima by now.

* * *

A/N: Next up - Kunoichi


	6. The Kunoichi

Chapter 6: Kunoichi

Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse knocked fists together in celebration at having survived as they walked down the street towards the last destination and its waiting bus. "You three looked like you had fun," Wales drawled from behind them (he was the last man in the group). "Every time I glanced your way, there was a girl at your table during the lap dances."

"So, we broke our piggy banks," Ranma blustered. "Some things are a once and a lifetime experience."

Wales laughed. "Coming back again, are you?" he bantered.

"Nope," Ryoga said walking a fine line. "Once in a lifetime is once in a lifetime. I've got a girl, and I'm happy. One lady is enough, thanks!"

"You got that right!" Ranma added making sure what side of the line he was on.

"Looking to get married before your time, I think," Wales shot back.

"You won't convince them, Wales," Mousse threw out. "They are lost causes."

"Too bad. I have a feeling we are going where the ladies do more than dance for you," Wales said slyly. "A man can get mighty hungry…"

Ranma remembered an old saying and used it with a shrug: "Doesn't matter where I get my hunger, so long as I eat at home." Wales actually laughed at that. Ryoga banged fists with Ranma again while Mousse winked at his poser brothers.

* * *

Up at the front of the group, Olaf and Tofu led the party to the last destination. "How do the lads know about this place?" Olaf ask the Doc. "Those three are straight as arrows when it comes to women."

"Which allows the women to trust them," Tofu replied in an overly casual tone. "Akane used to hate boys, but she trusts Ranma."

"Bull," Olaf laughed. "She may have said that, but she really only hated the idiots that challenged her, and, even then, she didn't hold a grudge once they stopped. I can read people a lot better than that." Then he dropped his voice, and said: "Or at least I thought I could. I *really* didn't see this one coming…"

Tofu looked amused. "You think of Ciren as your little sister," he said. "You have a few blind spots where she is concerned."

"Perhaps, but everyone is little compared to me," the giant chuckled.

* * *

Daran and Mausu walked with Hideo near the middle of the group. "No bloody way," Mausu mumbled in shock.

"It's got to be Nerima," Daran stated in wonder. "Entropy taken to its greatest extreme or something like that."

Hideo laughed at them. "I'd normally say opposites attract and let it go, but I'm not sure what either of their opposites are. They are both off the charts. But none of that matters, it's happening anyway."

"Our world is doomed," Daran replied in a gloomy voice.

"Your world maybe," Shiran replied from behind them. "Me and my fellows are going to run home with our tails between our legs, bolt all the Gates, and take cover. This is *your* problem." Everyone within earshot burst into laughter.

* * *

Just behind Tofu and the lead group, Ciren and Ojima marched side-by-side and argued fiercely. "A girl's got to eat," she said sharply. "Would you rather I was sneaking into houses at night and draining men dry, leaving only their dry withered corpses for the sun to find?" she snapped with her nose in the air. She was still wearing the diaphanous silver gown, but she had put a thick form-fitting silk layer under it. It smoothed out some of her more erotic contours and provided warmth against the night. Her hair had returned to its normal length – midway down her shoulder blades. She also wore a thick woolen cloak over the outfit (which acted more like a cape) and white flat-bottomed slippers on her feet. Many a man observing her walked into mailboxes, light poles, or the occasional open manhole (this is the Ranma Universe after all).

"Of course not!" Ojima burst out. He looked rather stunning himself, even beyond the raw energy he was emitting. Unbeknownst to him, one of the busybody Kitsunes had enchanted his suit so he was now wearing something cleaned, pressed, and several levels above his pay grade. While not a martial artist, he was not the sort of inspector that had hid in his office and sent his men out to do his job. His Sight/Curse had shown him an endless array of the guilty and his constant and unending pursuit had given him a lean hunter's frame. While a little shorter than Ciren, his presence always made him seem taller than he was. Many of the women on the street were trying to get his attention, but failed miserably. "But you are trapping them…" he said while continuing to pursue the only strong argument he really had.

"There are many traps in the world, Ojima!" she cut him off. "Hell, we humans have formal names for others who set them! We call them 'Advertisers'! I at least deliver on the goods! My song promises knowledge, and it's in the song! I sang about the differences among men today – and every word was true!"

Ojima stopped for a moment. "Then there really are elves out there?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes, Ojima – at least four orders that I know of," she said as she pulled him into motion again. "I didn't make that up. Because I'm a Siren, I can always tell fact from fiction. I spend a lot of time reading, observing, and learning. Every time I sing, the song is different. No one can lie to me, even when I rather they could." She said the last part bitterly, and it echoed within the inspector, keeping him silent.

Ciren quietly spoke into the silence between them: "It's taken me a long time to accept who I am, Shoichi." That was the first time she had ever used his first name. "It took me longer to find a way to feed the Siren in me that I could live with. I refuse to drain anyone completely – it's not a pleasant way to die. Even in battle, the sword, the gun, or the arrow are much kinder." She paused for a minute and then went on: "At least this way, I exchange one coin for another and no one gets hurt. But I understand if we cannot be friends." She said the last part sadly.

Ojima's eyes widened at her words and he snatched Ciren's hand from her side without even thinking about it. "Screw that!" he said just as firmly as he held her hand. Now, Ciren's blue eyes widened and her mouth popped open in surprise. She lifted her free hand to her mouth and looked at Ojima. The inspector – no – Shoichi – had a small smile on his face. Ciren recognized that he probably didn't use those muscles very much and that this smile was just for her. She let her lips curl up to form one of her own rare smile.

* * *

Mousse watched his Master and the inspector hold hands up near the front of the group. A smirk crossed his face as he saw a red thread form between the couple's wrists and glow brightly.

* * *

"Hey Fox!" one of the merc's yelled. "You sure you know where you're going? We've left the neon behind. This is starting to look residential."

"Almost there!" Tofu promised.

The group turned a corner and saw their bus waiting about ten blocks away. It was parked next to a large house sitting on its own hill. The house was large enough to hold several families and probably did – there was no way one family could pay the taxes on it in this part of Tokyo. The front door of the house was brightly lit with a blue light over the door and was visible due to the hill. The large windows on either side of the door were filled with white curtains that glowed to show that the occupants were awake. The windows belonging to the rest of the house had shades drawn, but there was light leaking out from the edges of the shades. Surprisingly enough, the house was surrounded by a three meter high stone wall.

Tofu stopped in front of the large wooden front gate. The gate was shut, but a blue candle burned on a shelf, just below a small viewing door set about face level. Tofu read the writing on one of the gate posts out loud: "House of the Falling Star". Then he turned to the group and yelled: "Ranma! Get up here! You have to make the introductions."

"Yes, sir!" Ranma answered and worked his way forward.

"Fox, where are we?" Pauls called out.

"We are at a Kunoichi Tea Room and Bath House," Tofu said. There were a few whistles from the audience and a few confused looks. He continued: "This serves as a training ground for the true Kunoichi or female ninjas. You can think of it as a Hostess club when the attention is more personal and a little more insistent. It is not a bordello – you might be able to charm a woman, but she is not obligated to you – you also might be sorry you did charm her. You have three choices: you can join me inside which is a complete unknown; you can get on the bus and recline in one of the nice seats, enjoy the liquor Olaf set up, and rest or watch the mini-screens for the rest of the trip; or you can get on the bus and the driver will take you back to a few 'choice' locations in Kabukicho and you can take your leave of the party. I'm going in."

The Kitsune Yul immediately shouted out: "I'm in!" His fellows echoed the sentiment.

Artel called out: "I already know where the best whore houses in Tokyo are." A few men laughed at that. He continued: "But I'm not passing up a chance to meet a real live Kunoichi – especially when she's not trying to kill me." There was more laughter and even more agreements.

"Female ninjas?" Othan said. "If there are students, then there are Masters. No way I'm missing this – even if we just sit there drinking tea and discussing training styles, it would be worth it."

Ojima raised an eyebrow at Ciren. She pointed at the house imperiously, so he just nodded. Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse just stood by Tofu without saying a word, their minds already made up. In the end, it was only Hideo who debated getting back on the bus and calling it a night. Finally he said: "Curiosity will be the end of me yet – I'm in."

Tofu nodded to Ranma who then pulled the bell rope. The sound echoed loudly in the night. Very soon, the peep hole door slid open and a young girl dressed in a pink kimono about 13-years old peeped out. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"We have reservations for now," Ranma told her politely.

"Your name, good sir? She asked.

"I am Ranma Ono."

"Oh, Lord Ranma! Hold on a minute!" she said. Ranma winced. "I'll get my Mistress!" The girl snapped the door shut.

"Lord Ranma?" Ciren teased. There were many raised eyebrows looking at Ranma too.

"Not my idea!" Ranma hissed. "I kept pushing for just 'Ranma' or 'Mr. Ono'. But the guide I met this afternoon kept insisting on 'Lord Ranma'."

"This is true," Mousse said, backing him up. "He was blushing fiercely while she was doing it and Akane was laughing her head off. I was 'Mr. Ono' though. Akane was referred to as 'Lady Akane' which caused her to blush too."

"Let that be a warning to all of you," Tofu said. "The Kunoichi have their own view of the world. They are also master spies as well as assassins. They may know more about you then you think they do."

Within a short time, they heard a bar lifted from the gate, and the gate was opened carefully. A young woman appeared, dressed in a red and black kimono. She looked to be in her mid-twenties. She bowed to Ranma and said: "Greetings again, Lord Ranma." Ranma politely returned the bow while suppressing the wince this time. "I am pleased you were able to make it. My Mistress is delighted as well." She looked at the rest of the group. "I am Anna," she announced. "I will take you to the Head of our House. Please stay on the path."

Ranma and Tofu led the way in. Everyone else followed two-by-two through the very elegant garden until they reached the front door and entered into a large foyer where they found house slippers waiting for them. As they changed, a young girl approximately twelve years of age approached Ciren and asked: "May I take your cloak for you, Lieutenant Blake?" The girl added, "Good sirs, you will find the necessary coat hangers to your left."

Ciren handed her cloak to the girl with a smile. The girl then turned to Ojima and requested: "Inspector, please wear your badge if you are going to carry your gun. It's important that your servers know the gun should be with you." Ojima made a face, but took out his badge and pinned it to his suit jacket. Ciren raised an eyebrow at him, but let it go.

Olaf chuckled. "Any other points you want to make, lass?" he said.

The girl smiled. "No, Commander Thorsen. That should do," she replied pertly.

"Don't be rude, Mi," Anna told her. Mi curtseyed (not bowed) to Olaf and left. "Please excuse Mi. She's training in espionage and we haven't broken her of the habit of showing off."

"That's all right," Daran said. "I know some fully grown spies who still have an issue," he added looking at Mausu.

"Said the pot calling the kettle black," Mausu replied with aplomb.

"Please save the banter for my Mistress," Anna requested with a smile. "Otherwise, I will have to repeat it and I don't know if I will get the nuances correct."

Anna led them to a large formal tea room. An elegant black-haired lady in her late forties waited for them. She was dressed in a red kimono as well, but the garment was adorned to mark her high rank. There were two slightly younger women, one on either side of her, also waiting. The table had been laid out to accommodate the party, and about thirty women who looked to be in their late teens to early thirties were ready to wait on them.

The black-haired lady said: "I am the Mistress of the Falling Star. You may call me Lady Hoshi. Welcome to the Tea Room." Her eyes perused the group and then rested on Tofu. "Lord Tofu, in celebration of your upcoming nuptials, you are our Guest of Honor. Normally, I'd have you sit on my right and be attended by Lady Yasuko. However, since your lord is here, that would be inappropriate despite the celebration." Shiran and Yul rolled their eyes. Hoshi turned and looked at Jak – the quietest of the Kitsunes. "Lord Jakaro, would you please sit on my right as the highest ranking member here?"

Jakaro sighed and his form shimmered. To almost everyone's astonishment, he assumed a humanoid Kitsune form with his tails – all nine of them – fanned out behind him. "It's always the quiet ones," Jacobs muttered.

Ranma had been about to mutter an oath himself when he felt a punch in the stomach. "SHUT UP!" Tomo yelled in his mind. Ryoga and Mousse stiffened as well. "That's one of the Kitsune High Lords. He often serves as Lord North for the Elders. He's your brother's Master. Like it or not, he's also your Master. You three idiots are Kitsunes by adoption – even you, Ryoga! You're Ranma's acknowledged foster brother, which makes you Tofu's and Mousse's brother too – Kitsune's don't do things by halves! Just think Bushido-squared from here on in! Please!" the little invisible Kitsune begged. There was a pause and then the three heard: "Oh gods, I am so dead…"

Jakaro now wore a fine set of red silk robes. The Kitsune lord gave a slight bow to Hoshi and walked forward to his cushion. Lady Hoshi gave a very deep bow as Jakaro approached. Then she turned to Tofu and asked: "Lord Tofu? Would you please sit on my left? Lady Hana will attend to you." Tofu glanced at Lord Jakaro, who nodded ever so slightly. Then Tofu bowed and walked forward. Hoshi addressed the rest of them: "Please forgive me for saying this, but please sit as you are comfortable. I have wrestled all evening with the seating order, but I have to admit I am at a complete loss. Does a Commander out-rank a young Cat Lord? How does a Wind Lord compare to an Earth Giant? Where do mages sit? How does one rank a Chinese Mystic or a Master Thief? A Sergeant who is also a Weapons Master? A Police Inspector? Then drag Kitsune Masters and Teachers into this and there is no hope. My apologies." She bowed to them all and they bowed back.

While Ciren and the men moved forward, Jakaro glanced at Shiran and indicated the seat next to him. Shiran nodded and moved to his Master's side. Along the way, Shiran grew seven tails but otherwise stayed in human form. Jakaro also glanced at Yul and nodded at the next seat. As Yul started forward, he stopped suddenly and turned to face Akio and Ayumu. Yul displayed five tails and pointed at the two seats just down from the one he was going to take. The mute gesture was surprisingly commanding considered how laid back Yul had acted all evening. Akio and Ayumu had been very pale before the gesture. Now they looked absolutely terrified as they moved forward – each showing three tails which were drooping submissively on the floor. Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse took all this in as they sat down, seating themselves a couple of chairs down from Tofu. Olaf sat next to Tofu followed by Daran. Hideo sat on the other side of Mousse, followed by Ciren, Ojima, and Mausu.

Once everyone was seated, Lady Hoshi led the gathering through a formal Tea Ceremony. Many of the mercenaries were familiar with the tradition as were the native Japanese. The inspector helped Ciren through it and the assigned hostesses helped those unfamiliar with it as well. In deference to the number of people present, Lady Hoshi did not prepare the traditional bowl of thick tea to be shared, but used an abbreviated form of the ceremony and skipped to preparing individual bowls. The very first prepared bowl she presented to Tofu, which puzzled the doctor as he accepted it. When he looked at her, she motioned for him to return the bowl to her immediately, which he did. She then presented the bowl to Lord Jakaro, whose eyebrows had risen mischievously as he accepted the bowl. Hoshi and Jakaro performed the ritual acknowledgement and tasting, then the Kitsune lord set the bowl down. Hoshi prepared a second bowl and passed this to Tofu and motioned for Tofu to again return the bowl. When Tofu did, she passed the bowl directly to Shiran. Shiran exchanged the prescribed ritual with Lady Hoshi, but it was obvious the Kitsune was trying very hard not to laugh.

Ryoga glanced at Ranma and Mousse, and saw knowing smiles on the young men's lips. _"O.K., what did you two do?"_ Ryoga thought to Ranma.

" _We didn't do anything – Lady Hoshi did,"_ Ranma responded in like manner. _"She's about to pull Akio's teeth. It's one of the first things Tofu taught me about Kitsunes; if someone performs a Tea Ceremony for a Kitsune, the Kitsune is obligated to be on his/her best behavior toward the host until the next sundown. Since the sun is already down, we talking about tomorrow night."_

Ryoga glanced at Lord Jakaro. _"I'm not sure that's a good game to play against a Nine-tailed,"_ Ryoga thought back. There was definitely worry coloring his thought. _"A human trying to out-fox a Kitsune Lord is asking for it."_

Ranma looked down to hide his smirk. _"Asking for it? It's begging for it! But do you see the little switcheroo Lady Hoshi is doing with the Doc?"_

 _"Yeah…."_ Ryoga answered back.

 _"She's making Tofu the honorary host. The protection now applies to *him* - not her. She's left herself wide open to Jakaro. Do you really think he's going to do anything to her if she stays submissive?"_

Ryoga paused for a moment. _"No,"_ he thought back. _"He's been pretty friendly to everyone the entire evening. If he was going to kidnap Tofu, he would have done it before now and lead us all on a merry chase – and there's jack-all we could have done about it."_

" _I don't know about that…"_ Ranma replied. _"But it's not a battle I *really* want to fight right now. After the contest with Shiran at the bar, I was pretty sure Shiran would go along with it. When Jakaro showed up, I got worried, but look at him – he's amused, not offended. He could stop things right now, and he's not going to. It's done!"_ There was a triumph note to Ranma's last thought.

 _"What about the merc's?"_ Ryoga asked.

 _"Would you cross a Nine-Tails by kidnapping a fellow Kitsune right under his nose?"_ Ranma shot back.

 _"Ah…NO!"_

 _"Damn straight!_ " Ranma laughed silently. _"I ain't crossing Jakaro either! I don't care what time 'Brother Dearest' wakes me up – I'm going be on best behavior until sundown tomorrow!"_

At that moment, Lord Jakaro looked directly at Ryoga and Ranma. Then he winked at them. Both young men turned red and scrunched down in their seats a little. "Do you think he…" Ryoga whispered.

"Yes," Ranma whispered back shortly, sounding very embarrassed.

"Good," Mousse whispered. "If I have to be on best behavior, so do you two."

"Shut. Up." Ranma and Ryoga whispered together.

Once Lady Hoshi served tea to all the full-bloodied Kitsunes, the Ladies Yasuko and Hana helped Lady Hoshi prepare the cups. When a cup was ready, Hoshi would take it and pass it to Tofu, who promptly passed it back. Lady Hoshi would then hand the cup to a waiting Hostess, who would bring it to the designated person. That person would accept the cup and perform the ritual with Lady Hoshi. The whole process was so efficient and precise, it was like a dance and everyone was entranced by the women's performance. Their kimonos shifted color as the ladies moved, making some of the kimonos' designs and figures flow. The room itself participated in the dance too as wall panels slid aside to reveal fascinating works of art here and there. Other items rose from the table itself to be appreciated, and then vanish from view again. The items varied from paintings to vases to weaponry to jewelry to clothing. Even though the Tea Ceremony took well over an hour and despite the late hour, there were no yawns, moans, complaints, or other signs of impatience. Finally, once everyone had performed the Tea Ritual with her, Lady Hoshi clapped her hands and the hostesses gathered the plates and put everything away. Then the ladies brought out a selection of sandwiches, sake, water, and cola. "Please," Hoshi addressed everyone. "Eat and relax. Feel free to stretch your legs, talk, ask questions, have a tour, or whatever pleases you."

Lord Jakaro led the way by asking about the House's history and founders. Tofu, Akio, Ciren, and Ojima immediately joined in. Mousse asked a hostess about some of the weapons on the wall, a conversation that drew in his other brothers. Shiran asked about training facilities which started a tour attended by a mixture of Kitsunes and mercenaries. Others asked about hot springs and saunas, hoping for a good soak (and maybe a massage). One of the hostesses put on music and began a fan dance which fascinated several people including Olaf and Daran. Soon everyone had broken up into small groups, all doing different things.

Eventually, Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse followed two young women, approximately in their early twenties, through a tour of the armory and then into the main kitchen to grab some more sandwiches and sodas. They had bumped into other members of the Bachelor Party here and there during their travels. Ranma noted that many people were starting to get individualized tours (and attention). "How did these guys live so long?" Ranma wondered out loud.

"Definitely not paranoid enough," Ryoga noted.

"Good sirs, what is there to fear here?" Rika, one of young women, asked.

"We've met Kunoichi before," Mousse replied. "You're both probably fairly well along in your training, if you have not completed it that is. We are well aware appearances are deceiving."

The other woman, Ayaka, smiled demurely and said: "We are only women. What could we do against warriors such as yourselves?"

The three guys looked at each other. Mousse reached out with his glass of water and dumped it over Ranma, who did not try to dodge. Ayaka's and Rika's eyes widened and their mouths popped open as Ranko appeared in her gi. Ranko crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow at them while saying: "I'm very familiar with what women are capable of."

Ryoga pointed to Ranko. "She's handed our asses to us enough times."

Suddenly a cupboard door opened and a third Kunoichi appeared, about the same age as the first two. She walked past the other five and said: "The dojo is this way."

* * *

A/N: Next chapter – The Game


	7. The Game

Chapter 7: The Game

The dojo was actually composed of several decent sized sparring rooms. Two of the rooms were already in use; one by Shiran and a companion, the other by Mausu and another companion. The group of six (the third girl was named Noa) took one of the larger rooms. As soon as Rika closed the door, Noa attacked Ranko, who dodged easily.

"It's customary to bow to your opponent," Ranko scolded.

"The only rule in this room is that everyone has to be able to heal in a few days, and it's honorable to acknowledge would-be fatal strikes," Noa said as she launched a rib-smasher at Ranko.

Again, Ranko was not there. "Provided a would-be fatal strike could actually be made," Ranko taunted with a smirk. Noa's face became grim.

Ayaka casually tossed a bo staff to Ryoga who dodged it. The staff exploded in a shower of sparks when it hit the ground (although it left no mark). Mousse made a bo staff appear and tossed it to Ryoga. "Never trust a weapon your opponent gives you," Ryoga said with aplomb. Ayaka laughed and attacked.

Rika looked at Mousse and asked: "Shall we dance?"

Mousse responded by producing four fans and tossing two to Rika. She dodged as the fans shattered. "Ah, yes. She can be taught," Mousse said with mock delight.

Rika laughed and grabbed two fans off the wall while saying: "I'll make you pay for that, China boy."

The three fights went on for about twenty minutes. Every now and then, the young women would try and gang up on each other's opponent, but this left them open to their own adversary, so they eventually had to give that tactic up. Noa became increasingly frustrated by Ranko's refusal to attack (although she would block), so every now and then, the women switched opponents. It soon became very obvious that the Kunoichi were out-classed. Ranko was a Master, and Ryoga was damn close in ability. Mousse was behind his brothers in unarmed combat, but he could match them with sword, knife, or rod, and even surpass them occasionally using more non-traditional weaponry (plates, chairs, kitchen sinks, snakes-in-cans, etc.).

Finally, Rika (who had rotated to Ryoga) looked at Ryoga and said: "Enough. I'll admit I'm impressed, but it's time to end this."

"Are you conceding defeat then?" Ryoga asked (already doubting a positive answer).

"Nope. You will and I'll dictate the terms of surrender," she answered. She put a hand to the neckline of her dress and ripped downward. She was soon clad only in very feminine negligee. She put a hand behind her neck and looked coyly at Ryoga. He became very aware she was an attractive young woman and became very conscious of her perfume. She then stretched up with her other hand removed the tie from her hair letting it flow down her back.

"Oh crap," Ryoga said out loud. "Guys, I have a problem!" he called out while breaking out in a sweat.

When he said that, Ayaka raised a hand to her dress and ripped down as well. "Endgame," she told Mousse while wearing a silk nightie.

As the sensations hit Mousse, he recognized that the young woman was deliberately projecting sex appeal as a technique – enough to put him in a great deal of trouble. "Ranma, you may be immune to this right now, but we're not. We may have to bow out." Ranma was busy dodging a combination attack from Noa and couldn't answer immediately.

"Oh no," Rika answered instead while advancing slyly on Ryoga. "Those are not the terms of surrender. I do guarantee this will not hurt, although it might take you a day to recover."

Ranko surveyed the scene quickly and came up with an appropriate response by yelling: "Anything Goes Secret Technique!"

"Right!" Ryoga yelled. He leaped over Rika and then launched himself feet first at the door. As the door shattered he yelled: "RUN AWAY!" Rika ran after the fleeing man.

Ayaka grinned coyly at Mousse. She had him trapped in a corner and was between him and the door. "One touch and you're mine," she whispered at him, the whisper causing him to shiver. His brain was starting to short out as the scantily-clad woman approached him.

Ranko dodged another attack from Noa. As the red-head rolled to her feet, she yelled at her brother: "Hey, duck-boy! MOVE!"

The familiar term of affection cut through Mousse's thoughts and he whipped out a bottle of water. "Bye!" he called out as he dumped it over himself.

"No!" Ayaka cried as she dived for the white duck, but Mousse's smaller form easily dodged her and then flew out the door. Ayaka gave a scream of rage and chased after him.

Noa launched a series of attacks that placed her between Ranko and the door. Then she ripped her break-away dress off and looked smoldering at Ranko.

Ranko smirked. "Sorry, I don't have the requisite parts right now," she gloated.

"Oh, but you do, Ranma of Nerima. I know exactly who you are," Noa breathed at her. "Your Yang side is always dominant no matter what form you wear. You see, you're always attracted to women. Now, as for me, I'm not as particular – that's why I made sure to end with you." Ranko gulped at the look from Noa. "I've been looking forward to this for a long time and I was delighted to learn you were coming here," Noa continued. "You probably will not want to mention this night to Akane Tendo though."

Ranko immediately learned that she was not immune to the Kunoichi technique as her own brain began to misfire. With a savage internal effort, she concentrated and invoked the Umisen-Ken. "Damn!" Noa yelled lunging forward. Ranko spun and made for the door, but the move was too obvious as Noa leaped in her path (Ranko was still having trouble thinking). Noa threw some powder about the room and then yelled "Ah ha!" while diving at Ranko.

Ranko leaped up and bounced off the ceiling . As soon as she landed, Noa made another grab for her, just missing. "What the hell?" Ranko wondered while rolling away. "The Umisen-Ken is having an effect. She's not able to focus the sex appeal at me, but she's still tracking me somehow!" Ranko laid on the floor while studying her opponent. Noa was not moving – instead she was looking for something on the floor. Then Ranko saw it – there were glowing foot prints on the floor! "Crap, that powder must have done something."

Ranko began walking on her hands towards the door. "No good, Ranma! I can see your handprints!" Noa called running after her. "That powder will allow me to track you for the next few hours. This game will be mine!"

"It ain't over 'til it's over," Ranko thought clearing the door and running for dear life.

* * *

Tofu, Jakaro, Ciren, and Ojima, still sat with Lady Hoshi and Lady Yasuko alone in the Tea Room. Akio had left with Lady Hana for a tour. As they spoke, there was an explosion in the distance. "Oh dear," Lady Hoshi said. "It seems like some of the children are playing."

Tofu exchanged a quick glance with Lord Jakaro. _"I know you're worried, but give away nothing,"_ Jakaro's voice sounded in his head.

"I was pretty sure some amount of playing would occur," Tofu said with only slightly raised eyebrows. "Would it be impertinent to ask would the boundaries of the Game are."

"Of course not, dear fellow," Hoshi answered. "If you leave the room, your part of the Game. No permanent damage is allowed. Everyone must be completely healed within three days."

Ciren looked around at the empty room. "I see," she commented. "And if they make it back to the room?"

"They are still part of the Game until sunrise," Lady Yasuko answered firmly.

A cover popped off a ceiling vent about seven meters overhead and hit the floor. Mausu stuck his head out of the uncovered vent. "Oh sure," he drawled. "Now you tell us the Rules."

* * *

The apprentice Kunoichi Izumi stalked through the through the halls annoyed as she carried a plate of sandwiches towards the Tea Room. "I should have been allowed in the Game," she thought. "I'm ready!"

Suddenly, one of the players – a 1st level by the name of Hina – ran around the corner and almost ploughed into Izumi. Hina grabbed the plate and then handed it back to Izumi once Izumi had regained her balance. "Sorry!" Hina exclaimed. "I'm in a hurry!" With that, Hina took off again.

Izumi huffed: "Sure – they let her play, but not me!" She started on her way again, but after travelling twenty or so meters, she saw Hina running toward her again. "Hina?" Izumi questioned in surprise.

"Did you see a tall dark-skinned man pass this way?" Hina demanded.

"W…W…What?" Izumi stuttered. Then she pulled herself together. "No, but I just saw you running by here a few seconds ago."

"What?!" Hina said loudly.

"I just saw someone who looked exactly like you run by here," Izumi clarified.

"Were they wearing the same clothing?" Hina asked insistently.

"Yes, but she had on a black headband too," Izumi answered.

Hina slumped a little. "Oh gods," she moaned. "My target's a shape-stealer."

"Say what?" Izumi said in disbelief.

"I thought I had him," Hina said exasperatedly. "I only hit him lightly with the Technique and he seemed to be a pushover. He was flirting with me, and everything. Then he did a magic trick for me. He turned his handkerchief into a fedora. He playfully put it on my head, and pulled it off. I leaned in to give him a kiss and he took off. Now he's running around in my shape."

"Oh crap…" Izumi replied in a whisper. You better put the word out." Hina just nodded despairingly.

* * *

Daran ran around the corner wearing Hina's shape. "You're cute and all, but there's no way I'm admitting to the rest of the mercs that I was seduced by a mental attack like that," he thought.

After another turn and a long corridor, he found himself in the main kitchen. There were about ten young apprentices attending to the clean-up. Before they noticed, Hina's shape reached up and removed the headband. Daran now stood there holding a white handkerchief. He made the handkerchief vanish and called out: "Good evening, pretty ladies!" They turned to face him curiously. He walked forward saying: "Is there any way I can convince you to give me a soda in exchange for showing you a small magic trick?" As he made the handkerchief reappear, the young women began to giggle… (1)

* * *

Tofu looked up at Mausu looking down at him. "Are you all right?" Tofu asked.

"Of course I am. But, I have a very ambitious young lady trying to track me. She's a little offended that I managed to throw her, and she's looking for a different type of re-match," the little thief said.

"I didn't think this would bother you," Ciren teased.

"It doesn't," Mausu admitted. "But I have my pride to think of." With that, he pulled his head back in and vanished.

"I must protest," Jakaro said. "Three of your guests are underage." His protestation left a lot to be desired in terms of righteous anger.

"By the laws of the Kunoichi, eighteen is fair game," Lady Hoshi replied. "We also don't put as high an emphasis on monogamy. If your young men do, it's up to them to enforce it. Besides which, none of them are married yet. Neither are any of the mercenaries, and you Kitsunes certainly have no lifetime emphasis on monogamy – it could be argued that the majority of us humans do not either considering the divorce rate."

"I see," Tofu said thoughtfully.

"You look heartbroken," Ciren accused him.

"I have faith," Tofu answered. "Besides, coming here was their idea. Sometimes actions have consequences."

A small black pig went skating past the table on a rug. The little animal had a hoof raised at the doctor. Despite the lack of fingers, the message was conveyed quite clearly. "Come back here!" a scantily clad Kunoichi yelled as she ran into the room. The pig hopped off the rug and ran through the grating of a rather large wall vent, flattening the grating. The people at the table could clearly hear it scramble up the vent shaft.

Suddenly, another voice came from the shaft yelling: "Gang way! Coming through." Mausu shot out the vent head first, arms out holding the little pig. They bowled over the Kunoichi running toward the vent and slid further out into the room. Yet another Kunoichi slid out the vent after the pair. The first woman got up and followed the second. Mausu scrambled to his feet and ran a little ways, then snatched up Ryoga. With a mighty throw he tossed the little pig into the ceiling vent Mausu had opened, where the pig vanished. Still running, the thief pulled out a grappling hook gun and fired it through what had been a closed ceiling vent. He felt the hook lodge, pressed a button on the gun, and he shot up into the air. Shortly, he too vanished into the ceiling. The two Kunoichi pursuers immediately turned around and dove back in the wall vent.

"That's a marvelous gun," Hoshi said. "I wonder if he'd let me look at it after the Game is done."

Another ceiling vent popped out and hit the floor. Ranko followed it. "Man, it's getting crowded up there!" she said after she landed cleanly.

"Do you want hot water?" Ojima asked.

"Naw," the red-head answered. "I move faster as a female."

"Do you know you're leaving glowing blue footprints?" Tofu asked.

"Do you know they have their own counter to the Umisen-Ken, Mr. Actions-Have-Consequences?" Ranko shot back. "I'll remind you that we came along because you asked."

"And I am extremely grateful. You three are doing a wonderful job at keeping everyone distracted," Tofu replied. "Kasumi will be thrilled too!"

"Yeah, well I hope Akane is too when this is done!" Ranko retorted. "I thought they would just practice mock-poisoning us or stabbing us with rubber knives in the back."

"But you were expecting that, Lord Ranma," Hoshi replied. "And seduction is a lot more fun."

"Does it look like I'm having fun?" the girl said as she ran off again.

"Actually, it does," Hoshi murmured. "Some of us thrive on conflict, whether we will admit it or not."

"That's why he wants to marry Akane," Ojima said. Ciren dope-slapped him.

* * *

Yul and Othan stood on the roof of the Kunoichi's main building. "This is not quite the meeting of the minds I was hoping for," the Human commented as he watched two of the female ninjas start to silently scale the wall.

"Hey, I was just as hopeful," the Kitsune replied. "Still, you have to admit, it's very educational."

"We better do this before they get too high – They aren't trying to physically hurt us. We really should return the favor," Othan commented.

Yul handed Othan two very rotten eggs. "This will kill their amorous intentions. Bomb's away…"

Othan commented slyly: "Only two eggs?"

Yul made a shoo'ing motion at him. "I heard about your darts game with young Mousse," the Kitsune said with mock sternness. His tone returned to normal as he added: "You better hurry and do it - we need to see if any of the others need help."

* * *

Artel lay on the bed with a cuddly Kunoichi lady. Both of them were thoroughly exhausted. He smiled to himself as he thought: "I don't care how much I get my chops busted – this is so totally worth it…"

* * *

Wales reached the bottom of the stairs and found the wine cellar. He also found his buddy Banner drinking merrily in front of a large keg of beer mounted on its side. Lying on the keg was a snoring Kunoichi covered with some discarded sacks. Wales cocked an eyebrow at the scene.

"She's a pretty little thing, but she can't handle her alcohol," Banner explained blandly. "Where's yours?" he asked.

"Cutting herself out of a net. She should be free in five minutes. I want to grab a drink before that happens."

Banner burp and waved at the casks. "Help yourself." He tossed the Kunoichi's discarded tankard at Wales.

Wales sniffed the tankard suspiciously. "Did you drug her?"

"Of course not, I just introduced her to Boilermakers," Banner said innocently.

Now Wales raised both eyebrows: "Did you tell her that?"

"Might have slipped my mind," Banner admitted.

Wales took another sniff of the tankard. "I can't smell anything. Did you use whiskey?" he asked.

"Poteen. It's too bad they don't have any Guinness," Banner answered.

Wales rolled his eyes. "The stuff you brew? Good lord, the poor woman won't wake up for a week," he said.

"Naw, I didn't slip her that much. She'll be fine by tomorrow afternoon," Banner replied. "By the way, I think one of the girl ninjas was at the Hostess club. I saw that red head from the club running around here in a gi."

Wales walked over to the cask and started to pour a beer for himself. "No," he answered. "She's one of us."

"Are you sure?" Banner asked.

"Yeah, Tofu said she was along to help," Wales lied. "Don't worry about her."

Banner just shrugged. "If you say so."

Wales took a deep drink and thought to himself: "You're a good man, Banner, but you were never that bright. Honestly… the lad leaves and she shows up. Then she leaves and he's back again looking a little worse for the wear. We've seen Kitsunes shape change, including Tofu. And Daran has that damn hat. How much of a rocket scientist do you have to be to figure this out? It's a waste though - his other side is cute."

* * *

After Ranko left the Tea Room, a white duck flew through the room, in one door and out another. The bird seemed to be laughing. As everyone looked at one another, another Kunoichi stormed into the room wrapped in a silk robe and adorned with bits of wire and glass crystals. "How the hell can he use a screwdriver with his wings?" she burst out.

"What's wrong, Ayaka?" Hoshi asked.

"He dropped a chandelier on me!" Ayaka exploded.

"Well, thank heavens his aim was off," Jakaro said consolingly.

"No, it was dead on!" she raged. "He trapped me right in between all the major supports. It was like I was caught in a cage and a net for twenty minutes! Where did he go?"

"Sorry, dear. I cannot show any favoritism," Hoshi responded. The girl stormed off.

As she left, another ran in (also in a silk robe) and looked at the glowing footprints. "Ah ha!" she said triumphantly and began to track them out of the room.

"Oh good!" Lady Hoshi said enthusiastically. "Noa has admired Ranma from a far for nearly a year now. I am so happy she got to meet him!"

"You do know that if she blindly follows that trail, she'll walk into a trap?" Jakaro said. "Ranma is part Kitsune by adoption. He'll be very good at dodging the hounds."

"And Noa will have learned an excellent lesson," Hoshi replied. "That is sort of the point of the Game."

* * *

Hideo resisted rubbing his eyes in frustration. "This, I do not need," he thought.

Anna, the woman who had led the party to the Tea Room, was firmly attached to his arm leading him to a greenhouse attached to the main house. She was also emitting pheromones like a Vulcan in heat. Hideo was using all his self-discipline to not show any effects, but it was taking its toll.

"It takes her very little energy to maintain the attack," he thought again. "And she's a warrior – she moves faster than I can. I'm either going to need to yell for help, or figure out a counter for this thing fast."

Anna opened a door for him and a green scent filled his nostrils. "I understand Earth Mages love the scent of growing plants," she said. "It seems to elevate their senses, does it not?"

"Yes, it does," Hideo agreed with a smile as he looked around. This was not some well organized greenhouse they walked into – this was a veritable forest! His senses did open up and he did notice Anna's scent more (as well as her other attributes), but he felt the life in the plants and the power welling up from the raw earth even more. "You just made a strategic error," he thought silently. "Looks like I just found the help I needed."

Anna smiled back, unaware of his thoughts. As she led him further into the greenhouse, she was also unaware of the rustling in the underbrush of the garden…

* * *

The Tea Room party continued to chat until a tremendous grinding and tearing sound was heard from deep in the house. Ciren's eyes became wide. "Where did Olaf get to?" she asked.

"Two young ladies said they would show him a sauna large enough to hold four of him," Jakaro said. "Why? You look worried, my dear."

She looked at Tofu. "You never told him?" she asked.

"Ummm…I don't tell other people's secrets unless there is a reason," Tofu said. "That's more of a minor administrative detail."

"How is that minor?" she shot back.

Ojima looked at Ciren and decided that he better bite the bullet. "I sort of need to ask this – are you and Olaf related? You seem awful close."

She lost the concerned look for a minute and smirked: "We haven't had a first date yet and you're already jealous?"

"A little," he admitted. "But I suppose I really do know better. Is he your brother?"

"Not quite," she said. "I suppose the easiest way to say it is that we are related because we both have 'mythological' parents, and we have had each other's backs for a long time now – like since I was fourteen."

"Well, I know he is half-human," Ojima said choosing his words carefully. There was now a thumping sound echoing in the building. "But I can't figure out the other half."

Tofu chimed in: "He's half-human in the same way that Ranma is half-woman. Olaf was exposed to the Nanniichuan shortly after he was born. All his people are – either the Nanniichuan or the Nyanniichuan. They are also big fans of Jusenkyo soap. It allows them to move about the world, more or less unnoticed." The thumping was coming closer.

Ojima looked stunned. "What's his original birth species? Although I have a nasty feeling I know…" the inspector queried.

Lady Hoshi turned white. She asked: "And what would happen to any woman that tried to mate with him?" The thumping had now resolved itself into footsteps – large loud footsteps. There was also the sound of walls breaking.

"Let's just say that he doesn't allow that to happen," Ciren said. "There's a possibility that the results would not be pretty."

One of the doorways into the room instantly became wider and taller. Olaf strode in dominating everything. He was at least six meters tall and wearing several sheets he had fastened together to somehow form a toga. Except for the lace on the sheets, he looked like an escapee from Olympus, especially with his advance musculature. "I must protest, Lady Hoshi!" the literal Giant boomed. "The two young ladies who led me to the sauna abandon me there and took off with my clothes when I resumed my true shape. I insist my clothes be returned! I thought the Kunoichi were above such pranks!"

Tofu noted the smile playing about the Giant's lips. "But Earth Giants are not above such pranks," Tofu noted.

"Hmmm…" Lady Hoshi said thoughtfully. "I don't think I really appreciated the reality of an Earth Giant. I think I may have made a miscalculation."

"Apparently so did your young ladies," Olaf laughed like thunder. "They took one look at me rising out of the bath and bolted. They ran down hallways I could not crawl through without bringing down the house. I dare say they are out of the Game for the night. But I would still like my clothes back. That suit cost me a pretty penny."

"I'll see what I can do," Hoshi told him.

"Here," Shiran said walking through another door wearing his Kitsune form. He handed Olaf his clothes.

"Where did you get those?" Olaf asked.

"I found them on the way to the lockdown room in the basement. There currently about ten young ladies hiding there," Shiran said. "They like anatomically correct dragons as much as giants."

"You cannot tell a male dragon from a female dragon," Tofu scolded. "Only they can."

"Yes, but the women don't know that," Shiran smirked. He looked over at Lady Hoshi and added: "By the way, they won't remember anything once the sun rises."

"That was kind," Lady Hoshi said. "Why?"

"Because I think psychological scarring is worse than physical scarring. Besides, I found these locked away," Shiran said. He held up three small balls of powder.

"I locked those away for a reason," Hoshi said.

"Demon paralysis powder?" Jakaro noted.

"It will only work on Akio and Ayumu – the rest of us are too strong," Shiran commented. "But they don't know that," he said nodding at Hoshi.

"High Lord Jakaro," Lady Hoshi started in a panic. "Please, do not take offense! Those are only for attackers and uninvited guests. As I said, I had the powder locked away! This is only a training exercise designed to show my ladies the limitations of certain techniques! I'm not out to start a war! My young ladies are no match for the weakest of your party. Any of the mercenaries could easily defeat my people. The ones that have been seduced allowed themselves to be seduced because they enjoyed it. Any of you could leave at any time! We cannot stop you!"

Jakaro smiled gently and said: "I'm aware." He raised his voice and shouted: "Tomo!"

"Yes, sir!" The little Kitsune called out as he materialized.

"How goes the battle?" Jakaro asked.

"No one has been caught who doesn't want to be caught, Sir. I'd yell out if that had happened," Tomo answered sharply.

"Tomo?" Shiran asked. "Do you know anything about some Scorpion Sauce? You smell a little like it."

"Later," Jakaro told him. "Tomo, go back to work."

"Yes, sir," Tomo said and vanished.

"There's a reason besides faith that Lord Tofu is not concerned about his younger brothers," Jakaro said. "He brought them in to help watch over everyone and defuse one person in particular – and they have done very well, but he has also appointed people to watch over them. And the watchers have watchers – so on and so forth. One of the best ways to keep mercenaries out of trouble is to give them a job. Same with Kitsunes."

Lady Hoshi let out a sigh of relief.

From the ceiling, Ryoga yelled out: "You're still a fink, big brother!"

"There you are!" a woman yelled out from somewhere above.

"Ah crap – gotta go!"

A round of laughter followed that from the people in the main room. Lord Jakaro finished: "We won't take offense, but I'm calling the Game in one hour. Your ladies will have to live with their disappointments. That's time enough to drive the point home." Lady Hoshi nodded her acceptance.

Jakaro lifted his face toward the ceiling and an image of him filled everyone's mind in the building. "Everyone is to be in the Tea Room in one hour! No exceptions! The Game ends then!" he mind-spoke to everyone.

Lord Jakaro turned to Shiran. "Can you speed up your spell and free the women in the lockdown room?"

"Of course, my lord," Shiran bowed.

Jakaro looked thoughtful for a second. "All right, do it and then bring them to us immediately. They'll still be jumpy even if they can't remember why, so let's get a couple of glasses of sake into them. I want to be sure they are all right before we leave." Shiran nodded.

Jakaro looked up at Olaf and said: "Come, my friend. Let's get you fixed up and not cause any relapses…"

* * *

Footnotes:

(1) Daran's hat was introduced in Chapter 9 of "The Date".

* * *

A/N: Next up - Endgame


	8. Endgame

Chapter 8: Endgame

Jakaro's image left Mausu's head. Mausu mumbled "Damn" and stopped running.

"Gotcha" a woman cried out in triumph as she threw her arms around his neck from behind. He reached up and gave the arms a squeeze.

"So, do you want another round in the dojo before I have to go?" he asked her.

"I've got another idea if you're willing – an hour should be enough time," she whispered. He nodded his head and she grabbed his hand and led him away.

* * *

Jakaro's image left Noa's head. "Damn, damn, damn! I need to find him quickly!" she thought. She followed Ranko's trail into the main ballroom and stopped cold. The blue glowing footprints continued into the room all right, but they left the room again and entered again and left again…

The whole ballroom was covered in glowing footprints: the floor, the walls, and the ceiling. Trails crossed everywhere. Every single door had at least four trails either going out or coming in. The center of the room had an elaborate seven meter square maze made of footprints. She looked up at the ceiling eight meters up – it was nearly as bad as the floor. "How the hell did he do that?" She sank to the floor in astonishment. "I am so out-classed," she thought.

Ranma appeared kneeling on one knee next to her in his male form. She asked bitterly: "Did the technique even work on you?"

"The sex appeal projection?" Ranma asked. At her nod, he continued: "Oh yeah. It hit both my Yin and Yang sides hard, but I've had women trying to vamp me for a while now. I'm not immune, but I've developed two time-honored means of dealing with it: I either run away or get defensive while trying to run away. I found that works pretty well, especially since no one can keep up with me." Noa sighed while looking around at the room.

"You're very pretty, and I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm in love with Akane," he said gently. "She's the reason I get up in the morning and I can't betray her. Without her, I'd have nothing."

"I'm willing to share…" Noa said wistfully.

"But I'm not willing to share Akane, she's not willing to share me, and we don't want to be shared. The only sharing that will going on is when we have kids and we need – or rather 'want' – to share our time with them," he answered.

She tried one last time: "You're not married yet you know…"

"Actually, in many ways I am," he replied. "Akane and I have already Bound ourselves together. Our marriage is a done deal except for one thing – we are waiting for the clock to time out so we can stand before a judge as legal adults. We want to be able to say no one pushed us into this – just us."

"Oh, all right," she said pouting. "The Game's over."

"Good. Come on then," he said standing up and holding out his hand.

"Huh? Where to?" she asked.

"Well, if you can find a real gi, I'll give you a proper martial arts lesson. Akane said I wasn't allowed to touch, but I'm pretty sure she didn't mean sparring," he answered.

"You'll actually throw a punch?" she said taking his hand and standing up.

"Provided you can find a sports bra," he smirked as he led the way out.

"Deal!" she called running past him.

* * *

Jakaro's image left Hina's head – as well as all the minds of the kitchen staff she had rounded up. "Ah, hell," she mumbled out loud. "It's over. I'm never going to sort everything out in time and he's just going to steal more and more shapes." In a clearer voice, she said out loud: "All right, return to your duties. I'm sorry I delayed you." The apprentices shrugged at each other and went back to their jobs.

Hina went up several flights of stairs to her room. Because she was one of the younger Adepts, her room was one of the furthest away. She plopped down on her bed and reviewed the Game. She also thought about how her Sisters had done – not very well overall.

After about ten minutes, there was a knock on the door. "May I come in?" Lady Hoshi asked.

Hina immediately ran to the door and pulled it open. "Of course, Mistress!" Hina answered.

Lady Hoshi entered the room and seated herself in an armchair. She motioned for Hina to sit down. Hina sat on the edge of the bed. "So, what did you think of the Game?" Lady Hoshi asked.

"May I speak freely?" Hina requested.

"Within reason," Hoshi replied.

"I think you …" Hina started and then stopped. This was the Head of the House after all. "I think the Game was rigged."

"Why would you think that?" Hoshi asked.

"The failure rate is awful high. I may be a First Level, but Fifth Level's were no more successful," Hina answered. "It seems that if any of the mercenaries resisted, they succeeded."

"And yet, many of your superiors swore that the Technique was irresistible," Hoshi commented.

"But it wasn't – and I don't know why," HIna admitted.

"I see…Would you like to know why?" Lady Hoshi asked.

Hina looked sharply at Lady Hoshi. Lady Hoshi would never give a straight answer – she always wanted her students to learn for themselves. A shiver went down Hina's spine as she yelled out: "YOU! You stole Lady Hoshi's shape?!"

Lady Hoshi's shape smiled at her and replied: "Copied – she still has her shape, just like you kept yours. She also made me promise that I'd only use it once. Now, would you like to know why?"

"YES!" Hina burst out.

"Give up the Game first," the disguised mercenary requested.

"Fine! You've already beat me!"

Lady Hoshi's shape touched an ornament on her head. Then the shape shimmered, darkened, and grew until Daran Hawk now sat in the chair. He assumed a scholarly pose. "Tell me about the men who usually fall victim to the Technique," he prompted.

Hina glared at her adversary. "They are usually just your typical men on the street. They come to a hostess club or a bordello looking for a good time."

"So every 'typical man' on the street stops in a club or bordello frequently?" Daran asked. "Do you know how often I went to one before today?" Hina's brain stopped for a second. Daran noticed her expression and continued: "Do you know how often a typical married man goes to one? Or a teenager?"

Hina sat there for a minute and then said: "Our victims are already open to us…"

Daran nodded. "Now my friends and I came here expecting to meet female ninjas – i.e. warriors just like us. We expected to be challenged – and we were. Warriors can't help finding out who is the best; it's just in our nature. There had been a lot of challenges tonight before here; this was just the latest. Most of us were ready for a fight. There were a few who decided they rather accept the benefits of 'losing', and that's their right and they'll have their own reasons to gloat. But the rest of us just can't resist a challenge – and Lady Hoshi knew this when she set up the Game."

"So, you weren't open to us," Hina concluded.

"I'm afraid so. So, the grand question is: 'Why did Lady Hoshi set everything up?'" he asked her.

Hina thought about that and sighed. "Because many of us were neglecting our other lessons in favor of the Technique." Daran just nodded.

Hina sat there for a bit, lost in thought. Finally she asked: "Are you a teacher?"

"Sometimes," Daran admitted. "I prefer the word 'scholar'. I like to work with small groups, and honestly, I'd rather do research. I'm good with weapons though – I can hold my own in a fight," he added a little pompously.

Hina chuckled a little and then looked speculatively at Daran. "What else can you hold your own in?" she asked archly.

"Oh no," he laughed. "You have two strikes against you. First, you attacked me with the Technique. Second, you're young enough to be my daughter. I forgive you for the first, but the second I can't overlook. You're very cute and I'll admit you're appealing, but I prefer my playmates to be a little older."

Hina sighed and then brightened. "Appealling?" she asked.

"Very," he answered with a smile. Then he stood up and said: "Now, I'd like to take a good look around before I have to go back to the Tea Room."

She stood up as well. "How about a trade?" she asked.

"Such as?"

"I'll give you the grand tour – but you have to tell me about how you got that hat," Hina stated.

"Deal," he replied with another smile.

* * *

Jakaro's image left Ryoga's head. "Damn! I need a proper way to end this without hurting her," he thought as he ran.

As he turned a corner, he saw his teacher, Hideo, up ahead. Next to Hideo was Anna, the woman who had met them at the gate. She looked rather resigned. Hideo beckoned Ryoga to him. "You'll find what you need in there," Hideo said while pointing to a large door.

Ryoga ran in and found himself in an extremely large greenhouse. "All right!" he grinned.

* * *

Jakaro's image left Rika's head. "Damn! I'm not losing this Game!" she thought. She rounded a turn and saw Anna standing with one of the men from the party. Anna didn't look happy. "She lost – that doesn't bode well for me," Rika thought.

The man held a door open for Rika and said: "Endgame, ma'am." Anna averted her eyes.

"It's a trap," Rika thought. "But that's the greenhouse. How can it be a trap?" She hesitated at the door.

"Ryoga is in there, I promise," the man said. "You either need to go forward, or concede. It's just him in there. He will not come out until the Game is over."

Rika looked at Anna. Anna was wearing a wreath of flowering vines about her neck. Anna just shrugged at her. "I've already lost," Rika thought. "The only question is do I go down fighting or just concede." Rika took a deep breath and started forward. The man closed the door behind her.

She walked through the greenhouse and its lush vegetation until she finally found Ryoga sitting on a bench in an alcove with his eyes closed. Plants surrounded him on all sides. She didn't rush him though. It was obvious he was waiting for her. When he opened his eyes, she dropped her robe and tried to look coy, but his expression was unnerving her. It was almost as if he wasn't home.

He just shook his head. "Sorry, you have enough plants here that I'm in my place of Power now. That won't work."

"Your body will still respond to me, even if your mind won't," Rika said.

"That won't work either," he told her. "The Game is over – it's time to give up."

She looked at him and sighed. "I believe you, Ryoga. You're too sure of yourself and I'm wise enough to know I've been dealt a losing hand. I know you won't physically harm me, but there's something off. Unfortunately, conceding gets me nothing – I need to learn. I will show you some respect though." She picked up her robe, put it on, and tied it. "Let's get this over with," she said starting forward.

Ryoga nodded and vines shot out of the underbrush and twined up her legs. She started to fall, but others shot from the trees and caught her arms. She felt more and more vines wrap around her and hold her tight. Finally, she did something unexpected: she burst out laughing. "Really!" she cried as the vines covered her eyes.

"You tried to capture me with your attributes, so I'll capture you with mine," he said smugly.

"All right, all right! At least uncover my eyes!" she said still laughing. The plants parted around her eyes. "Holy crap! Why didn't you just have the wood in the house wrap around me?"

"Too much effort to shape, and it would take too long – you would be able to step out of any shape I tried to make. If I'm standing on soil or rock like now, I could open a crack under you and have you fall in, but you might get hurt," he said. "Shaping something like this tree works better, but it still takes time. On the other hand, making vines move – and even grow – is much easier." He stretched out his hand and a vine rose from the underbrush to touch it. He then had the vine move back and forth as if he was a snake charmer. With a flourish, he sent the vine back.

"I'd clap, but my hands are busy," Rika laughed.

"Do you give up?" he asked.

"I'm bound and tied up. Yes! I concede," she said with some exasperation.

"Good." Ryoga made a gesture and the vines let go. At least most of them did anyway – there were still a few holding her robe closed.

"I did tie it!" she protested.

"Just making sure," he said innocently. With another gesture, the vines about her waist detached from the ground and wove themselves into a girdle. The girdle then burst out in bright pretty flowers.

"You jerk!" she laughed. "It's too pretty to pull off now." She walked over to him and kissed him on the forehead. "Fine, you won. Name something and I'll give it to you. I know you don't want me – I assume you want food then."

"I'd like a nice roast beef sandwich and a cola minus the poison, thank you very much!" he said. She just laughed and led him out of the garden.

* * *

Jakaro's image left Ume's and Aimi's head. The two Kunoichi women sat soaking in a large steaming floor tub. The tub was large enough to hold ten people. "As if the time limit matters to us – I can't believe I got taken out by a rotten egg to the forehead," Aimi groused.

"You have to admit, it was a damn good throw despite the darkness," Ume added. "And he did it twice."

"How could he have two rotten eggs on him? What? He carried them around, just for this occasion? What the hell?"

"My target was a Kitsune. He probably just conjured them up," Ume said with disgust.

The door to the tub room opened and two men with towels about their waists walked in. "I did. That's why it was so easy to clean up – the eggs only lasted for a brief period of time," Yul said as he closed the door behind Othan.

"Mind if we join you?" Othan asked.

Aimi shrugged. "Ah, what the hell…hop in."

Yul looked like a normal man except for the single fox tail attached to his backside. "I thought you were a five-tailed?" Ume asked.

"I am," Yul replied getting in. "But it's a little awkward to carry them around constantly. Even Lord Jakaro only displays his nine on special occasions."

"Well, at least we rank in that way," Ume sighed.

"Eh," Othan dismissed as he settled in. "So you lost the challenge. At least it wasn't a battle. I lost my own challenge earlier today to a young pup."

"Complain, complain, complain," Yul said busting his chops while also sitting down. "At least Mousse is just short of being a legal adult in Japan. I got the wool pulled over my eyes by a young Kitsune boy – about the equivalent of a twelve year old Human."

Aimi laughed a little at the exchange. "You know," she said slyly. "The Game is still going on for another hour and we have both of you naked in a hot tub…" Despite her words, she made no gestures toward them. In fact, she settled in a little more. Ume just smiled, but it was a very easy-going smile. Othan smirked and held out his hand toward Yul. Yul placed two eggs in Othan's hand with great aplomb.

"Uncle!" Aimi cried out laughing and sinking a little into the water. Othan's smirk changed to a friendly grin as the eggs popped like soap bubbles.

Ume laughed again and added: "I'm done too – I've had enough." Yul winked at her.

Othan leaned forward and extended his hand. "Thomas Othan," he said by way of introduction.

Aimi shook his hand and replied: "Aimi Nakamura."

"Ume Kawano," Ume said as she did likewise.

Yul shook both the women's hand as he said: "It would take me five minutes to give you my full name. Let's just stick with my first name - 'Yul'." His companions smiled affably.

Aimi seemed struck by a thought and said to Othan: "Wait, you're a Weapons Master too." At his nod and the raising of his eyebrows, she practically purred: "You and I have a lot to talk about…"

Yul commented: "That's good for me too. I'm a Master Mage but I'm only a Weapons Adept."

"Sounds like a good conversation," Ume agreed.

* * *

Jakaro's image left Mousse's head. His duck form hopped off the light fixture that Ayaka was trying to reach with a net and dropped to the ground. Ayaka looked at him from the top of a ladder for a long moment and dropped the net away from him. He reached among his feathers and pulled out a thermos, then poured the water on himself. It was still hot enough to trigger the change. He made the thermos vanish and sat down heavily on the floor. Ayaka came quietly down the ladder and stood behind him, silently waiting.

"You win," he said. "I want you."

"All right," the Kunoichi said. "I accept the win. Game's over. Now tell me what you really want from me, because I know it's not that simple, but I'm not concerned that it's not that simple. Game's over. Don't get me wrong: I'm happy that I won, but it's done and buried now. It's no longer important. You're still here though and you are important." She sat down next to him and said: "But we only have an hour, so don't waste it."

"Do you know I spent almost all my life in pursuit of one woman? One woman I thought was perfect?" he said. Ayaka just shook her head. "But she would never give me the time of day unless she needed something from me. Then one day, she needed something from me, and it was literally my soul."

"You hang around with mages and Kitsunes. Are you saying…?" Ayaka couldn't even complete the sentence.

"I almost ended up in Hell," Mousse finished. "She thought that it was an outside possibility, but worth the risk. She thought she could manage it. Unfortunately, it was very close. If it wasn't for my friends, including some here tonight…" He shuddered at the thought.

"Oh my god!" Ayaka gasped. "There are no words for her…"

"No, there are not…" he agreed.

"And we dragged you into our little mind game…" she said. "I'm sorry, Mousse."

He shook his head. "No, no. Gods, this was nothing. No offense, but of all the crazy things that ever happened to me, this doesn't make the top one hundred. We knew things would be off-the-wall when we came here. Besides, I dropped a chandelier on you, and you're apologizing to me?"

"You didn't miss," she shrugged.

"No, I didn't. Admittedly, I had it all planned out with several fail-safes because I didn't want you hurt." He snorted a little laugh and said: "The advantage of being a stage magician is that you learn to cover all the angles. And I can be very fast."

"I noticed," Ayaka smirked.

"Anyway, I suppose I've been somewhat depressed since my reason for living went away. My friends and new family have kept me busy, forcing me to keep one foot in front of the other and not reflect on things too much. And then I came on this Bachelor Party. God, what a ride. I had my first beer and was taught how to drink by experts," he chuckled. Ayaka did too. "I received my first real kiss on the lips from a Hostess who promptly dropped me on my head to make a point." Another small laugh from Ayaka. "Then I got a more sincere lip kiss from a waitress I managed to impress. I even got threatened by my brothers because they were afraid I didn't realize how significant that was. A girl actually impressed enough to give me her phone number."

"O.K. Now I'm jealous," Ayaka (mock) pouted.

Mousse just looked at her and said: "Even now, I'm sitting here with a gorgeous woman who has already gotten what she wants from me, and is still hanging around. And what did she want from me? Just to want her…" he shook his head. "Even now, you tell me you're jealous, and I know that you're not really, but you said that just to make me laugh and feel good."

"I'm trying to follow you Mousse, but you're losing me a little. Having a good time is not a problem," Ayaka told him. "Neither is people being nice to you."

"I am not use to it," he admitted. "I'm use to being the bottom of the barrel. And suddenly, I'm forced on a new path, and everything starts coming up roses for me. What the hell? Do I hate myself that much that I originally chose such a horrible path? Then others come along and make decisions for me and things start getting better?"

"Ah, I'm starting to get there," Ayaka told him. "Then it hits you that there's a pretty woman trying to drag you off to bed, and someone warns you that time is running out. So you start wondering what the hell is wrong with you again."

"Pretty much," Mousse admitted. "There's no Akane or Akari waiting for me at home. What's stopping me?"

"Oh, that's easy," Akaya told him. "You're hoping for something better. You want love, my friend."

"Doesn't everyone?" he asked.

"Of course they do. Even me, a trained assassin," Akaya admitted. "But often people want to dictate the love they receive, and you can't do that. You have to accept what people are willing to give, and if it's not enough, you either have to look to see if your expectations are reasonable or move on. I think you also have to see what's really on the table."

She thought for a minute and continued: "I think part of your problem with the first girl is you never saw what was really on the table. Then things collapsed and you're sort of worn out. Thing is, you're too tired to reject the love being offered right now by your friends and family, so it's flowing into you. Guess what? It's still love and it makes you happy, and when you are happy, things look up for you."

"Sounds like I should stay tired then." Mousse grumbled.

"If that's what it takes to accept the available love, then 'Yes'. Hopefully you can do better than that. I've noticed love works better with give and take. Don't shut out the people who care. Gather them and treasure them. Open your heart. I think you'll find that the more you do that, the more things will grow. One day, you will find yourself in that relationship you were originally looking for, but it might surprise you where it comes from."

"So how did a 'trained assassin' become so wise?" Mousse said with a raised eyebrow.

"All right, 'assassin' may be overstating it. How about 'professional spy.' But, hey, I'm a Kunoichi, we spend a lifetime studying this stuff," she said with a smile.

"All right, Wise One, so what do I do now?" he groused.

Akaya punched him in the stomach. The jab didn't really hurt but it caught him off guard. Then she picked him up and threw him over her shoulder while standing up. She was surprisingly strong. "Were you born in Nerima?" he asked somewhat winded.

"Nope, but I've had a lot of training," she told him. "As for you, you're going to accept what's offered. The good news is so am I. There's not a lot of time left, but I should be able to get a few backrubs into you and teach you how to kiss properly. Teaching you some touches might be a good idea too. That's probably all we will have time for, but that's all you're ready for anyway. I won't be using that sex appeal technique."

"You don't need it," he said from where he hung.

"You say the sweetest things!" Akaya laughed." You see, Mousse, I do really like you – enough that I want you comfortable with what we are doing. Keep that happy thought in mind when we hit my bedroom."

"Right. Thinking happy thoughts. Thinking happy thoughts…" he repeated as Akaya laughed again and ran for the stairs.

* * *

Jakaro's image left Akio's head. He sighed and looked at his bedmate, the Kunoichi Hana. She shrugged and said "We still have another hour. There's time for another round."

"In a second," he said. "First come here." He pulled her over and held her for a few moments.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I'm a jackass, that's what's wrong," the Kitsune said. "I was all set to sabotage the wedding of a friend because I was annoyed with him."

"Something tells me that you didn't though," Hana replied.

"No, I didn't. Do you know why?" he said. She shook her head, so he continued: "At first, because he brought along his three human brothers, and I was forbidden by my Lord to do any magic in front of them. Then I actually grew to like the humans I was traveling with – they were rough, but watched out for the young men and each other. That included me. Finally, I accidently got caught by a real Siren, and the friend I was annoyed with pulled me out of the mess. I looked at my friend, looked at myself, and wished I was more like him. That's when I realized that I was jealous of him. I was jealous of a half-human. He seemed to have his whole life together and was loved and respected – I would trade my pure blood for his half blood and limited lifetime in a second. That goes down a little hard for a so-called immortal."

Hana raised her head and looked at Akio. "I don't think being human grants you happiness," she said with a raised eyebrow.

He laughed. "No, it doesn't" he agreed. "And Tofu's had his share of hardships – more than his share. I met him because he was given a task that required my expertise – you can think of me as a University professor. He came to me full of questions. I wanted to ignore the little half-breed, but he was persistent and bright. He picked up concepts that my regular students could not get. So I helped him out. He got the job done, and made sure to thank me. I thought at the time: 'O.K. I did my bit of charity.' But I kept bumping into him and eventually started watching him. His teachers kept treating him like crap and giving him nasty impossible jobs, enough so that I felt sorry for him despite my prejudices. But he kept pushing until he succeeded. It's hard not to like someone like that."

He paused, caught in remembrance for a moment, and then went on: "In time, I started to get angry on his behalf and became vocal. Eventually, he found out. I'll never forget the day he announced I was his friend. I was so in shock, I couldn't deny it and soon I didn't want to. And then the most amazing thing began to happen…" He looked at Hana and said: "I began to rise in Kitsune society."

"I think I see why," Hana said.

Akio sighed and said: "And you're probably right. For a hundred years I had never really advanced, and suddenly I was making headway. And it wasn't due to my efforts – it was due to a human." He paused to scratch his chin. "I guess that made me a little resentful."

"Why?" she asked.

"I guess because I had always thought that I was special just because I was a Kitsune," he answered. "I thought I was above humans, and apparently I wasn't." He sighed again. "You know, I watched Shiran, who is much higher in Kitsune society than me – even if he doesn't rub my nose in it – almost get beat by an 18 year-old human boy. They tied. Do you know what my superior did when he tied?"

Hana shook her head again, and Akio answered: "He laughed and basically expressed kinship and admiration for the kit. I nearly collapsed in shock. I am such a jackass." He let his head rest against the headboard.

Hana placed her hands on his chest and rested her head on her hands, looking at him. "So if you thought you were higher than I was, why did you come with me?" she asked.

Akio snorted a little: "Because I stopped believing that and I no longer knew what to believe. So, I thought I'd try what it felt like to be a human and just act like a mortal for a while – it seemed to work for my friend. It doesn't get more personal than coupling, does it?"

She shook her head. "This is the first time you've been with a mortal?" she asked.

"Yeah, but it doesn't really make a difference I just found out. Sharing is sharing, isn't it?" Akio replied.

"Well, you're the first Kitsune I've coupled with, but I'd have to agree. It really doesn't matter in the heat of the moment – especially if you're wearing human skin," Hana commented.

"I can put on a layer of fur if you like," he said with a smile.

"Could be interesting," she grinned back. "But you're nearing a conclusion, and I'd like to hear it."

"It's not that much an earth-shattering conclusion. You'll find it in many children's books," he said.

"Still, it's important that you say it," she responded.

"Fine, over a hundred years of pride down the drain: People are people regardless of shape, size, ability, sex – or species," Akio stated.

"That's a good boy," she cooed mockingly. Akio just laughed. "So what will you do now?" she asked.

"Traveling seemed to do well for Tofu and Shiran," Akio commented. "I think it's time I got out of my little ivory tower and do some. I'm going to talk with both of them and see if they can recommend a beginner's tour. I think I'll also spend a little more time in this world – both my parents were born in this one, and they are very fond of it despite its hardships."

"I like it, and travel is very good for the soul," Hana agreed.

"Do you mind if I stop by here from time to time?" he asked. "I can be discrete about it and not cause any complications for you."

She reached up and tapped him on the forehead. "Friends are not a complication."

He reached down and pulled her further to him. "I really, really like that word – friends."

Hana shifted around until she was on top of him and gave him a very serious kiss. "Actions speak louder than words," she whispered to him.

Akio grinned at her.

* * *

Next up - Tofu passes out some advice on the bus ride home and Ranma tells Akane about the night's events. It's time for "The Reckoning". See you then!


	9. The Reckoning

Chapter 9: The Reckoning

Most of the occupants were missing on the bus ride home. Almost all of the Kitsunes had taken their leave at the Kunoichi training ground and many of the mercenaries had chosen to either accept Lady Hoshi's offer of bed and breakfast (including Mausu, Daran, and Yul) or take their leave at the training ground as well. Ciren and Ojima were talking quietly seated away from everyone else. Hideo was out cold – the big man apparently did not snore. Wales, Pauls, and the remaining mercenaries were also sleeping (but not as quietly).

Tofu and his brothers sat near the back of the bus with Olaf. "Thank you three for coming along," he said quietly. "That went extremely well."

"Akio never really got a chance to act up," Ranma shrugged. "He never got any traction to do anything."

"That's not quite true," Olaf disagreed. "He was the reason the maitre d' conveniently lost my reservation, and that the Hostess were not told about our party. He also planned to get you three drunk and out of the way, but Pauls, Othan, and Banner already figured that out and took steps to block him. Daran and Hideo warned you about the strip club, so he couldn't pull anything there. Overall, you three confused him long enough for him to realize what he was really doing and he stopped himself. Then he decided to grow up."

"How are you and Akio friends?" Ryoga asked Tofu.

"It's a long story, Ryoga. Let's just say that several of us saw signs of who the real Akio was and worked to bring it out. It finally happened," the Doc answered. Then he laughed: "Ayumu nearly passed out when he saw that his snobbish brother had formed a friendship with a Kunoichi Master."

"Ayumu didn't look that unhappy though," Olaf said.

"No, he wasn't," Tofu agreed. "Ayumu has always adored his elder brother, but he knew Akio was flawed. Ayumu was often the one who softened many of Akio antics in the past. I think things will be even better now. Also, Akio's prejudices held him back in Kitsune society – I think that's about to change as well."

"All's well that ends well," Olaf concluded. "It's a good ending for a story."

Tofu nodded and said: "Speaking of which..." He handed two alcohol wipes to Ranma and Ryoga. "Get the lipstick off your foreheads. When you tell the story, it will go down better without evidence."

"What makes you think I'm going to tell Akane about any of this?" Ranma asked.

Tofu gave him a very direct look: "You'll last five minutes under questioning – tops. Save yourself the trouble and don't stall or be evasive – I already know you can't lie to her. I plan to tell Kasumi what happened and the sisters share all info. Just don't go there." Ranma sighed. Tofu looked at Ryoga. "Same goes for you." Another sigh occurred.

Mousse just grinned. "One of the few advantages of being unattached," he said smugly.

Tofu raised an eyebrow at him. "And what makes you think you're immune in all of this?" he asked. The Doc nodded at Ranma and Ryoga. "They'll just have to cop to the truth and receive a few half-hearted dope-slaps. You're a dead man."

"Huh?"

"You vanished into a Kunoichi's bedroom for an hour," Tofu noted.

"But nothing really happened!" Mousse protested. "Well, not *that* anyway," he corrected.

"Yeah, but you impressed her," Ranma grinned. "And everyone is going to know about."

"Oh come on, guys! Show a little mercy! There's no reason for Akane or the others to know about this," Mousse pleaded.

"Oh, we are not going to say a word," Ryoga said. "None of us have to."

"What?" Mousse said with confusion.

"You told Akaya about getting that waitress's phone number, didn't you?" Tofu asked.

Mousse stopped for a second. "Well, yeah. But I wasn't bragging about it at the time…" he answered slowly.

"Like I said, you impressed Akaya as well, and she gave you her phone number too," Ranma said with a grin.

Mousse looked even more confused until Ryoga said: "She wrote it backwards on your forehead with permanent marker. Ranma checked the number. It's the main phone number to the training ground."

"OH CRAP!" Mousse bolted to the bathroom at the back of the bus. Olaf and the three remaining brothers were rolling in their seats with laughter.

"You four are bastards!" Ciren called to them. You should have told him about that earlier!"

"I noticed you didn't tell him either!" Ranma shouted back.

"All right, so it was a little too perfect to spoil," Ciren laughed.

"Someone is wearing a bandana for a couple of weeks," Tofu laughed. "At least she didn't use a tattoo."

"I love the little hearts she drew too," Ryoga said holding his stomach with laughter. "You did copy the number for him, didn't you Ranma? That may not occur to him as he's trying to scrub it off." Ranma just smirked and nodded.

"How long do you think it will take Nabiki to figure out what it is?" Olaf chortled.

"Fifteen minutes worst case," Tofu said between laughs. "Then she'll make an announcement and the girls will be lining up at the clinic and the restaurant. Sayuri will be first in line dressed to the 'nines' and showing as much cleavage as possible."

"Yeah, well, hopefully he'll remember to have a little fun with all this," Ranma said wiping tears from his eyes. "He deserves a little break."

Tofu settled down and said with a half-smile: "We need to remind him, guys. Don't forget." They all nodded still laughing quietly.

* * *

Tofu, Ranma, and Mousse were the last stop – they had already dropped Ryoga at the dojo proper and a sleepy Akari took possession. Mousse had regained his composure enough to see the humor in his situation and was in a good mood. Dawn was just starting to break as they walked up the path to the clinic. They found Tomo sitting on the doorstep. "Can I have Sanctuary, please?" he pleaded.

"I don't know," Mousse said smiling. "You never clued us in about being a double-agent."

"But I was a double-agent with the good guys on both sides," Tomo defended.

"And I still owe you for the Scorpion sauce," Ranma said. Somehow, the young man just didn't look that upset.

"Yeah, but Shiran is hunting for me. He's determined to make me eat as much hot sauce as he did. I don't have an iron stomach like you, Ranma! I'm too young to die!" Tomo whined.

Tofu raised his eyebrows at Ranma and Mousse who grinned and nodded. "All right, but best behavior! Understand?" the Doc said.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Tomo said gratefully.

Tofu unlocked the door and the four went into the residence attached to the clinic. First thing they saw was Akane asleep on the couch in the living room. She was still wearing the blouse and long skirt she had worn to the Tea. "Oh dear," Tofu said. "I think the Ladies Party got out of control. It looks like young Miss Tendo took refuge here. I think I'll hop in the shower and head up there."

"I'm hitting the sack," Mousse yawned. "I can squeeze in a few hours before I have to go to the restaurant."

"Tomo, you can grab my bed," Ranma said. "I think I'll be busy here."

"Thanks, Ranma," the little Kitsune said, heading up the stairs with the other two.

Ranma used the restroom, washed and checked his face, and brushed his teeth. Then he went to sit on the edge of the couch and watch his fiancée. "Sorry, ladies," he thought. "No contest." He bent down slowly and gave her a gentle kiss.

Akane woke up and responded to the kiss – she had become accustom to Ranma kissing her when she was asleep and stopped slugging him after the first few attempts (fortunately, Ranma is a little bit of a masochist). Then she pulled him closer and sniffed his shirt. "Hmmm…I smell smoke, a little beer, a bit of sweat, but can't really smell any perfume," she said. "The dust has me a little confused though."

Ranma laughed. "Really?" he said.

She held his head in her hands and brought it up to the light. "I don't see any lipstick either on the lips – just my gloss – or on the cheeks." She added.

"The kisses were to the forehead and I washed them off," he said with exasperation. "I was a good little boy and received two motherly kisses – that's it!"

Akane studied his forehead. "That seems about right," she grudgingly agreed. Then she gave him his favorite smile and said in a cute little girl voice: "So are you going to tell me a story?" Her voice returned to normal and she said: "Or can we cut to the chase and just start with the truth?" Her face still held his favorite smile though. He mimed choking her and then laughed. She sat up while keeping her feet on the couch and was still smiling.

Ranma sat a little more firmly on the couch and started the tale. He described all the men and Kitsunes. He had her in stitches describing Ranko's antics at the Hostess Club (although Akane resolved silently to check Ranma for damage later – sometimes he missed things). She listened attentively to the rules for drinking and what Ranma thought of his first drink.

"How many beers did you drink over the course of the night?" she asked curiously.

"About two and a half spread appropriately," he admitted, surprised by her even tone. "I ordered a few more that I never touched. I never had enough to even get buzzed. Although I *really* wanted to at the strip club though."

"You actually went to one?" she asked looking surprised.

"Hold on. We will get there. You'll see I behaved. I promise," he reassured her.

He described the duel with Shiran in loving detail. "I have got to find some Scorpion peppers," Akane exclaimed.

"Ask Tomo," Ranma drawled. "He was the one that soaked the peppers in Scorpion sauce. I think even you would have cried 'Uncle'. As it is, Shiran has promised to make Tomo drink a bottle of sauce and the little jackass is hiding here in mortal terror. Shiran does want to try your volcano curry though, he will probably enjoy it from what I saw."

"Still, I'll make sure he signs a waiver," Akane laughed.

Ranma moved on to the strip club then, starting with Daran's description and his warning to sit in the back as far from the stage as possible. "Are you serious?" she asked incredulously.

"Mousse, Ryoga, and I were sinking in our seats during the first routine, and it didn't get any better. To make it worse, our waitress – who was dressed fairly decently by the way – pegged us as underage and teased us constantly. Actually that turned out to be a godsend – when she was teasing us we weren't paying attention to the stage. Eventually, I ended up meditating in my happy place. It was way too much, but at least it was up on the stage. Then Hideo came by and warned us what was next – the lap dances."

Akane's eyes went flat. "Ranma," Akane growled. "Is that what it sounds like?"

"I. Did. Not. Get. One." Ranma said enunciating clearly. "I was not even close to one. Had any of those jokers bought me a lap dance, I would have fled."

Akane stared into Ranma's eyes for a moment. Then her eyes softened and a small smile shaped her lips. She said softly (almost apologetically): "All right, I believe you. So, if you didn't flee, how did you escape?"

"Damn, we have come a long way – haven't we?" he thought to himself as his own smile escaped. "Hideo found us a decoy," he started out loud and then told how Takara had covered for them.

Akane's face became incredulous again. "So the waitress who had been teasing you, saved your butts?"

"As humiliating as that sounds, 'Yes'," Ranma agreed.

"And then she hit on Mousse? And this is after the hostess at the first place kissed him?" Akane asked with her eyes growing wider.

"All true," Ranma replied.

"Man, dear brother Mousse had a good day despite getting dropped on his head," Akane said.

Ranma smirked. "Oh, it gets better. But we're not done with the strip club yet." He went on to tell her about the last act and the aftermath.

Akane's mouth popped open. "You have got to be lying to me, Ranma Ono! Ciren and Ojima?" she said with a strangled voice.

He smirked at her again. "If I'm lying, it's a damn stupid lie. They have a date tonight. Ciren's taking him to the Complex," he said while trying not to burst into laughter at her expression. "And I notice that you didn't flinch at her being a Siren – it's the inspector that's put a knot in your Nuido!" he laughed.

"Damn straight!" she said.

"We still haven't even covered the weirdest parts yet," he added.

"Things blew up at the Kunoichi place, didn't they?" she asked

"Oh yeah," he said. He took a deep breath and launched into the grand finale. When he was done, Akane sat there completely flabbergasted.

"That really happened?" she asked in a small voice.

He held her hands tight and said seriously: "Akane, I swear: the only time I touched a female this evening was for a Martial Arts lesson, and she only gave me a kiss on the forehead in thanks."

Akane gave Ranma a double-take and then sprang forward fast to hold him tight. "Idiot!" she exclaimed. "I know I sometimes give you a hard time, but I do really trust you and I really do love you. It's just everything else seems so out there: the Game, Jakaro, Olaf, Akio, Tomo, Mousse…Oh My! Mousse had some freaking night!"

Ranma laughed and held her tight in return. "Didn't he though? It's about time the dice came up in his favor."

"Was he able to make a dent in the ink?" she asked settling back a little.

"Not using the soap and paper towels on the bus. Big brother figures it will take a week or two for it to wear off. She got him good," Ranma chuckled. "I don't think he's really that upset about it though."

"Hmph. Just like a guy," she said in mock indignation. "A girl shows him a little skin and his head gets all turned around."

"Oh really?" he said with one eyebrow raised.

"You certainly wouldn't find a girl swayed by something like that Kunoichi technique," she said, again using false tones.

"Well, you'd better hope that's true," Ranma smirked.

"What?" she said, her mouth hanging open a little.

"Noa may be a fan, but she's not a stalker. My name is not the only one on her wish list – there are several," he said, the smirk growing a little more. Akane ducked her head a little and the mouth opened a little wider, but she made no other sound, so Ranma continued: "When it comes right down to it, she's into athletes, and she likes *girls* and guys."

"Oh no," Akane said. "No, no, no, no, no, no. You take that back," she said in a soft incredulous voice.

"That would be lying, Akane. And I can't lie to you," the smirk looked like it was going to split his face in half. "We both know that." He bopped her on the nose with his finger. "Your name is right next to mine on her list."

"You're a liar, Ranma Ono," she whispered with the corners of her mouth turning up in a smile.

Ranma knew exactly where he stood. The smirk faded into his own smile as he said: "You better work out what techniques you're going to teach Noa to protect your virtue." His eyebrows rose suggestively as he said it.

Akane grabbed a pillow off the couch and hit Ranma in the head with it. "Liar!" she half-shouted while continuing to hit him with the pillow. Ranma didn't bother with a pillow. He immediately began to tickle Akane. His fiancée giggled and shrieked as she continued to hit him. Eventually, he managed to pull her flat on the couch and lay on top of her. He took the pillow away from her and gave her a deep kiss. She responded in kind.

Things were going very well until his hand went under her shirt and found the bruises. Although she never reacted, he knew immediately they were there through his finger tips. Ranma quickly rolled onto his side, and carefully lifted her shirt. "Akane," he said his voice full of concern. "What happened?"

* * *

"Oh damn, I forgot all about them. I should have healed them, but they really don't bother me, so I forgot," she said a little flustered.

Ranma immediately saw what she meant. These were not serious bruises at all – if he was not so tied into her, he never would have picked up on these. As he watched, they faded as Akane concentrated and healed them. "I'm sorry, Ranma. Honestly, they are nothing. I got them from Nabiki and Shizuka," she told him.

"Nabiki?" he quizzed.

"You elbow someone thirty or forty times it will eventually leave a mark," she admitted sheepishly.

"Was it that bad?" he asked.

Akane rolled her eyes and sat up a little. Ranma arranged himself so she could be comfortable. "Worse," she said. The she laughed and added: "And somehow it made a right turn and went for out-and-out insane. Are you sure you want to know?"

"Probably," he replied. "I'm curious why you ended up on the couch here."

"I warn you," she said with a laughing smile. "It will be a bit like me finding out I'm on Noa's list."

"You lived, I'll live. Is everyone O.K.?" he asked wanting the bad news out of the way first.

"Yes, it's nothing like that," she answered. "Everyone's fine physically – and emotionally. Mentally, I'm not so sure."

"Go for it anyway," he prompted.

She started: "Well, the formal Tea Ceremony was as boring as I feared. Four hours…"

"Four hours!" he interjected.

Akane nodded and continued: "Four hours of complete and total ritual. I never knew it was possible to drag it out that long."

"When did you have dinner?" he asked.

"There was a Kaiseki meal included in the Tea Ceremony," she replied. "That and the fact there were twelve of us helped drag it out."

"Who was there?" Ranma asked.

"Kasumi, your Mom, Mother Ono, Nabiki, me, Akari, Shizuka, Ms. Hinako with her fishbowl, Chie, and three of Kasumi's friends from high school – Tamiko, Yua, and Eiko, plus the servers," she told him. She then proceeded to run through the ordeal for the next ten minutes. Ranma was amused by the number of times she rolled her eyes. Akane had Nabiki on one side and Shizuka on another. Akari could excuse herself here and there, but for Akane, there was no hope of escape. Her two captors on either side made sure she stayed awake. "I think they felt like if they had to suffer, so did I," Akane concluded.

She looked that Ranma for a few moments, then grabbed his shoulders and shook him mockingly while yelling: "This was your Mother's idea!" She released him and collapsed back on the couch.

Ranma smirked at her: "Your sister loved the idea though." Akane just groaned. "All right, it was boring as hell, but I don't see how it was insane."

"You weren't there," she said darkly. "You had to be nuts to sit through all of it. But the really insane part happened after we got back to the house. Mother Ono had made a lovely lemon cake and everyone came back to the house for coffee – we were done with tea, even Kasumi. About twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang so I answered it. There was a policeman at the door, but his badge didn't say Nerima."

Ranma grinned. "Dunn, da, dun, dun, dunnnnn," he sang the ominous notes.

* * *

A/N: Next up - The last chapter: "Akane's Tale". There will also be two epilogues (one long, one short), so watch for those.


	10. Akane's Tale

A/N: Fair warning - the jokes and innuendos get a little thick in this chapter. If they annoy you or leave you confused, feel free to jump down to the first section break. Also, I have Akane telling a story to Ranma; hopefully the verb tenses make sense - or at least flow well. Feel free to send suggestions via reviews or PM's. I'd also like to know if the chapter (or the story) merits the "M" rating I given it or if I'm just being too sensitive/paranoid - I think I got it right though.

Chapter 10: Akane's Tale

"Oh yeah, our stripper was here," she said with a roll of her eyes. "He requests to be brought to Kasumi and while I'm debating this, Chie pushes me aside and takes him to the living room where Kasumi is. He promptly announces that he must arrest Kasumi for 'indecent exposure', causing my naïve big sister's eyes to become very wide. She stammers that there must be some mistake and her face turns beet red. Then he handcuffs her to a chair and says that she causes men to think indecent thoughts any time they see her. As Kasumi looks even more confused and flustered, he asks for music. Nabiki turns on the stereo and he proceeds to do a striptease all the way down to his G-string. He danced and strutted around Kasumi until that blush went all the way down to her toes. If it was me, I would have castrated him, except he looked like he might have enjoyed it. Meanwhile everyone is whistling and cheering – I think they were getting revenge for the Tea Ceremony. Your mother kept telling him to 'take it off'."

"Mom?" Ranma laughed incredulously.

"Your mother was one of the worst ones there, Sunshine," Akane said throwing him a dirty look. "After a few minutes of this, there was another knock at the door. I went to open the door – glad for the excuse – and two big men came in claiming that the stripper had been sent to the wrong house. I sighed in relief and led them to the first guy. Then they began yelling at the stripper who yelled back and a fight broke out between one of the men and the stripper. I was going to throw all of them out except Shizuka grabbed my arm and ordered me to stay out of it – I forget how strong she is sometimes. I caught on when the third man began to move furniture out of the way and then positioned Kasumi's chair were she could see the action. We had a professional wrestling match in our family room! And of course, the nearly nude was tearing the clothes off of the other guy."

"Of course…" Ranma smirked.

"Right down to the overly tight boxer shorts with the hearts on them and a big heart placed strategically," she added.

Ranma laughed at the annoyed look on her face. "So you had two strippers and their keeper?" he asked.

"Two? NO! The door bell rang again!" she half-yelled.

"No way…" he laughed.

"This time, it was a cab driver looking for the other three. However, I can be taught. I brought him in to the living room, and then went upstairs to get my baseball bat which I left by the front door," she said smartly.

"Umm…Akane? Sweetheart? One thing I learned last night, is that these folks are just performers. They are not trying to make you unhappy – they really want the opposite," Ranma said, worried that the inspector might be showing up sooner than expected.

She laughed at his worry though. "Relax, Ranma. I know why they were there. It's not their fault. When the next few strippers arrived, I did warn them that I was a 'nervous virgin' with a Black Belt in extreme Martial Arts and it would be better if they not include me in the performance. One of them laughed and said he believed me, but he had a better reason to leave me alone besides avoiding a hospital visit – he wouldn't get paid if I was unhappy. I toned it down after that."

Ranma gave a sigh of relief, but then his eyebrows rose in disbelief. "After that?" he queried. "How many strippers showed up at the house?"

"EIGHT, NOT INCLUDING THE MANAGER!" she said loudly. "Nabiki hired one, Shizuka hired one, Kasumi's friends hired one, Chie hired one, Ms. Hinako hired one, Mother Ono hired one, and *your mother* hired the first two! Akari looked at me and commented that she and I should have gone 'halvsies' on one – it seemed to be the thing to do!"

"You have to be joking!" he half-pleaded.

"Oh no! And I have photographic evidence!" she said loudly. "Everyone in the room, including the strippers and their manager, insisted that the manager take a picture of me holding the baseball bat with the eight men cowering at my feet, hiding their faces. It was the only picture the manager allowed! That picture was your mother's suggestion by the way."

Ranma stared at Akane: "My mom?" he asked hesitatingly.

"Your mother was the main instigator the whole night!" she said while pointing a finger at him. "You should have seen the cake she ordered! A one meter long phallic symbol! When I pointed out that we couldn't possibly eat that much, she just said that it was very creamy and we should be able to tuck it away."

Ranma's eyes widened. "Please tell me those were not her exact words," he begged in a strained voice.

Akane replied by holding up a finger and saying: "Then she added that we couldn't just leave it here, so we'd just have to choke it down somehow." Ranma clamped his mouth shut with his hand while Akane exclaimed: "Oh my god! – Mother Ono and Shizuka were on the floor laughing, Nabiki spewed her beer across the room, and Ms. Hinako turned a bright red. Even the men were caught off guard. For a traditional woman, your mother has an interesting mind!" A single chuckle burst from Ranma at the assessment of his mom – and Akane's flustered expression. Akane went on though and said with another roll of her eyes: "Then there was the banana."

"What about the banana?" Ranma asked warily as his took he hand away from his mouth.

Akane answered: "After five of the strippers had done their routines and changed into leather pants with suspenders and bow ties – no shirts – we gave Kasumi gifts; mostly gag gifts, sex toys, and lingerie. Your mom had her own gift though – she gave Kasumi a meter plus long inflatable banana. Since my darling sister figures she's behind on one-upmanship points with your mother and wants to get even, Kasumi puts on her most empty-headed expression and asks what the banana is for. Your mom explains it's for when Tofu is out of town."

"Oh man, I can see where this is going," he said somewhere between a laugh and a groan.

"I don't think you're taking it far enough – we'll see," Akane warned. "Kasumi makes her face look even more blank, so Nodoka puts on an equally empty-headed expression and says that she obviously needs to explain the facts of life to Kasumi. We are all waiting to see who breaks down first. I'm expecting your mom will launch into a saccharine 'Bird & Bees' mock-lecture, but that's too simple. Nodoka runs into the kitchen and brings out a prepared tray of peaches and bananas, obviously anticipating Kasumi's question – doesn't look good for Kasumi. The peaches are halved, de-pitted, and have the stem removed so they have a nice indent in the center. The bananas have been peeled and cut in half, so we have two working ends, so to speak, from one banana. Nodoka calls up five women – Nabiki, Chie, and Kasumi's three school friends – and the five strippers who've already done their routines. Nodoka hands the banana halves to the women and the peach halves to the men. I see Kasumi twitch. Nodoka says she knows something's wrong and tries to figure it out. She asks Nabiki. Nabiki responds that she usually likes a bigger banana. The strippers do a bit more than twitch and try to hide their smirks. Nodoka acknowledges that a bigger banana is preferable, but that's not it. She eventually has the men and women switch fruits."

Ranma sucked in his cheeks to maintain control and Akane continued: "One of the strippers decides to play and breaks his banana half into two and eats one piece when your mom isn't looking. He complains that his banana is broken and he'd like a new one. She asks him if he's eaten the piece. He lies. She asks if he's sure he doesn't swing that way. He says that he prefers to eat peaches. Your mother pats his cheek, calls him a good boy, and says they will talk later. Nabiki is now on the ground holding her stomach with laughter. So is one of Kasumi's friends and two of the strippers. I have my head buried in my hands. Ranma, you know I'm a prude, but I'm losing it badly. Kasumi is holding on to the empty-headed expression – and the chair – for dear life. It really doesn't look good for her."

"Or me either," Ranma said while trying not to break into laughter.

Akane took in a deep breath and started again: "Your mom goes into the kitchen and comes back with a cutting board, a banana, and a meat cleaver. She puts the board on the table, puts the banana on the board without peeling it and gives a mighty swing. Thwack! Every guy in the room flinches. But she misses the mark and she's cut off only a quarter of the banana. She gives the quarter to the stripper, but he says he'd like a bigger piece. Nodoka responds wouldn't we all, but lets him have the bigger piece – sort of a repeat, but worth a few chuckles. I figure we are going to move on now, but your mother's not done. She notices that she left the peel on the piece. In a vacuous voice, she tells him he is uncircumcised. She hefts the meat cleaver and asks him if he'd like her to fix him. He says he's fine. She comments that an uncircumcised banana is harder to take care of – is he sure she doesn't want her to fix him? He says he'll take care of it. She says that he'd better care for it unlike the last piece, or she will fix him – she says this with a very direct look at him as she is holding the cleaver. The manager is now down for the count with laughter. So am I. Kasumi has officially lost it as well and has tears streaming out her eyes. Nodoka: 10, Kasumi: 0."

Akane looked at Ranma and saw that he also had tears in his eyes. She suppressed a grin and forced a prim look on her face. Then she added: "Nodoka figures it's time to get on with the lesson, so she tells the men to insert the banana into the depression in the peach and she shakes the cleaver at the men warning them that any unapproved interpretations will be dealt with promptly. Nabiki reacts by swapping the peach with her partner's banana and they promptly eat the fruit. The other four pairs follow suit. Nodoka puts on a school teacher's voice and comments that they are obviously advanced students, but she points at Kasumi sitting on the floor and says that they are not helping the poor child who obviously can't even sit in a chair properly. Nodoka: 15, Kasumi: 0."

Ranma is clearly behind on points at this moment too – he'd clamped down on the laughter, but the resulting tight grin is definitely showing.

Akane finishes by saying: "Nodoka gets down on the floor and hands Kasumi the last banana/peach set. Then she helps Kasumi insert the banana into the peach as if Kasumi is a pre-schooler. Considering Kasumi is nearly helpless with laughter, this is not a far reach. Kasumi does make one last valiant effort try to score consolation points as she brings the joined fruit to her mouth and sucks in the banana half, practically swallowing it whole. Then she inhales the peach. Is your mother satisfied to sit there surprised like a normal person? Not in a million years! Instead, she says: _'Good lord. Now I know why he's so keen to marry you if you are that limber._ ' Everyone is down for the count. Total and complete destruction. Nodoka: 20, Kasumi: 0."

Ranma was shaking now as he tried to be quiet. He was trying to be considerate. He knew Mousse and Tomo were upstairs sleeping. But it was obvious Akane was now trying to see how far she could push him. Akane leans forward and shakes him by the shoulder while saying mock-primly: "Oh! Oh! And she decided I needed a few shots too. At one point, the men lined up and did a 'Full Monty' strip dance. I spun around so not to look. So did Akari and Kasumi's friend Tamiko. Your mother grins at me and puts on that empty-headed expression again. I know I'm in trouble now. She advises me that I may not want to pass up this opportunity for comparison shopping – after all you are a shape-shifter and things are very fluid. It may be good for me to have goals for you. My mouth drops open."

Ranma placed his hands over his own mouth again at this point to keep it shut.

Akane went on: "I think she decided to have mercy on me because she leans over and whispers something to Akari. Akari told me later that it had something to do with how wide open my mouth was, but Akari refused to say anything more – she told me just to be glad that Nodoka did not announce the comment to the room."

"Oh god," Ranma mumbled into his hands.

Akane continued: "Anyway, Akari bursts out in laughter, turns bright red, and flees the room. I hear her laughing in the kitchen. Nodoka has just run off one of the most earthy people I know. I think Tamiko heard the comment because as soon as Nodoka looks at her, Tamiko announces that she needs more soda and walks very quickly to the kitchen. Your mother looks back at me and I can see it clearly in her eyes – that sparkle of mischief that's warning me: 'I love you, but run – now!' At this point, I do something very foolish: I decide that I will not back down from my mother-in-law." Akane puts a hand to her forehead dramatically and adds: "What the *hell* was I thinking?"

Akane took a deep breath and said: "Nodoka makes a show of looking up and down the line of men with that vacant expression. Then she remarks that she was glad her marriage was annulled because apparently she had been jipped! Even though I'm turned the other way, I start blushing furiously. However, the rest of the women start chuckling at something and Nabiki chimes in that I'm not quite as red as the strippers."

"Say what?" Ranma asked confused, his hands still in front of his mouth.

Akane went on: "Ranma, these guys were in their late twenties/early thirties and, somehow, your mother's comment and expression had apparently turned them all red – bright red! They were professional strippers and she made them feel self-conscious! Oh. my. god. Nodoka looks at me again and I see 'the final warning', but, like an idiot, I refuse to budge. So, she announces airily: ' _Oh, that's nothing – watch..._ '"

"She turns her back to the strippers for a minute and adjusts her clothing. Then she shifts the kimono she's wearing off her shoulders and turns around again. She has one hand on her chest gathering the cloth of her kimono. As a result she is now showing a respectable bit of cleavage and bare shoulders. She also has this doe-eyed come-hither look in her eyes as she scans the men again." Akane stopped for a moment and shook her head in wonderment. "Ranma," Akane started again. "I know your mother is very pretty, but I never knew she could have been a model or an actress." Akane paused dramatically and said: "She triggered a certain male reaction with that look that stunned everyone looking at the men and embarrassed the men further. The men snapped out of it and immediately began scrambling for their clothes as the women are whistling and cheering. I'm in total shock; I can't even move. Nodoka mistakes that as a sign that I'm still in the game so she grabs me by one shoulder, nods at the men, and says: _'Oh my god, Akane! I really hope Ranma takes after my side of the family for your sake!'_ "

* * *

That was too much for Ranma – Akane had won. He rolled off the couch and on the floor and began roaring with laughter. After everything he'd been through in the last twenty-four hours, this revelation about his mom just pushed him over the edge. After he wound down, he looked at Akane partially sitting up on the couch watching him with a half-flustered/half-amused look and thought that she was the most gorgeous thing on the planet. He got up and kissed her soundly. "So what did you tell them?" he asked.

"What?"

"You didn't flee and Nabiki knows you've seen me naked," Ranma told her. "Your sister wouldn't let you dodge the comment. So, what did you tell them?" She whispered something that he didn't quite hear. "I'm sorry, I couldn't quite catch that?"

Akane blushed and said: "I said you were on par with these guys."

"So you did look," he teased.

"Just a quick look! I was a little dazed by your mom at the time! And you looked too!" she defended.

"That just proves we're human," he grinned. "I'll forgive you if you forgive me," he prompted.

"Deal," she replied. They kissed again.

"So what happened after that?" Ranma asked.

"Nodoka behaved herself – mostly – for a while, even though others took up the bride-teasing. I think she felt a little concerned and concentrated on me for a bit. She gave me a drink of coffee, a lot of honey, and some type of mellow wine all mixed together. I had my first drink and didn't even appreciate it. It didn't take me that long to regain my composure, but even after she was sure I wasn't scarred for life, she stayed with me for a while."

"So how did you end up here?" he asked.

"I wore out, and I missed you," she said. "I excused myself and left. Akari had already retired to the dojo to sleep. When I left, the men had also gone and so had some of the guests, but the rest were still laughing and chatting, including your mom. I was overloaded though. I needed out, and I had a key. I figured you'd wake me when you got in."

"Good guess. Did you get much sleep?"

"I dropped off about 3AM, so a few hours," she answered.

"How about we catch a couple of hours more and then go find folks?" he suggested.

Akane started to speak, but Nabiki came in from the kitchen and cut her off: "First have a little breakfast. Kasumi sent down some breakfast sandwiches."

"Oh, hello Nabiki," Akane said.

"It's set up on the kitchen table for you. I need to borrow the computer for a second. I can't use mine without waking Nodoka," the middle sister said.

"All right. Thanks," Ranma answered.

The two went in and sat down. Ranma was half way through his fourth when alarm bells started to go off in his head (he was tired after all – it had been a busy night). "Akane, I never heard Nabiki come in. Did she come down with you last night?"

Akane stopped eating as a nameless dread entered her soul. "She brought these sandwiches, which meant that she was at the house," Akane answered.

"But she entered the clinic without letting us know she was here first," he added.

"Which means that she poked around first," Akane finished.

"Mousse," they both said together.

"Oh man, she's on the computer!" Ranma exclaimed.

"Nabiki!" they yelled and ran into the main room again.

Nabiki looked like she was glowing and had a maniacal smile across her face. "Oh, this is too rare," she said. "He had one girl's number in his coat pocket, and another written on his forehead with little hearts around it. The number on his forehead links to a front company for a Kunoichi stronghold. Duck-boy scored big! Do you know how much money this story is worth? Do you know how many women are waiting for him to forget about that bitch?"

"Nabiki! Give him a little time!" Ranma pled.

"No, Ranma," she said gleefully. "He's wasted enough time with that whore. He obviously went through a very intense time last night. It shook him and woke him up, and I'm going to make sure he doesn't backslide. He's your brother. He's Tofu's brother. He eats at our table. He's family! I want him hale and whole. I'm going to show him what jackasses his former people are!" With that, she vanished. (1)

"Nabiki! Stop!" Akane cried. She fired off a Nova Blast to try and locate Nabiki, but Nabiki threw a flare down blinding them both (although Ranma had already been blinded by the Nova Blast). When their sight cleared, there was no trace of the sharp-eyed girl. (2)

"What the hell got into her?" Ranma asked.

"That was frightening," Akane agreed. "I've never seen her like that before except…"

"Except after Kasumi was kidnapped," Ranma finished. "She's changed over the last year. Money still means a lot, but family means more. She's added me, Tofu, Mom, Kin, and now Mousse."

"Oh my…" Akane just said.

* * *

Ranma and Akane were asleep on the couch when the house phone rang. Ranma picked up the phone and sleepily said "Ono residence."

"Ranma? It's Ojima. Is Tofu there? I have to talk to him!" the voice on the phone said.

"Inspector? Is everything all right?" Ranma asked concerned.

"Lad, I haven't had a date in nearly twenty years, and I now a have a date with a goddess! I need help!"

"O.K., I understand. Tofu's at the dojo. But keep in mind Ciren really likes you already, you don't have to impress her," Ranma advised.

"Thanks lad, but I still need to talk to Tofu. I'll talk to you later," Ojima said and hung up.

Ranma placed the phone back on its cradle and was just starting to hold Akane again, when Kasumi's phone rang in Akane's purse. Akane mumbled something sleepily. Ranma picked her purse up off the floor and held it for her. She fished out the phone and said: "Kasumi's phone – Akane speaking."

"AKANE? DID MOUSSE REALLY SLEEP WITH A KUNOICHI?!" the phone yelled. Ranma recognized Sayuri's voice.

"What?" Akane mumbled. She pulled herself together and tried to focus. "I think the story got a little muddled," she said.

"AND SHE TATTOOED HER PHONE NUMBER OF HIS FOREHEAD?!" Sayuri shouted.

"O.K. now I know the story got muddled," Akane said still trying to focus. "And stop shouting at me."

"And Ranma had to fight off a swarm of Kunoichi to rescue him?" Sayuri asked loudly.

"All right, now I know someone's making up stories," Ranma said without thinking. "Mousse needed no rescuing, he did just fine."

There was a shriek on the other end and Ranma realized that Sayuri heard him. "Oh lord…" Ranma muttered.

"So the rest is true! Oh god, I need to get a new dress! Why can't this be summer!" Sayuri shrieked.

"Sayuri, calm down!" Akane said a little more firmly. "This is still Mousse we are talking about – the quiet reserved guy."

"Bull! He's coming out of his shell! It's conga time! And don't you tell me to calm down. I'm not the one who beat up eight strippers with a baseball bat!" Sayuri said.

Ranma began to laugh. Akane thumped him repeatedly on his chest with the bottom of her fist. Considering who he was and that Akane wasn't putting *that* much force into her fist, the strikes were not really that effective, but he did stop laughing. "I did not beat them up!" Akane said loudly. "I only threatened a couple of them and none of them took me seriously – nor did they need to."

"Bullshit! I saw the picture of them all cowering before you! You're lucky the police are not after you!" Sayuri laughed.

"That was staged! Do you honestly think I'd want to be photographed if I just beat them all up?" Akane said while starting to get annoyed. Ranma began waving his hands upon hearing the trap, but it was too late.

"Ah ha! So, you willingly posed with eight strippers! It's true! I *knew* you were perverted just like the rest of us, little Miss Prude! Ranma is in such trouble," Sayuri said quickly. "Well, I have to go and get that dress, and maybe a push-up bra. Bye!" She hung up and Akane screamed in frustration.

Ranma was really trying not to laugh as Akane beat her fist rapidly against his chest during her scream, but he was failing miserably. "What does she need a push-up bra for?" he asked once Akane had regained control. "She's not that small."

Akane thumped his rib cage again a little harder – just enough to get his attention (Ranma gave a little 'omph' at the strike). "Don't go around judging my friends' chests!"

"Ah, what are you worried about?" he teased. "You know I'm a leg man and you do more than fine up top," he said as he pinched her bottom through the skirt.

She slapped his chest, but there was a smile hiding in her tight-lipped expression. The house phone rang again. "Hello, Ono residence," he said once more.

"Hello, Grandson," Cologne said. "Where's the slacker?"

Ranma closed his eyes and swept his mind through the house, and then looked at the clock. "He's in the shower, Cologne, but it's only quarter after eleven. He should be there on time."

"It's already too late – in more ways than one. And you'd better come with him. Get your darling bride while you're at it. Most of these people are her friends and will listen to her," she said sharply.

"Oh feck. There's a line of women standing outside the restaurant, isn't there?" he asked with resignation.

"The banner on the building isn't helping matters either! And learn to curse properly! You're going to need it over the next few weeks!" She hung up the phone then.

"Oh my," Akane sighed. "It's started already," she said resting her forehead against Ranma.

Kasumi's phone rang again. Akane looked at it with apprehension and picked it up. "Kasumi's …" she started.

"Akane? It's Nabiki. I need you to help me find our idiot father and bring him home. The parties last night finally made him realize that Kasumi is getting married. He went on a bender last night and now I don't know where he is."

"He's at the zoo. I'll meet you there," Akane said resignedly.

"Damn, should have thought of that, but I've been distracted. Bring a couple of stun guns please," Nabiki said.

The house phone went off. Ranma picked it up, but never got to say anything before Tofu's voice on the other end started: "Ranma, wake up Tomo and send him to me."

"Done, Doc. What's up?" he asked.

"Imia just called. The manager of the strippers just reported that the two men who escorted my mother home never reported in to pick up their paychecks, and that's very unlike them. I'm sure they are fine and with Mom, but I need Tomo to go retrieve them and her. I need to stay here, there's been a little fallout from last night," the Doc said.

"Only a little?" Ranma said. "I've got to go bail out Mousse."

"Yeah, well I literally need to go bail out one of the strippers from Kasumi's party last night and play some memory games. He went home with Hinako and …" Tofu started.

"STOP!" Ranma shouted. "I don't want to know! She's my friend, but she's also my high school teacher for a few more months!"

Tofu chuckled: "I think your imagination is making things worse than they really are."

"I still don't want to know," Ranma insisted. "I'll get Tomo moving."

"Thanks, Bro," Tofu said, glad for the support.

"By the way, call Ojima when you get a chance," Ranma said. "He's got first date jitters."

"Oh, thank god," Tofu breathed. "A normal problem!"

"I hear you," Ranma echoed.

He hung up the phone at the same time Akane did. "Your mom just called me," Akane said. "She asked me to bring up some aspirin and some coffee – Nabiki finished the last of it before she left the house. I think your mom is feeling a little delicate this morning, but she didn't sound unhappy."

"Again, thank god for a normal problem," he said. Akane slid over him and stood up. He followed her. "All right. I have to hurry Mousse along, get Tomo moving, get cleaned up, and get to the restaurant," he listed off.

"All right," she replied. "I have to grab the coffee and the pills, go home, get cleaned up, get to the zoo, and bring Daddy home. I'll meet you at the restaurant after that as soon as I can." He went to get the aspirin and she went to retrieve the coffee.

As he handed her the pills, he warned her: "You know – it's only going to get crazier as Kasumi's wedding approaches."

She set down her items on a table, put her arms around his neck, and then gave him a very serious kiss. When she broke the kiss (there was no way he was stopping it), she looked at him through her eyelashes and said: "Yet, life has its pleasures." She put a hand to his chest, walked her fingers up to his chin, and tapped his nose. "By the way, Ranma," she said, paused, and went on. "While I am not ready to remove all the boundaries yet, I was very serious yesterday morning when I said we should discuss moving them a bit." She turned and picked up the coffee and aspirin again. Then she grabbed her coat and walked to the door swaying her hips. As she went, she looked coyly back over her shoulder at the stunned young man and finished with: "Just something for you to look forward to tonight as you deal with the day." With that, she walked out the door. She was a block away from the clinic when her face broke out into a grin as she heard Ranma's victory yell echo through the neighborhood.

* * *

A/N: Footnotes:

(1) In "The Destruction of Ranma Saotome - Combustion" we learned that Nabiki has her own cloaking technique like the Umisen-ken. We learned where she got it from in "Her Mother's Daughter".

(2) The Nova Blast is a technique Akane developed and taught to the others. It's a brilliant blast of light that temporarily blinds anyone looking at it but the caster. It also reveals objects or people objects hidden by magic or techniques (like the Umisen-ken).

* * *

A/N: And so ends another story...There will be two epilogues to this story released on or before next Tuesday. Then I'm taking a short break to finish the next story.


	11. Epilogue

A/N: I originally planned two epilogues, but the second really doesn't fit in. So, I'm going to re-spin it as a short story. In the meantime, let's wrap up this story...

* * *

Epilogue: Revenge of the Kunoichi

Noa looked at the letter and checked it again. She had run it by many of her sisters to make sure it accomplished her intent – no more and no less. Lady Hoshi saw her study it and then place it down to wrap a book in the package she was sending. Hoshi went over to Noa and asked: "You've decided on this revenge then?"

"Yes, I think it's appropriate. I lose people on my list here or there, but Ranma's victory over me was a little too crushing – I wasn't even close, and I lost two people on the list in one go. Still, my list is a hobby, not life and death. And people should not be punished for choosing to pursue Love in any form. This satisfies my Honor nicely," Noa said.

"I agree," Hoshi replied. "It's just a little tweak to his nose, something he will not really mind, but he will notice. When you see him again, he will still think kindly towards you."

"Something else which is important to me," Noa said. "It will also serve as an introduction to Lady Akane for me. It won't make her think kindly toward me, but she will not take a dislike to me either. It might make her curious about me though."

Lady Hoshi gave Noa a wink and moved on. Noa read her letter one last time:

 _Hello Lady Akane,_

 _We've never met, but I am the Kunoichi who tried and failed so miserably to seduce your husband-to-be. Please understand that I bear you or Ranma no ill will. I do want you to know that Ranma told me that he loved you and that you are his world. I am a very beautiful woman, but Ranma chose you and your inner and outer beauty over mine, and I'm sure he would decide in your favor over any woman. I think that's important for you to know. A Love like that is very beautiful in and of itself and should be treasured always. As time goes on, Life will always throw bumps and turns your way, but never doubt Ranma loves you._

 _Enclosed, is a copy of one of my favorite books. It has given me great enjoyment over time, and I hope it will serve both of you well. I have marked some of my favorite pages in the hopes it will provide great amusement. Please consider this an early wedding gift. If I get the chance, I will probably be at your wedding watching from the shadows and wishing you both happiness and joy with each other._

 _One day, I hope to make your acquaintance over a cup of coffee somewhere and ask you what your life is like. Until that day, I will remain an admirer from a distance._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Lady Noa_

* * *

"Really?!" Akane exclaimed alone in her room. Then she laughed at herself and re-read Noa's letter and the short note she had found in the book itself. "Sucker," she mocked. "You knew she was setting you up, but you trusted Ranma's assessment of her and he was dead on. Her revenge is interesting but ultimately harmless – just what she wanted."

Akane looked at the book again. It was a very complete sex instruction manual, containing parts of the Kama Sutra, sections on Tantric sex, and many other forms of sexual behavior. The parts that Noa had highlighted all featured sexual behavior between two women. The illustrations were strictly penciled-style drawings, but "someone" had colored the hair of the two women – one had blue-black hair and the other was a red-head. In between the pages was a second note from Noa:

 _Sorry Akane,_

 _Maybe the idea was already in your head, but if not, it is now. This book will push it towards a reality. One day, you and Ranma will get curious enough to try some of these techniques – and I hope you enjoy them._

 _Ranma beat me so soundly, I needed to avenge myself. However, I really didn't want to hurt him or you – I meant the line about bearing you no ill will. When it came right down to it, I lost a game. No one died and no one got hurt except my pride. Plus, your husband/husband-to-be was gracious even in victory, giving me an excellent Martial Arts lesson. So, planting/encouraging the idea is my revenge._

 _Please keep in mind that I meant every word in my original letter. Be well._

 _Love,_

 _Noa_

Akane hadn't really thought about making love to Ranko. Curiously enough, the idea didn't bother her even though she really wasn't wired that way, but Ranma was always Ranma – Ranko was just a name of convenience for his female form, nothing more. Now, she admitted to herself that she was a little curious, but the truth was that she was far, far more interested in the idea of male-female interaction. Noa had planted the seed, but there was so much more to harvest first, so it would be a while. Still, no real harm done.

She read the original letter again and then put everything safely away into her closet until an appropriate time occurred – there was a lot in that book that she and Ranma could use (including right now at this point and time in their lives). As she closed the closet door, she hoped that one day she and Ranma would meet Noa in that coffee shop where they could talk about each other's lives.

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A/N: And done! Sorry for the delay, but sometimes the real world gets in the way of hobbies. Thank you to everyone who left a review! Look for a short story featuring Konatsu within the next couple of weeks.


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